Arrur Makkah Re'eihu B'Seter - Part 2c: Good Intentions

 

We know the old saying – The path to Gehinnom is paved with good intentions. 

This is how the Yetzer Hara operates. He convinces us to undertake virtuous projects for the good of Mankind or society or the downtrodden or whatever, and then he bundles it with sinister and damaging consequences which are naively condoned for “the greater good”. 

I’ve written a lot about this especially regarding mesira the poisonous Kol Koreh of 181 “Rabbis”.

The Yetzer Hara has a very easy time when the “Good Samaritans” are low on scruples such as with the Tea Dating Advice app. The official narrative about the Tea Dating Advice app, which inspired these posts, was that it is meant to help vulnerable women vet out potential predators from the dating pool. But the critics note that this is no reason to hide the posted information from the eyes of the male population. Regardless, the site has been called out for being the cesspool of gossip and slander that it always was.

Likewise, Jewish Community Watch, with their despicable Wall of Shame, has a similar history. This is what they write on their About Us page:

Jewish Community Watch (JCW) never set out to be a major organization. In 2006, Meyer Seewald’s best friend died tragically at age 17. The young man’s father set up a youth group in his late son’s honor where young teens gathered for camaraderie and support. In 2011, Seewald, himself a survivor of child sexual abuse (CSA), began receiving reports that the father was molesting boys who attended this program. Further enquiries revealed that this person had a long history of abuse dating back decades earlier to Israel. As is so often the case, community leaders and rabbis in New York who were aware of his dangerous history preferred to handle it “internally,” never considering how many more lives would be put in jeopardy.

After a website was set up to expose the molester and warn others of the danger he posed, hundreds of reports of abuse began flooding in from Jewish communities around the world. JCW’s scope of services quickly expanded to include victim support services, mass awareness events, staff screening for schools and camps, a website with hundreds of pages of resources, and much more. The staff grew from a handful of volunteers working out of a 10 x 10 bedroom to over a dozen professional employees. A virtual “safe place” has been created for victims to come forward, tell their stories, and receive the help and support they need.

All of this sounds great, but there was one fundamental flaw. JCW decided that the best way to help victims is to hunt down and prosecute perpetrators regardless of whether it really helps victims or causes more harm than good. Also, regardless of whether these perpetrators were as guilty as presumed to be, whether they were past victims themselves, and even not guilty at all. 

JCW became a vigilante posse and kangaroo court. Hurting the people they didn’t like was more important than helping the ones that they did. You know the saying – When all you have is a hammer, everything you see starts to look like a nail.

As an update, I noted in my previous post that JCW mercifully went offline about a year ago. Well, amazingly, in the beginning of September, their web site came back to life. It doesn’t look like the organization came back, just their 2022 web site with all it’s gory. 

Once again, Rabbi Yosef Blau is accountable for all useless motzi shem rah that it displays. As such, on Sept. 11, 2025, I sent an email to rabbi Yosef Blau informing him – if he didn’t already know – that the web site is back online and shouldn’t be. One remark I made was: “At this point of time, now that JCW is no longer active and all the information is outdated, there cannot possibly be any toelles for it to be on display. There is no good that it can accomplish, only harm.”

I did not receive any direct response from Rabbi Blau. A few days later, I checked the site, and lo and behind, it was gone again. But, as I post this, I checked again and it's back. Go figure! 

Let’s get back to other Yetzer Hara trap, imamother.com. 

Apparently, it was launched in 2004 by a woman who calls herself Yael Cozocaru. Here is what she writes:

I, Yael, together with my husband, created Imamother in 2004 because I felt that there was a need for a website geared to frum Jewish women and mothers.

This website was born after I went searching in the vast expanses of the internet for some advice about raising our kids. I looked at the Jewish forums of numerous parenting websites, but there just wasn't anything relevant to me, as a frum woman. Again I left my computer feeling like there was just a blank area where there should have been a place where I could share my thoughts and worries. I was looking for a place where I could meet more women just like me. I wanted a spot where my friends and I could go to share stories about our day.

So far, so good. Let’s continue:

I wanted a website just like all the others but with a very important difference. I wanted it to be relevant to me as a married woman and as a frum mother. I wanted a place where there would be information about topics that are important to me, and where I could get advice from other frum women about whatever issue was bothering me at the moment.

Notice the phrase “like all the others”? What does it have that “all the others” have?

That’s right. All of them are gossip mills.

I wanted to check how consistent their MRB issues are. Have they improved at all since 2008? So, I tried an experiment. I scrolled through the Reading Room forum to see if there is a more recent case of women discussing the activities of people who cannot participate in the discussions. I came across a totally useless discussion dating to March of 2025. 

Apparently, two Jewish humorists, both male, one named Mendy and one named Jake, were kibbitzing with each other about writing styles. All this was printed in Ami Magazine. It looks like some kind of Purim satire, though it may have come across somewhat flat. 

Well, an imamother.com poster felt it was necessary to open a thread about this nonsensical exchange and criticize it for no good reason. She did not represent it as a Purim satire although other posters did make a point of it. Bottom line, the thread, which serves no earthly (or heavenly) purpose whatsoever, didn’t say a word of praise to Mendy or Jake, not to mention Ami or Mishpacha magazine, nor was it intended to. And, it is self evident that so much of the nasty criticisms are based on assumptions and misconceptions.

Now, this appears in their Reading Room forum where anybody can see it to this day. But doesn’t one have to already be in the site to access it?

So, I googled up Mendy P. No appearance of this Imamother post in numerous index pages. Then I googled Jake T. Same thing. Then I googled Mendy P. and Jake T. in a single lookup. 

Bingo! It was right there as the second index item. When I googled Mendy P. and Ami Magazine together, I got it toward the bottom of page 1.

This tells me that any imamother.com post, or at least those in the open forums, may be found in Google searches, just like I found mine in 2008. And it means that one doesn’t need to be on the site, a member of the site, or even looking for it specifically to come across it. Anybody who looks for a given combination of keywords can stumble across these chatroom threads, learn things that he doesn’t need to know, and get impressions about people and establishments which may not be constructive or even true or accurate.

What happens in Vegas, doesn’t always stay in Vegas.

Were any of the parties involved ever notified of this distasteful discussion on imamother.com? And, if they were, or came across it themselves, were they in any position to get on the site and straighten out the misconceptions?

Makkah Re’eihu B’Seter at the advanced level.

So, I spent the past two posts calling out two Orthodox Jewish chat rooms, one of which can be considered Chareidi and, as is my policy, I did indeed notify both venues to check out my posts. Is there any progress report?

