It is erev Yom Kippur and I have come to clear up a gross misconception.
Every year at this time, we are reminded again and again about the fundamental rules of doing teshuva based on the last Mishna in Masechet Yoma. And we hear that Yom Kippur only atones for the sins between ourselves and HKBH. The sins between us and our fellow man are not atoned unless we placate the injured party. There are those who want to say that if one has not straightened out his issues with his fellow man, Yom Kippur doesn’t even work for sins between man and G-d.
Quite discomforting, don’t you think?
And so, on erev Yom Kippur we are all in a frenzy calling up our parents and in-laws and chavrusas and spouses and coworkers and whoever else and wishing them a last minute “G’mar Chasima Tova” and glibly adding that “In case I have done anything to you that I should not have, please be moichel me.” Whereupon we smugly wait for the confirmation and reciprocate in kind.
That’ll do it. My teshuva is complete.
There is only one problem with all of this. The importance of asking mechila is not meant for friends and relatives – ohavim. It is meant to be done with enemies and rivals – sonim and mechablim.
This is very rarely done. It is definitely not as simple as it looks.
Why is it so rare for enemies to make up?
This is going to surprise you.
The problem does not lie with the offenders. The problem lies with the offendeds!
Let’s look at the gemara in Yoma 87a:
רב הוה ליה מילתא בהדי ההוא טבחא לא אתא לקמיה במעלי יומא דכפורי אמר איהו איזיל אנא לפיוסי ליה פגע ביה רב הונא אמר ליה להיכא קא אזיל מר אמר ליה לפיוסי לפלניא אמר אזיל אבא למיקטל נפשא
Rav had a spat with a certain butcher ( i.e., the butcher offended Rav – Rashi). He (the butcher) did not approach Rav on erev Yom Kippur. Said Rav to himself, “Let me go and placate.” On the way he met up with Rav Huna. Rav Huna asked him, “Where are you going to?” Rav answered to placate this fellow. Rav Huna responded, “Abba (Rav) is setting out to kill a person.”
The story continues that the butcher was not very receptive to Rav and that it did not end well for the butcher. (It ended for the butcher, but not very well.) The butcher exclaimed, “Go away, I have no issue with you.”
This is a very confusing story. The tone indicates that Rav was the injured party and expected the butcher to initiate a reconciliation. When this didn’t happen, Rav went personally to the butcher and we are told that his goal is to placate the butcher.
Was this an act of midas chasiddus (chivalry), or did Rav carry an obligation? Why did Rav say he is out to placate the butcher if he is the injured party?
Far be it from me to have a disparaging view on Rav, the great Tana u’Palig, but I would like to suggest the possibility Rav was not totally blameless in this fiasco. As they say, it takes two to tango. The butcher seemed to have his own grievance and didn’t think he owed any apology to Rav. Perhaps Rav was humble enough to assume that maybe the butcher has a legitimate gripe, and he is no less responsible to initiate a reconciliation as the butcher is to him. (See this post about apologies.)
Hence, Rav took the initiative to extend the olive branch to the butcher. Of course, the butcher should have accepted the gesture and cut his losses. Instead, he cut his own throat. Poor choice.
But this does indeed open up a Pandora’s box. Whose responsibility is it to initiate the act of reconciliation? Is the party who thinks he is the injured party free to sit back and tell himself, “This guy offended me and it’s his business to approach me and ask mechila. If he doesn’t, it’s his problem. His Yom Kippur will go to waste, not mine.”?
I don’t think so. I think it is the job of the injured party to contact the offender and to let him know that he expects to be placated.
Where do I get this from?
The laws of nezikim – damages.
When party A wrongs party B, whether it is personal or financial, party B feels that he was damaged or injured. Hence the term “injured party”. An injury is a damage.
If somebody is cheating me out of money, this is financial damage. If someone embarrassed me or slandered me, it is social damage. When the circumstances are clear-cut, I can sue the offending party for the damages. This is why we have Batei Din and Choshen Mishpat.
So, what are the rules in Choshen Mishpat about being damaged? Says the gemara in Bava Kama (46b):
א"ר שמואל בר נחמני מניין להמוציא מחבירו עליו הראיה שנאמר (שמות כד, יד) מי בעל דברים יגש אליהם יגיש ראיה אליהם. מתקיף לה רב אשי הא למה לי קרא סברא הוא דכאיב ליה כאיבא אזיל לבי אסיא
Says Rav Shmuel bar Nachmeni: From where do we know that if one wants to collect from another, he must bring proof (this includes initiating the claim)? For it states: He who is a litigant should approach them [the substitute judges]. Also to mean, He who is a litigant must present his proofs to them.
Rashi tells us: Litigant – Plaintiff. The gemara continues:
Rav Ashi challenges: Why do we need a verse for this? This is self-evident. One who is in pain (i.e., injured) must go to a doctor.
The “doctor” is a simile for a judge. The gemara is telling us that the claimant is responsible for filing the case in Beis Din to resolve it if it comes to this. Likewise, he carries the burden of proof. This is so elementary that we don’t even need a Torah verse for this. And it is just as elementary that even before this point, the claimant needs to take his grievance to the offending party. If he doesn’t, how should the defendant even know that he has a grievance?
It is possible that the defendant is not even aware that there was any damage inflicted in whatever encounter they may have had. He may also underrate it’s significance. He may also assume that the plaintiff does not feel damaged or is prepared to waive the damage.
Even on the most unequivocal obligation, such as a loan, the obligation to pay without being solicited is only a mitzva. No question, the borrower is obligated by mitzvah to return the money at the appointed time, but if he doesn’t, and the lender doesn’t claim him at least once, he can justify that maybe the lender waived to loan.
More so, when the “debt” is in question or the amount is under dispute, this is precisely the lesson of the gemara in Bava Kama 46b. It is the responsibility of the toveah – claimant – to approach the defendant and stake his claim. If the defendant concedes, all is well, or else they can try to work it out between them or, when all else fails, they can enlist the opinions of dayanim.
But the key here is that the initial motion must be taken by the claimant. Of course, unlike the butcher in the story with Rav, the defendant needs to cooperate. But he can sit at home and enjoy life until the day the toveah rings his bell.
The “debt” of an apology or request for mechila is just like any other debt. If he knows for certain that he is indebted to the “claimant”, he is obligated to settle it up or, at least, to approach the claimant and ask him if he still demands payment – i.e., an apology or request for mechila. And he would be very wise to pay up.
But when the situation is not so clear-cut, like when both sides have grievances against each other, or one or both parties do not think the other’s grievance is legitimate, it is the responsibility of he who wants to “get paid” to justify his claim. Moreover, it is quite likely that the offending party is not even aware of the grievance, may have forgotten all about it, may think it is no big deal, or that the offended party has forgotten or forgiven it already.
The point is that if the expected apology is not forthcoming, the one who feels he was offended has a responsibility to demand it and to clear the air. If he doesn’t do it, he is the “bad guy”, not the "offensive" person he has a gripe with.
We are taught that the prohibition of לא תשנא אחיך בלבבך – do not hate your brother in your heart – means one may not bear a grudge, even if justified, and to neglect to tell the subject that you hold a grudge against him. If you bear a grudge, you must inform him and set the stage for the two of you to reconcile, just like we learn from Rav.
And so, surprisingly enough, anybody who holds a grudge against a person and thinks that it’s that person’s job to set it right but doesn’t claim his “debt”, and then goes into Yom Kippur smug that he is in the clear and the other fellow is going to have a wasted Yom Kippur, is in for a painful surprise.
Most of us have our very short list of people, usually friends and relatives, that we don’t mind asking mechila from and one or two cases where we really need that mechila. And these are the people we contact.
But we have it all wrong. And we are contacting the wrong people.
We all need to have a list, as long as it needs to be, of people that wronged us, that we want them to ask mechila from us and we need to get busy on the phone or email or WhatsApp and contact every single one of these people and let them know that there’s a score to settle. If we don’t, our own Yom Kippur will not be complete.
So, instead of glibly asking mechila from anybody (everybody?), I want to ask anybody who really thinks that I need to ask mechila to contact me and let me know (with all the details).
We are all familiar with the liturgical chapters of Tehillim that we say regularly on a daily basis and on Shabbos and Yomim Tovim in our prayers. To these, we can add those that we say on special occasions and for specific entreaties and requests. Some of us may say Tikun Klali or have their own list of “favorites”.
When all this is said and done, we are familiar with a large chunk of Tehillim, perhaps a third of the sefer or more. Yet we know that there are so many mysterious unfamiliar chapters that are just as significant and inspirational that don’t get much recognition.
Just out of curiosity and in preparation for the upcoming Rosh Hashanah and the year 5785, הבעל"ט, I decided to check out the corresponding chapter for 57’85’ – chapter 85. For most of us, and certainly for me, this is one of those chapters that falls through the cracks and does not merit a lot of publicity.
So now, when I looked at this unfamiliar chapter in the context of today’s current events, I was totally “floored”. I think it is eerily prophetic as well as inspiring and comforting.
This perek talks to us about how HKBH is going to appease our (His) land and return our captives and that He will forgive our sins and no longer be angry with us and will shower the world with truth.
There is nothing we need more right now.
I will embed a complete text in both Lashon Kodesh and English.
The embedded text may not be displayed in the email versions, so I will add a link (HERE) and I will paste in only the English text to avoid issues of shem Hashem. Here is the complete chapter translated into English from the Chabad site:
For the conductor, a song of the sons of Korach.