Neither Yeshiva World News nor Imamother.com contacted me directly to “clear the air”. Neither one had the decency to say, “Dear Mr. Hirshman, although we think you are over the top and should get a life or find better things to write about, we apologize for the distress that you claim we caused you so long ago. If there is anything we can do to sooth your ego, do not hesitate to let us know…”

There were no changes that I could notice, hence, to me it looks like they are not very interested in cleaning up their act. 

It does indeed look like Mrs. Cozocaru looked up my wife’s account and disabled it. Although I probably would have done the same thing if I were her, still and all, my wife is a legitimate full-fledged card-carrying Orthodox Jewish mother, so I can't say it was proper.

Well, perhaps she got me off her back, but she didn’t fix anything. All I see is a lack of accountability, which is a standard female trait that goes all the way back to the first Chava. Incidentally, I’m sure there are probably plenty of other male “trolls” and lurkers with much more nefarious motives. 

So now, what steps should imamother.com take to eliminate MRB?

There is no easy answer. Here are some options:

Full Termination

The Mishna in Bava Kamma (4:9) discusses the degree of responsibility an owner has for his rowdy ox after it has been certified as a “repeat offender”. There is a dispute regarding when the owner took reasonable precautions to contain the ox but it damaged anyhow. Rabi Yehuda maintains that any reasonable precautions exempts the owner from full liability (he still has half liability). Rabi Eliezer is more stringent. He says that once an ox is certified as a rowdy ox, no amount of precautions are sufficient. 

אין לו שמירה אלא סכין – there is no way to safeguard this ox except to terminate it at the slaughterhouse.

Even though for oxen we rule like Rabi Yehuda, when it comes to chat groups, there truly is no safeguard except termination. This would be the best remedy, but I suppose it is too much to expect.

Here are some other measures that they can and should implement.

More Vigilant Moderation

This sounds simple enough but is easier said than done. This is self evident since, until now, the moderation is sloppy and porous. Clearly, the moderators do not recognize MRB when they see it and there is no reason to assume that they will get any better at it. So, this isn't really going to work.

Fix their “Contact Us” feature

 

There is absolutely no excuse for anybody with a valid complaint, member or not, to be unable to contact the site and voice themselves. Yet, on this site, the Contact Us feature is anything but user friendly.

The Contact Us feature of most web sites consists either of an embedded form for correspondence and/or a list of options for direct contact be it phone numbers, email addresses, WhatsApp and/or X or Facebook or Instagram nodes. On this site, there is no embedded form. When I click the Contact Us option, it does nothing but call up the user’s Outlook system. This is useful as long as the user actually uses Outlook and has it configured on their computer. For users who have Outlook but don’t use it, the system gets stalled.

I tried the feature on a smartphone which does not have any Microsoft programs and it did open an email to admin@imamother.com. Still, on a Microsoft computer it can easily get blocked and this needs to be fixed. An embedded form would help.

Take the Whole Site Underground

This means making the entire site accessible only to members, even the lighter, domestic forums. This will do absolutely nothing to prevent any LH or MRB and may even make it worse. The only thing it will accomplish is prevent interested parties who are not members from finding it. This is good if the outside person is uninvolved and won’t learn things [s]he doesn’t have to know. Yet, at the same time it will conceal the material from those who may be affected by it – as in my case – and this will turn “innocent” chit chat into MRB. 

I do not recommend this measure.

Open the Site Membership to All

At the other end of the spectrum, they could make the basic forums (site membership) accessible to anybody and only restrict the sensitive forums to women. Although this may lesson the cases of MRB on the basic forums, it won’t do anything for the exclusive female ones. Also. It obviously opens up a new can of worms of other problems, not the least of which is increased communication between men and women along with just plain bitul zman and moshav leitzim. On the other hand, we already have these issues on any other type of social media, Jewish or not, including the Yeshiva World News Coffee Room. There is no gender segregation there, either.

Create a “Male Guest” Feature

Another option is that, even without membership, the site can enable non-members to post as a “guest”, probably subject to prior approval or something, so that they could respond to anything that is posted that affects them.

As much as any of the above features may help the problem, I don’t foresee any of it happening. This is for two reasons:

(1) Such actions can only come on the heels of accountability. From all my input I see absolutely no signs of accountability whatsoever. Mrs. Corozaco was quick to disable my wife’s account, but, as I wrote above, she did not respond at all to my previous posts (which were sent to her directly). It does not look like she is interested in fixing the problem. The same goes for Yeshiva World News.

(2) Nobody takes me seriously in any case.

It comes out that these sites are dangerous places. They are hefker like the Wild West. Although they can do a lot of positive things, it all comes bundled with a lot of negativity and damage. That’s how the Yetzer Hara works. As such, I have to side with Rabi Eliezer on this one. אין לו שמירה אלא סכין. The best thing is to just close the entire site.

The above applies to the site owners and builders. It goes without saying that all Jewish Internet users should avoid these sites like the plague. After all the pasuk says (Mishlei 22:5):

צנים פחים בדרך עקש, שומר נפשו ירחק מהם.

And the Midrash Yechezkel says:

אל תקרי צנים אלא צ'טים - צ'טים פחים בדרך עקש, שומר נפשו ירחק מהם

Which means:

Chatrooms are traps in a crooked path. All who wish to guard their souls should avoid them.

May every reader [who made it this far] have a G’mar Chasima Tova!

Arrur Makkah Re'eihu B'Seter - Part 2b: The Mother of All Jewish Chat Groups

 

In our previous post, we noted how prevalent are the dangers of Makkah Re’eihu B’Seter (MRB) in the Jewish chat forums.

We discussed two levels of MRB: (1) Basic – when the “victim” has access to the discussion and is able to participate (2) Advanced – when the “victim” does not have access and cannot participate. The previous post presented one offender at the Basic level. 

The second, and more sinister culprit, fits the bill as Advanced Makkah Re’eihu just like the appalling Tea app. I will refer to this web site as The Mother of all Jewish Chat Forums. Like the Tea app. Only women can be members, and like the Tea app, it isn’t very secure. Unlike Yeshiva World News, this site is nothing but a chat forum.

The site looks to be multi-layered. There are a number of forums on innocuous domestic topics such as Recipes, Shopping, Household Management, YomTov and Shabbos, Hobbies, Social Scene, etc. which are accessible for viewing by anyone on the Internet. One only needs to have membership in order to post on it. Some more sensitive topics like Marriage and Relationship topics, Emotional Health and women’s health and halacha issues are only accessible to members, even just for reading (this makes sense). And it looks like there are some highly sensitive Private topics that even a member needs to apply separately and qualify for. 