O Lord, You have appeased Your land; You have returned the Captivity of Jacob.
You have forgiven the iniquity of Your people; You have concealed all their sin forever.
You have taken in all Your wrath; You have retreated from the fierceness of Your anger.
Return us, O G-d of our salvation and revoke Your anger with us.
Will You be wroth with us forever? Will You extend Your anger to generation after generation?
Will You not return and revive us so that Your people will rejoice with You?
Show us, O Lord, Your kindness, and Your salvation You shall give to us.
I shall hear what G-d will speak when He speaks peace to His people and to His pious men, and they will not return to folly.
Truly, His salvation is near those who fear Him, so that His glory dwell in our land.
Kindness and truth have met; righteousness and peace have kissed.
Truth will sprout from the earth, and righteousness will look down from heaven.
G-d too will give good, and our land will give its produce.
Righteousness will go before him, and He will place it on the way of his steps.
May this be a prophecy that reaches fulfilment. May all the hostages and soldiers be back home in time for Shemini Atzeres.
שיר המעלות בשוב ה' את שיבת ציון היינו כחלמים. אז ימלא שחק פינו ולשוננו רנה. אז יאמרו בגוים הגדיל ה' לעשות עם אלה...
Behold, I am reposting my Shana Tova message from 5771. It looks like it may still be relevant today.
In 5771 I wrote: Maybe, just maybe, by the end of the year, he will really mean it.
[It seems that he tried to run for president again in 2017 but was shoved aside by the "bosses". He missed a thrilling helicopter ride last spring. Good for him. Maybe they need to take him out of the mothballs since they are running a bit low on inspirational "leaders".]
ויאמר כל אשר נשמה באפו, ה' אלוקי ישראל מלך -- ומלכותו בכל משלה!
וגם את־הצרעה ישלח ה' אלהיך בם עד־אבד הנשארים והנסתרים מפניך: (דברים פרק ז פסוק כ)
הצרעה - מין שרץ העוף, שהיתה זורקת בהן מרה ומסרסתן ומסמָא עיניהם בכל מקום שהיו נסתרים שם (ראה סוטה לו , א).
Hashem, your G-d, will also send the hornet upon them until all the remaining and hiding of them are destroyed from before you.(Devarim 7:20)
Rashi – Hornet: A type of flying insect that would cast into them gall (venom) which would emasculate them and blind their eyes wherever they would be hiding. (Sotah 36a)
The second you hear anything buzz, watch out!
We Jews are obligated in 613 torah commandments and plenty of Rabbinic ones to boot. The non-Jews get off easy. They are only obligated in 7 commandments. This applies to almost any type of non-Jew with one exception. The descendants of Yishmael (Arabs).
In addition to the universal 7 commandments, the sons of Yishmael have one additional Torah obligation. Circumcision (Brit Milah).
This commandment was given to Avraham Avinu to be passed down to all of his descendants, and this includes Yishmael. And, in fact, the descendants of Yishmael do perform this mitzvah. They do not do it as thoroughly as we do, but they indeed do perform it. But this is all that they do. They perform this mitzvah and then perform any other activities that can be performed with this organ.
עשרה קבים זנות ירדו לעולם תשעה נטלה ערביא ואחד כל העולם כולו. (קידושין מ"ט:)
This mitzvah is not meant to be only performed. It is meant to sanctify a person. It comes with an additional obligation –
ואתה את בריתי תשמר
We must guard the bris. It should only be used for constructive purposes.
Our Yishmaeli cousins go less than half way. Not only do they stop short of complete performance of the milah, they do not practice shmiras habris at all.
As such, HKBH says, “If you do not guard the bris, you do not deserve to keep it.”
And so, this past week, we have seen some astonishing events that HKBH has inflicted upon some of the Yishmaelim to our North. An entire shipment of communication devices miraculously malfunctioned all at once. Those who were stricken by it felt the heat in three primary places – the eyes, the hands, and the lower extremities (the “bris”).
This is the sting of the Hornet – the צרעה.
Why these three parts?
The eyes – ולא יראה בך ערות דבר ושב מאחריך (Devarim 23:15)
The hands - כל היד המרבה לבדוק בנשים, משובחת. ובאנשים, תקצץ. Any hand that is frequent to inspect [the genital area], if that of a woman is praiseworthy, if that of a man is fit to be amputated.(Niddah 13a)
The bris - ואתה את בריתי תשמר
If Yishmael is required to perform the bris, he is likewise required to guard the bris. If not, he is misusing it.
And so, HKBH tells Moshe (Shmos 34:10):
ויאמר הנה אנכי כרת ברית נגד כל עמך אעשה נפלאת אשר לא נבראו בכל הארץ ובכל הגוים וראה כל העם אשר אתה בקרבו את מעשה ה' כי נורא הוא אשר אני עשה עמך
And He (HKBH) said, “Behold I will be ‘koress a bris’. All across your nation I will do wonders that have not been created in the entire world and for any of the [United] nations. And the entire nation that has you among them will see the actions of G-d, for He is awesome, which I will do for you.