On the one hand, the more exclusive the topic, the more it is susceptible to MRB. Yet ironically, on the other hand, the free access forums may be the bigger problem since the material posted there can be found and viewed by anybody – male or female, member or non-member. Thus, anything derogatory about Abe can be found in search engines and be seen by anyone, i.e., a larger population.

To drive the point home, I will repeat the warning that I quoted in the previous post from the Yeshiva World News Coffee Room rulebook:

This is the Internet and everyone sees what you write. Ve’Hameivin Yavin.

So, let’s say, Abe himself happens to stumble across it, and he wants to set the record straight, he is not allowed to do it on this site – at least, not on his own. This was my predicament back in March 2008. 

 

Incidentally, it looks like the site is moderated for offensive or damaging content by some senior members, but there is no indication that there is any Rabbinic (or even Rebetzinic) supervision.

My book was initially released in October 2007, and I did not decide to start a blog until July 2008. As is normal for a new author of a new book, over the first year I was googling it up on a regular basis to see if it was getting any attention and publicity, good or bad. Hence, one day in March of 2008, my google search displayed a hit from a site called www.imamother.com. The link led to a free-access chat forum called Reading Room and the topic was about recommended non-fiction books. A poster who I will identify as IOW wrote as follows:

I just finished One Above and Seven below. It is an attempt to explain Charedi outlook to frum, non charedim. Found it pompous, condescending and somewhat off base.

I love compliments. 

Seriously, everyone is entitled to their opinion. Nobody needs to like my book. The question is, should they announce it on an Internet chat board?

Let me point out that this chat thread was a long-running thread. It opened on Jan 7, 2008 and it ran until Aug. of 2011. The Original Poster (OP) opened the thread as such:

Please post those non-fiction books that you think were terrific. If you have the author's name and can write a one-line description of it, that would be great 😊

Thus, the thread began innocently enough, and it was meant for women to post names of books that they like and would recommend. It was not meant to post names of books the reader did not like. Most of the posts were nothing more than the titles of one or more books and sometimes the names of the authors. The majority of the books listed were secular non-Jewish ones. 

As I was reviewing the thread, something caught my eye. One poster early on (that first day) recommended a book titled Freakonomics. 

For context, Freakonomics was published in 2005 and was number 2 on the NYT Best Seller list in 2006. By 2009 it had sold over 4,000,000 copies and turned into a multi-media franchise, with a sequel book, a feature film, a regular radio segment on National Public Radio, and a weekly blog. A friend lent me the book and I read it through and found it very informative and thought-provoking. All good.

Three days and numerous book titles later, a new poster on this thread, who I will identify as CM, got on and wrote only this: 

I did not like Freakonomics.

This poster wasn’t recommending any books, nor was she giving any objective reasons why not to read it. It just didn’t suit her. She did not bother to explain why.

Excuse me? Who asked you? This thread is meant to be a list of books that posters recommend because they liked them. It is not meant to be a thread of critical reviews on books. 

I wondered, what could be her whole purpose even to post this comment? It’s a foregone conclusion that some people won’t like any given book. This could apply to any book that is recommended. Why does she have to tell the world that she didn’t like this one? Especially without explaining why. Who on earth is she helping? What we need to know is that the one who brought it up did like it. And it happens to be quite a popular book. What is she trying to accomplish?

Now, this book is a totally secular book but there is a good chance that author 1 – Steven David Levitt is Jewish. Author 2 – Stephen Joseph Dubner is definitely Jewish although his Jewish parents left Judaism. I strongly suspect that he is related to Ethel Rosenberg. 

When the author is clearly Jewish, regardless of whether he is observant or not, there is certainly a prohibition of LH if true, SR if not, and MRB in all cases. Even in the case of an upstanding non-Jew, it’s not clear that there is no issue of Lashon Hara (I know, the pasuk says לא תלך רכיל בעמך.) Even if there isn’t, it's not a good habit.

Likely that CM wasn’t aware that at least one author is Jewish, but it didn’t end there. Sometime in April of 2008, the original poster (OP) of the thread, recommended a book by an openly Jewish male who I will identify as DK. He was not just a Jewish male, but also a convert who is entitled to special consideration. The OP liked the book. Comes back CM and she writes:

I stopped reading him, I found him very Not Jewish 

Careful, now, we are talking about a convert.

B”H, the OP called her out and said:

Stopped reading him or this particular book? He's Jewish. Doesn't seem right to say that about him.

CM responded:

but his books were so NOt Jewish, dh [dear husband] requested I not bring them home anymore.

Hold on, the majority of books recommended on this thread are not Jewish. And didn’t she read Freakonomics? Did her “dh” approve of that?

Let’s be dan l’kaf zechus and say there is validity and toelles to what she is saying. Maybe readers should be forewarned that she thinks the book is not so “Jewish”. (Don’t forget, we are talking about a convert who wasn’t brought up Jewish, for Heaven’s sake!) And it’s certainly important to obey one’s husband. Besides, her information is firsthand and to the point, so it may meet the basic conditions. But still, what about condition number 3?  Was this male convert ever informed about this comment. Was he given the opportunity to get onto an exclusive women’s forum and defend his work?

Makka R’eihu B’seter – L’Mehadrin.

Now, let’s return to my case.

There is one slight difference between the infractions of poster CM and that of poster IOW who criticized my book. CM’s subjective comments were in reference to books that other posters had previously mentioned as recommended books. Once they were mentioned, she wanted to give her personal critical opinion. Balance.

In the case of poster IOW, nobody mentioned my book (only 5 months off the press) earlier in the thread. She is not responding to anybody’s recommendation. She brought up my book all by herself in order to dis-recommend it. This, on a thread intended for recommending books.

I am proud to say that my book was the only book mentioned in the entire thread to earn this distinction.

Before I continue, it is time for a quick summary of what One Above and Seven Below is all about.

In Vayikra 26, HKBH sets up two camps. One is the One Above or Im Bechukosai Telechu camp which is the camp of those who follow His commandments (and study Torah). This camp gets His blessings.

The second camp is the Seven Below or V’Im Bechukosai Timasu camp. This is the place for everybody who does not live up to the Im Bechukosai Telechu directive. This camp is cursed.

I must stress that HKBH set up these camps. I did not. I am only disclosing what it says here. At the end of the book, I comment that I am not placing anybody into either camp. Each individual needs to understand the definitions and determine on their own where they stand. The idea is to get everybody into the One Above camp for their own benefit. Nobody is barred from getting into the One Above camp. It just takes a little bit of work (toil).

The inevitable result of this is that, as long as some Jews do not comply, there will be two classes of Jews – the One Above or upper class, and the Seven Below or lower class.

For people who categorize themselves into the One Above camp (upper class), this is a real “feel-good” book. And it’s right on target. For those who categorize themselves into the Seven Below lower class, the book will obviously make them feel inadequate. It’s a “feel-horrible” book. But the idea is not to make anyone feel horrible. It is to motivate them to get themselves into the upper class. The doors are open. Tickets are available to all. They are not beyond anybody’s budget but they are not cheap. One needs to pay the price.

It's like a physical fitness book. First it tells you what is called physically fit (in shape) and what is not. Then it tells you how to get physically fit. It clearly let’s you know that you are out of shape, but it is not meant to make you feel bad, rather to motivate you to get into better shape. My book is the same thing in Spiritual fitness.

So, now, let’s look again at IOW’s post:

I just finished One Above and Seven below. It is an attempt to explain Charedi outlook to frum, non charedim. Found it pompous, condescending and somewhat off base.

As of now, Sept. 2025, my book has been out for almost 18 years, and I can confidently say that nobody who identifies with the One Above camp thinks that my book is pompous, condescending, or off base. If anybody thinks that way it is a clear announcement that they see themselves in the Seven Below, lower class, camp.

Mighty sad.

So here comes a poster who tortured herself through my [whole?] book and, in a thread about recommendations, needs to say that she felt the book is pompous and condescending. She feels that the book is telling her that she is “out of shape”. She doesn’t seem to realize that this is what it is supposed to do.

I read this in the women’s forum and felt “emasculated”. Nobody previously recommended the book so there was no opposing “One Above” viewpoint. There was no indication that anyone else on the thread had read my book at all, so there was no chance to get a counter opinion from inside the group. 

I felt the reader was misrepresenting what the book is really about and was presenting a distorted picture. The purpose of the book is to help people understand Judaism, and if one discourages reading it, this will deny that benefit from anyone who would otherwise gain from it. She was hurting not just me but also any potential “satisfied customers”. And, as a male, I was locked out from be able to come to the rescue.

Makka R’eihu B’Seter.

May I comment that I discovered the post by a simple innocent Google search. Outside of my discovery, not one human being – male or female – ever, ever contacted me to notify me that this post was written. Thus, technically, the MRB is in effect to this very day!

Anyhow, I was lamenting my poor predicament when it dawned on me that I just happened to be married to somebody who has all the qualifications to be a full-fledged member. What a coincidence. Here, we call it “proteksia”.

I decided to take advantage of my proteksia and had my ezer kenegdi sign up as a member. Then we formulated a response. Let’s just say it was a joint effort. Here is the response:

I also read One Above and Seven Below and I thought it is an eye-opening book. I know what you mean about being pompous and condescending, I mean the author wrote on the first page that some of it is patronizing and in his forward he calls his role as a Rabbi and preacher "pretentious" so I suppose we should expect that but why do you think that it is a little off base? I thought it was right on the money.

Her response:

It is right on the money if you are the same type of Charedi he is - Anglo yeshivish. Not true about the other 95%.

Okay, so now it is on base but only for 5% of the chareidim (Anglo-yeshivish?) but not the “other 95%”.  

The funny thing is that I defined a Chareidi as one who buys into G-d’s One Above camp. And 95% of “chareidim” don’t do it? So, it’s been 18 years, and I have yet to meet the devout chareidi, of any “stripe", who does not buy in to Im Bechukosai Telechu as defined by Rashi.

Subsequent remarks by this poster revealed that she missed the whole point of the book (she probably just skimmed through it), but the same revelation meant it was useless to get into a debate on a women’s chat thread.

This is not really the first time that I called out the transgressions of this particular web site. I referenced it in my 2023 post Irreversible Damage. Here is what I wrote:

I am aware of an online chat forum strictly for frum women. I became aware of it many years ago when one member critiqued my book. (That part of the forum was accessible to anyone). I promptly directed my wife to become a legitimate member. Ever since, if I needed to, I could find out what the “ladies” have to say on a topic that I might be dealing with. You can bet that I “peeked” into the threads about Malka Leifer.

Regarding Malka Leifer, there was a protracted thread about the involvement of Rabbi Litzman, after that there was a more recent one celebrating the extradition and now one celebrating the conviction. As expected, the prevalent attitude is approving, celebratory and even vindictive although there are always some lone level-headed posters who may challenge some points and say this is not something to celebrate. Those few usually get gang tackled. The titles of the two last threads are indicative of the mood: “Finally! Extradited” “Finally! Guilty.”

In all of these threads, the most prominent victim of the LH, SR and, for sure, a lot of MRB, is Mrs. Leifer herself. Technically, she could join the forum and respond for herself, so it would only constitute the more Basic MRB – as if it’s no big deal. But we note also that Rabbi Litzman was singled out in one thread and honored to be named in the title. This is Advance MRB L’Mehadrin.

I reviewed that thread and, small consolation, very little of it actually discussed Rabbi Litzman, although any amount is too much. But the posters of that thread also mentioned another Rav in Ashdod and it was not to compliment him. Moreover, one poster even referenced a few of my blog posts on the topic and those didn’t get much praise, either. 

These are the transgressions that I am familiar with but there are constantly topics on the site that deal with “recommending” books and other products, restaurants, schools, camps, yeshivos, Rabbanim, lawyers, toanim, therapists and other professionals. I am sure it is primarily well intended and most of the reporting is positive, but as the saying goes: where there’s a will, there’s a won’t. This is another way of saying that whenever someone has something nice to say there is usually someone else who has an axe to grind.

It goes without saying that this kind of abuse is occurring on all types of social media especially those with exclusive groups like on WhatsApp or Facebook, but these monetized Web-based sites draw in a lot more unsuspecting customers who inadvertently join the wolf pack. When we are talking about Orthodox Jewish (“frum”) sites, not only does the Satan generate all this Makkah Re’eihu, but it causes a chillul Hashem to boot.

So, what can be done about them?

As usual, I am way past my allotted post length, so it doesn’t pay to discuss it right here. I hope to cover it in a future post. In the meantime, the best thing is to simply stay away from these poisonous chat forums.

ארור מכה רעהו בסתר - ואמר כל העם אמן!

Arrur Makkah Re’eihu B’Seter – Part 2a: Tea Rooms and Coffee Rooms

 

Author’s note - This is the long forsaken awaited second part of my 2019 post Arrur Makkah Re’eihu B’Seter – Part 1: Good Faith. I highly recommend reading the first half of that post (HERE).

I began writing this post a few days before Tisha B’Av, which is when the Tea app controversy erupted. It discusses Lashon Hara and Sinas Chinam, so it was a highly appropriate nine-days topic. As I wrote it, it expanded into a two-part essay and wasn’t ready for posting before Tisha B’Av. I suppose you can consider it a pre-Ellul post.

The Coldplay scandal in Boston hasn’t even chilled and there is a new one brewing. 

What’s brewing?

Tea. As in the controversial Tea Dating Advice app.

As opposed to Coldplay, the Tea is brewing very hot. (Perhaps we can combine the two events and call them the Boston-Tea Party.)

Trust me, I never heard of Coldplay until this scandal erupted, and I hadn’t heard of the Tea app until this scandal as well. So, what is this Tea app?

Firstly, let me say we are discussing a phone app in the secular world for the general (non-Jewish) population. There is nothing religious or Jewish about this app. 

Apparently, it’s an exclusive online forum only for women. In this forum, the women can post pictures and information about whatever men they have dated (or have been engaged or married to) so that other women who are considering involvement with these people can be informed about what is in store. There does not seem to be any restrictions about what kind of information can be posted. Ladies can post details about men including their photos, addresses, phone numbers, where they work, and even their intimate behavior. 

The justification for this kind of databasing is to expose potential predators, people with criminal records, or otherwise dangerous or unbalanced people to make the wild dating experience with random strangers safer for the womenfolk. Sure, a member can write nice things about an individual and possibly recommend him to the world, but this doesn’t really seem to be its purpose. 

Although it is not the government Sex Offender Registry, it comes darn near close to it. In short, it is the non-Jewish version of JCW’s Wall of Shame (WOS). It also carries many of the ethical issues that I had discussed in several previous posts about the despicable WOS. Some are:

• The person profiled is not necessarily informed that he is profiled.

• The person profiled has no say in the matter of his being profiled. No way to protest or demand to be taken out of the app.

• The person profiled has no access to the site to see personally what is written about him (this one did not apply to WOS).

• The person profiled cannot enter any comments, updates, corrections, complaints or anything similar or defend themselves in any way.

• The women who post about men do not have to identify themselves.

• A profile, once posted, is displayed for eternity. As long as the poster doesn’t take it down, she could be in a coma or worse and that profile will still be sitting there available to the entire world. The Internet is the Eternal-net.

Of course, the biggest excuse for unbridled slander (Lashon Hara) is that it’s all "a toelles". It’s to make people safe. Just like the JCW Wall of Shame and all those articles that used to be in the In the News section of the Magen-Israel.org site. And, chas v’shalom, should any man who is featured on these sites, who are undoubtedly all genocidal child-killers, be allowed to challenge what is written and stand up for themselves.

Just to be up to date, both JCW’s WOS and the In the News section of Magen-Israel.org are currently offline. JCW went comatose in 2020 after Shana Aaronson left them but they were still accessible online including their wretched WOS until 2023. Finally, sometime that year, the entire site went offline. As for the Magen-Israel site, which is still in business, to Mrs. Aaronson’s credit, someone was able to talk sense into her to remove the In the News items. Kol Hakavod!

Back to our Tea party.

 

As I said, the Tea app is an exclusive app for women only. Men cannot join. In order to be a member of the app, an applicant has to prove that they are indeed a woman. This is becoming increasingly difficult in today’s day and age. Just ask Candace Owens and Brigitte Macron. 

Hence, in order to verify an applicant’s womanhood, they must provide either a copy of their driver’s license, which typically states the holder’s gender, and/or provide a selfie picture or maybe a DNA sample or whatever. These proofs (not the DNA) are uploaded to the site, but don’t worry ladies, they are secure and will be deleted.

Understandably, the Tea app, allegedly launched in 2023, has been a source of controversy since its inception with accusations of being unethical, defamatory and an invasion of privacy. True or not, it is just plain mean-spirited. Wikipedia claims that there have been ten class-action lawsuits filed against them since this exploded. 

The founder is actually a man who claims that he was inspired to make the app because of his unmarried mother’s bad experiences in dating. It is meant to protect womanhood. He also claims that the information that the women post is “largely true”. His critics respond that (1) he has no system or way of knowing if anything posted is or isn’t true at all, (2) the term “largely true” is just another way of saying “not completely true”, and (3) this does not explain why men need to be excluded from accessing the site. Incidentally, as I will discuss later, sites like these can be made with full access to certain members and “Read only” to “lower class” members. Hence, there is absolutely no excuse not to allow men to join at least for “Read only”.

Up to a few weeks back, this Tea app was the number one free app in the world being downloaded to smartphones. Nevertheless, this app recently hit the news because the system, promised to be secure, was hacked, probably by some disgruntled males who saw the evil in it. Initially it admitted to about 72,000 “legacy” (old) images being hacked (old means since 2023 up to Feb. 2024). This put the photos and driver’s licenses (which were not deleted as promised) of 13,000 ladies plus another 59,000 of their posts and comments up for grabs. 

Shortly after that, the app admitted to a second breach, which may just be an update on the initial breach, which involves over a million images. This breach has become so disastrous that, for the time being, the entire app was shut down. As to be expected, this made a whole “community” of men, who felt that they may have been affected or may someday be affected by the slander in this app, breathe a sigh of relief and sing the song of Karma.

What is my take on this?

We know that the secular and non-Jews live in a G-dless world without boundaries and “anything goes”. Even so, such a forum should have no right to exist. 

Why? Because it is totally cursed.

I wrote about it almost six years ago in this post: 

Arrur Makkah Re’eihu B’Seter – Part 1: Good Faith

This is one of the kelalos (curses) that were said to us on Mt. Eval. And any action that is a curse for us is a curse for the nations exponentially.

To get where this is going, it is very important to read at least the first half of this post (until the “Email policy” part.) But, in a nutshell, what I wrote is that a person can say or write something about another that has virtually all of the seven stipulations of the Chafetz Chaim in Hilchos Lashon Hara 10:2 – i.e., be a total toelles, firsthand knowledge, no embellishing, no filling in blanks, the works – and still be the worst type of malshin if he overlooks one thing: if he or she says it behind the back of the person in question. More accurately, I wrote in that post that this is a variation of stipulation 3 – that the subject must be confronted ahead of time.

As a public service I will reprint some excerpts from that post:

No doubt, when someone wants to say something defamatory, malicious, and degrading about another person, he will certainly not want to say it in that person’s presence. Aside from the fact that it will anger that person and who knows what may happen as a result, there is something else. The gossiper does not want the person to be able to contradict him and to defend his position or to set the record straight. The gossiper wants all his listeners to take him at his word and not to question what he says. 

So he makes sure to say the gossip where it won’t readily get back to the subject. He will say it at a gathering or on a forum at which the subject has not been invited to participate. Where the subject is not present or invited or even allowed to respond. The gossiper doesn’t want to be tripped up and he wants whatever can befall the subject due to the gossip to come to fruition.

And a bit later, in reference to Shmiras HaLashon stipulation 3 I wrote:

I think that there is another purpose included in this [stipulation]: You must notify the person in order to allow him to explain himself and justify his actions or clarify misconceptions. As I said earlier, to set the record straight. The person needs to be notified that you are saying this about them and given the opportunity to respond. 

If you skip this step, even if your intention is pure and you meet every other condition of the Chofetz Chaim, your speech is still Lashon Hara. This is because it is מכה רעהו בסתר. If the person does not know what is being said and cannot respond, one can no longer assert that his slander was “in good faith”. 

Okay, I got it. I wrote it more than five years ago, and I am writing about it today. So what? This is what the non-Jewish are doing on non-Jewish sites. It’s their business. What’s it got to do with us?

The sad answer is:

We, too, are doing it on our ultra-frum Internet sites. It’s just as much a curse and it needs to stop. Or, at least, stop being so hefker. This episode with the Tea Dating Advice app is here to show us how horrible this is and to open our eyes and to rid our midst of this evil.

I alluded to this in my initial post in 2019. Here is how I closed that post:

This is how I write [i.e., without Makkah Re'eihu]. But this is not how others write about me. I won’t dish out מכה רעהו בסתר but I sure get a lot of it. And it is alarming how many very Torah observant web sites are not mindful of what truly constitutes lashon hara – מכה רעהו בסתר.

In the second part of this post, we will visit some of those “frum” Internet web sites.

I initially wanted to write the promised Part 2 to point out the shortcomings of at least two very popular frum web sites. But, at the time, I thought better of it. 

Although I considered it tochacha in good faith with adherence to all the rules - a toelles, totally firsthand knowledge and fully true, and something I would certainly want their moderators to see (besides that they are only web sites, not specific people) – I just didn’t think at the time that “mussaring” these sites would accomplish anything. 

But now, with this Tea app controversy making the headlines, I think it may be a more auspicious time to drive the point home.

At this stage, I want to clarify that the primary culprit of this evil are the chat forums. This obviously includes regular social media like Facebook, X, Instagram and WhatsApp but now, I am here to discuss specific independent chat forums. And two very “frum” ones.

In general, I don’t have anything to do with chat forums and I don’t think any Torah observant Jew should. There is very little redeeming qualities to them and spending time on them usually constitutes bitul zman at best. At worst, it is the most fertile breeding ground for Lashon Hara (LH), Motzi Shem Rah (SR) and Makkah Re’eihu B’Seter (MRB) that one can encounter.

As I wrote, even when the sites try to restrict real LH and endeavor to ensure that anything critical being posted is totally true and has a purpose, if it regards and identifies any specific person and that person is not notified, it goes into the category of MRB and is as bad as any other LH or SR.

This infraction can occur on two levels:

Level 1 (Basic MRB) – The forum is open to the public so anyone can sign in and join the chat. It only constitutes MRB because the subject is not aware of the discussion, hence, it is all happening behind his back.

Level 2 (Advanced MRB) – The forum is an exclusive forum which only accepts certain members, just like the secular Tea app. The subject of the discussion cannot become a member and join the chat. Typically, he/she is not aware of the discussion, but even if he/she is, if they cannot get on and join in and clarify or defend, it is much worse than the basic kind of MRB.

So, I want to discuss the two Jewish chat rooms with which I have personal firsthand experience in order that the sites and their readers should be alerted to the sinister danger of MRB. One was at Level 1 and the other at Level 2.

Since I don’t hang around chat forums, I probably wouldn’t have known they exist if not for the Makkah Re’eihu that I suffered at their hands. I came across both of them through good ol’ Google while checking for references to my book.

The first culprit (Level 1) is the Coffee Room at Yeshiva World News. 

In general. I think YWN is a nice kosher site and presents mainline news stories that are relevant to us. The ads are for worthy tzedakos and shiurim and important goods and services (such as the Yashar Initiative), and the obituary page is very useful. Yes, I check it out, and sadly, frequently enough, I have some kind of connection to the dear departed (A”H). I think some of the issues presented in the Mailbag are over the top, but they are food for thought.

Of course, sometimes they make mistakes even in their regular reporting and print things they shouldn't (HERE) albeit "with a heavy heart" (see my comments at the bottom of that news item).

But their real problem is the "decaffeinated" Coffee Room – their chat forum. In general, I don’t know what is discussed in it, but I question how any moshav leitzim discussion is beneficial at all. Does it really need to exist? And is it really decaffeinated (it kept me up at night)?

[Note – Back in the day, I spent many an hour in the real Coffee Room at BMG Lakewood (drinking real coffee), so I can imagine what goes on in this virtual one.]

The infraction I refer to was a thread dated July 31, 2016 and you can see it HERE.

It started out very favorably for me, as the original poster (OP), named Joseph, started it to recommend my book. It turned ugly soon enough when some detractors got on with their dossier of criticisms. The problem was that the criticisms did not relate to my book, which this guy was recommending, but was actually a discredit on the author of the book, that these folks hadn’t read, on account of my opinions in my blog, not my book. 

I am gratified that this Joseph fellow stuck at my side throughout the thread – even defending the blog posts – but it turned really ugly a year later when a detractor posted to accuse this Joseph fellow of being me in disguise. 

I can assure you that this Joseph person was not me, nor any agent of mine in any capacity, and, as far as I know, we don’t even know each other at all. But if you read the entire thread, you will find me chiming into it in June 2018. That’s just shy of two whole years after the thread was opened. Why then?

Obviously, this is when I discovered that this thread exists and took on a login account at the Coffee Room. Note - this is happening nine years after my book came out, so I had long stopped checking the Internet for search hits on a frequent basis and only did it occasionally. Thus, for two years, this thread was sitting on the heiliger YWN chat forum and I had no idea it was online. 

In its time, it was a fair thread where I had some supporters, some detractors and a few undecideds. If I had known of it, I would have had an opportunity to neutralize the criticism of the detractors (and to state that I am not Joseph), to set the record straight on their blog issues (Joseph helped with that), and to win over the undecideds. 

By the time I discovered the thread, all such opportunity was long gone and the “damage” done by the detractors couldn’t be repaired.

Arrur Makka Re’eihu B’Seter.

I want to be clear that everybody is entitled to their opinions and can voice them. You are welcome to bash my book and/or my blog for what is written there, but it needs to be done “kosher”. This means you can criticize what I wrote but not what you thought I wrote but really didn’t. You need to be objective. You cannot make a “subjective” interpretation and then criticize me on your own subjectivity. And, lastly, you cannot criticize me (or what I write) behind my back. 

These aren’t my rules.

Incidentally, this thread is a clear display of what we are taught is Avak Lashon Harah. This is when one person says even positive things about a person or product in a forum of hypercritical people, and it triggers some detractors to go on and say detrimental things. L’toelles, of course. I don’t mean to blame Joseph who, after all is an ally, or anybody who opens a thread on a chat forum with a praise, plug, recommendation or anything positive. Yet, it is scary to see how frequently things turn around and snowball the other direction. This is especially when dealing with controversial or “political” topics, which is what a lot of chat forums are intended for.

This is quite disturbing. I don’t know who else may have been victimized with LH, SR and MRB on forums like this, but I can’t be the only one.

As is expected, the YWN Coffee Room has a list of rules. First on the list is:

Loshon Hara will not be tolerated at all. We are not and will not become Lashon Hara central.

Either they have become a bit more tolerant, or they don't recognize some forms of Lashon Hara.

A bit further down, there is another rule:

Please don’t try to pry out personal information. Any questions or comments directed towards trying to “figure out” a blogger’s identity will not be tolerated.

Once again, it looks like this rule was "overlooked".

At the bottom of all this, they write an important message - in bold - that just about sums up the entire situation:

This is the Internet and everyone sees what you write. Ve’Hameivin Yavin.

I couldn't have said it better.

So, this wraps up our first culprit. Remember that this is only the Basic form of Makkah Re’eihu B’Seter. The second culprit is way more advanced. It is our frum version of the Tea Dating Advice app. No men allowed. We will look into it in an upcoming post.

Stay tuned for The Mother of all Jewish Chat Groups.

The Cold Play – Zimri and Kazbi Perform in Foxborough

 

Has anybody noticed that I haven’t been posting much of late? Anybody? Anybody?

Oh, well! (Or as my friend Charlie B. used to say – “Good grief!”)

One reason for this silence is that not too many folks notice even when I do write, so what’s the difference?

Much has to do with the fact that the current headlines far overshadow my subject matter. Most of us are focused on the multi-front war and the hostages and the potential deals and ceasefires. I have nothing to contribute to this subject.

The other burning issues are the Israeli domestic right-to-left politics (or, in English, it’s the left-to-right politics), the coalition crisis and the draft issue. Again, I don’t have anything of substance to contribute. I would like to see some viable draft law that recognizes the primacy of Torah learning just like most of us. And I would also like to see that shefa macher in the blonde sheitel be removed from the office she was never elected to in the first place. 

Truth be told, I have two Yeshiva boys of draft age, one married and one single. So, I have skin in the game, but still, nothing innovative to write.

I like to be machadesh (innovate), to write thought-provoking (or just plain provoking) things that stand out and to point out things that nobody else seems to notice. But these high profile current events subjects are over-represented, and I have nothing to add that will provoke much thinking. The subjects that I want to cover, such as how to handle a Din Torah (Project Emesh), are so far from center stage right now that there is no interest. So, why write about it?

But this past week, salvation!

Finally, there is something earth-shattering in the news that is overshadowing all these boring topics like wars and coalition crises and is taking a dominant role at center stage. It is something to bring me out of semi-retirement.

The Coldplay Concert Scandal.

Nothing is making headlines like this event. All the news analysts and gossip column analysts and comedians and influencers are showing the short clip and talking about it.

This has even caught the attention of some frum Jewish YouTube influencers. These include Ben Shapiro, Rabbi Pinchas Taylor, Rabbi Yisroel Goldstein and an article on Aish.com written by Itamar Frankenthal. Most of them, particularly Rabbis Goldstein and Taylor are discussing what we should learn from this debacle and focus on the idea of עין רואה ואוזן שומעת וכל מעשיך בספר נכתבים. We are constantly being watched. All of us. I highly recommend watching these those two clips.

The interesting thing is the titles of these two clips. The one presented by Rabbi Goldstein is titled:

Rabbi Notices Something STRANGE About CEO’s Reaction To Getting Caught Cheating!

The one presented by Rabbi Taylor is titled:

Rabbi Notices Something UNUSUAL About The CEO Affair Saga NO ONE Else Noticed

Everybody is noticing things that others don't. But, with all due respect, I don’t think there was anything really strange about the CEO’s reaction and I don’t think nobody else noticed what Rabbi Taylor noticed. Rabbi Goldstein certainly did. But I did notice something that nobody else noticed. And that is the date.

When exactly was this concert in Boston?

Well, it happened on Wednesday night, July 16, 2025. But we are all Jewish, so in our language it happened on אור ליום חמישי לפרשת פנחס, כ"א תמוז, תשפ"ה – Fifth night of the portion of Pinchas, 21 Tamuz, 5785.

Come again? Which Torah portion?

Pinchas. Or, more accurately, between Parshat Balak and Parshat Pinchas.

And what, precisely, happened on this Wednesday eve between Parshat Balak and Parshat Pinchas?

Yes, indeed. Andy (Zimri) Byron, the Nasi Beis Av of Astronomer (Ovdei Kochavim u’Mazalos), Inc., was caught canoodling in public with Kristin (Kazbi) Cabot-Tzur, Chief of People for all the Midianites and other human resources in Astronomer.

And who caught them?

Chris (Pinchas) Martin. And they were immediately skewered and roasted by this zealous kanaoi. 

And now, Zimri Byron and Kazbi Cabot will be condemned to eternal damnation – or, at least, Internetal damnation – while Pinchas Martin (who I had never heard of) is catapulted into everlasting fame.

Timing is everything.

Do you think this timing is a coincidence? I don’t. Almost always, there is a noticeable connection between a major event to the weekly parsha. And, as minor as this incident is, it is playing like a major event.

So, as usual, this non-coincidence is telling us that none of this is a coincidence. The camera didn’t have to spot this couple, but it did. And the couple could have had the presence of mind to “play it cool”. I believe that a couple caught and broadcast by the “Kiss-cam” is supposed to kiss. If they would have just done that, probably nobody would have been the wiser. But, caught off guard, they panicked and played guilty.

And it happened now, in Parshat Pinchas, so that we should notice this “coincidence”. As if the story of Zimri and Kazbi came alive. It is to teach us that if you act like Zimri and Kazbi in public, you never know who may want to cold-play Pinchas. 

And you can lose everything like these two did. The lesson of adultery is that for a fleeting moment of “olam habah”, one can lose all of their “olam hazeh”. Certainly, this is one of the main lessons of this event. Adultery destroys lives, and can do so very suddenly.

Another concept that came “alive” is the quaint concept that after 120 years we will need to make a din v’cheshbon and face up to it. When I was a kid, my mentors depicted it as that one’s whole life will be displayed on a screen like a movie in a theater and the seats will be filled with souls of people – friends and foes – who will be shown your every deed and thought.

That was scary enough. But, somehow, when you think of it as a big bright Jumbotron which may actually have multiple screens in an immense stadium and a malach with a headset microphone strolling through the center expressing cynical, yet truthful, commentary, it brings the concept to a whole new level.

And the next lesson is that many of us don’t need to wait until 120 years to get exposed. 

רבי יוחנן בן ברוקה אומר: כל המחלל שם שמים בסתר - נפרעין ממנו בגלוי. אחד שוגג, ואחד מזיד בחילול השם.

Says Rabi Yochanan ben Baroka: One who commits a Chillul Hashem in private gets retribution in public.

Even though the concept of Kiddush Hashem and Chillul Hashem is reserved for us Jewish folks, the lesson is generic. When one is “naughty” in private, he gets his come-uppance in public. This applies to non-Jews as much as to us. Maybe even more so.

And we learn that “public" does not have to mean merely in front of a large crowd or even in the presence of a 65,000 seat stadium. It can mean in front of the whole entire [online] world!

This entire episode is meant to show us G-d’s power –

לידע להודיע ולהודע שהוא אל, הוא היוצר, הוא הבורא, הוא המבין, הוא הדיין, הוא עד, הוא בעל דין, והוא עתיד לדון.

To know, to inform and to be informed that He is the Almighty, He is the the Designer, He is the Creator, He is the Expert, He is the Judge, He is the Witness, He is the Litigant, He is destined to Judge.

So it is clearly the Hand of G-d that has turned this non-event into a worldwide front page news item. This indicates to us that G-d wants us to notice it and to learn the associated lessons, and make some adjustments.

Of course, we don’t all need to be taught these lessons. There are some of us, particularly those who do not go “online”, who already know all of this and don’t need to be reminded. But for the rest of us hedyotot (idiots), this event was a G-dsend. 

It is for this reason that I must respectfully disagree with a good friend of mine (actually a relative through marriage), Rav Itamar Frankenthal, in his article on Aish.com.

The premise of his article is that human dignity is sacrosanct for all humans. I am in full agreement with this. He also maintains that the Internet has become today’s Roman Colosseum wherein people are destroyed for the entertainment of others. Not only do I fully agree with this myself, but I have written as such in many previous posts.

But none of these are chiddushim. The chiddush that he wants to make is that merely by following a news item, a person is automatically part of the lynch mob. Just clicking on a headline is like adding “oxygen” to a fire and anyone who follows the item is “an arsonist”.

I think he is being way too extreme. I also think that when one wants to mussar the masses in this manner, it is best to choose worthy test models from whom to make his case.

If I understand him correctly, he is saying that anyone who passes a burning building and stops to look at it is an arsonist. Just by looking at it, he has added another can of gasoline. Of course, it’s a good idea to call the fire department if nobody did so already, but the best thing is just to ignore it and move on. Otherwise, you are making it worse.

It's hard to agree with this. It's hard to call one an arsonist if the building is already on fire and it's hard to call someone a murderer if the victim is already dead. the Torah says: שלם ישלם המעביר את הבערה - pay, he must pay, he who ignited the fire.

Who pays?

The one who ignited the fire. And if one burns his own building, there is no other mazik but him to do the paying.

 

Normally, when a building is burning there is a crowd standing around watching what is going on. Should they all be arrested? 

Yet, watching a building burn that is not yours can be a catalyst to make some overdue precautions. An onlooker may be inspired to install smoke detectors in his house or to recheck his electric wiring. He may be inspired to upgrade his insurance or to settle his affairs with the Italian “bill collectors" who have hearts of stone and knuckles of brass. He may have been aware all the time that he needs to implement these measures but neglected them, and this event was necessary to bring home the urgency and shock him out of complacency.

This message was conveyed by both the Chabad influencers, Rabbis Goldstein and Taylor, and it is known as the Besht’s hashgacha pratis. Even ultra-liberal Rahm Emanuel told us, “Never let a crisis go to waste”. It doesn’t mean that anybody needs to create the crisis, nor to exacerbate it. But one can, and should, learn from it and make the most of it.

Of course, a compassionate person must sympathize with another’s misfortune and help them overcome their loss. But I don’t think this applies to when a person sets their own house on fire which is what “Zimri” and “Kazbi” did.

Now, if your intent on clicking on a news item is to join the lynch mob, which seems to be the case of Rav Itamar's second example, he is absolutely correct. But, again, it’s no chiddush to preach to fellow Jews not to be part of the lynch mob. On this note, his reference to Tamar as not wanting to shame Yehuda was pertinent to the discussion, but once again, it’s old news.

Yet, it indeed teaches us that there needs to be a balance between observing another’s misfortune for what it can teach us and overdoing it. And this may be what he really means. But this lesson is not taught from Yehuda and Tamar but rather by the Torah law that all people who are executed in Beis Din by stoning should be hung in public. This law is what immediately follows the case of the Ben Sorer – recalcitrant son – which concludes with an order of:

 ובערת הרע מקרבך וכל ישראל ישמעו ויראו.

And you must destroy the evil from your midst and all of Israel shall hear it and see it.

HKBH wants all of the Jews (apparently, even the pious chareidi ones) to witness what happens to one who misbehaves and ignores warnings from Beis Din. This is the most effective way to destroy the evil from our midst. 

Then the Torah continues that anyone who is put to death [by stoning] should have their corpse hung up for display. No doubt, this is a tremendous disgrace for the deceased sinner, but HKBH orders it for the good of the nation. Nevertheless, this display is very short lived. The body must be taken down by sundown. Any indignity beyond what is needed to accomplish the goal is forbidden.

Zimri and Kazbi acted in public and brought on a deadly plague. The only way to stop the plague was to kill them in public so that everyone can be an eyewitness to the type of behavior that HKBH despises.

Nothing does the trick like seeing it all up in lights on the big Jumbotron screen.