Perhaps there is more than one way to be koress a bris.
HKBH keeps His word. He is performing for us unprecedented wonders. And He is sending them the Hornet to blind them and emasculate them. He is trying to communicate with them. He is paging them.
I don’t know if they got the message. But the message is really for us.
In my opening post, I quoted several frightening statements from Chazal that spell out how enormous is the responsibility of Jewish judges and that many are those who are guilty of “mismanagement” (to be nice). I don’t know if any of these passages are as frightening as the one that we all know from the Mishna at the end of the first chapter of Pirkei Avos:
רבן שמעון בן גמליאל אומר, על שלשה דברים העולם קיים, על הדין ועל האמת ועל השלום, שנאמר (זכריה ח, טז) אמת ומשפט שלום שפטו בשעריכם.
Raban Shimon ben Gamliel says: The world remains in existence on account of three things – on judgement (Din), on truth (Emess), and on peace (Shalom), as is written (Zecharia 8:16), “truth and judgement and peace must be judged in your cities.”
The implication of this statement is that the application of these three things are vitally essential for sustaining the continued existence of the world. One who upholds these values is sustaining the existence of the world and, conversely, one who is responsible for maintaining these values and shirks his responsibility – and more so if he acts against these values – is destroying the world.
Destroying the world!
As said, these three values keep the world from self-immolation. According to the Mishna they are:
Din – Emess – Shalom
But, according to the verse in Zecharia 8:16 that teaches this to us, they are:
Emess – Mishpat – Shalom
E. M. Sh. = EMeSh.
Introducing Project Emesh. Project Emess, Mishpat and Shalom.
This Mishna in Avos is so fundamental that Rabenu Yaakov ben Asher, the Tur Shulchan Aruch, quotes it to open his section on monetary laws, Choshen Mishpat (1:1).
The Tur writes a very long introduction, but his main point is that without din - the rule of the judges - along with emess (truth), there cannot be any shalom (peace). Note that the Beis Yosef, ad loc., wants to say that the attribute of din applies to the dayanim, the attribute of emess applies to the witnesses and the attribute of shalom applies to the litigants once they accept the ruling. But the Tur himself places all three things in the domain of the dayanim. If the dayanim do not judge properly, they are ultimately to blame that there is no peace among the litigants.
This even applies if they are called upon to sit in judgement and refrain from doing so. They are not at liberty to walk away. Every Jew is responsible to do what he or she can to prevent another Jew from suffering losses to life, limb or property. This obligation is called השבת אבידה.
This mitzva happens to be written in this week’s Parsha, Ki Teitzeh (Devarim 22:1 and 22:4). In the mitzva of hashavas aveida (and the following one), the Torah tells us one cannot be present when another Jew’s sheep is wandering or their donkey collapses and ignore them (לא תראה...והתעלמת). If he is present and is in position to assist, he is obligated to do so. We will see the importance of this in future posts.
In my own experiences in monetary Batei Din I have seen way too much shefichas “damim”, in all its ambiguity. This is why it brings cherev to the world (Avos 5:11). There are flaws in the system that cause this that can be easily fixed.
The mission of Project Emesh is to identify the flaws and to suggest possible remedies. Allow me to repeat what I wrote in my previous post:
This is a project to educate readers about Beis Din. What it is and what it isn’t; how it works and how it should work; what every person should know before they call for a Din Torah or before they respond to one; and how to avoid getting hurt.
Most people, even the most learned among us don’t have a clue.
In short, it is an exercise in hashavas aveida.
One Above and Seven Below was released 17 years ago. As I wrote in the Introduction of the book, its primary purpose is to educate consumers of Judaism as to how it really works. How to get the best results from this “product”. Sadly, those of us who aren’t learned aren’t learned and, as such, they are “consumers” (as opposed to “professionals” or “experts”).
One of the most neglected parts of our religion are the laws of business and monetary issues and resolving disputes. As I wrote in my section about prenups, this applies to family law as well. People blindly get married without really knowing the rights and obligations of each side and what to do if, chas v’shalom, their problems get as far as a Beis Din. When they get to Beis Din, they don’t know what hits them. For this reason, I suggested reforming the Chassan-Kallah education system to include relevant parts of Even HaEzer.
If a kallah is taught what kinds of behaviors will result in her losing her ketubah in Beis Din, she will know that these behaviors are not only unacceptable, but are hazardous to her bottom line. This should bring about better conduct during a marriage and, when the worst happens, a smoother divorce. But these rules are usually not even taught.
When it comes to Batei Din for mammonos, the problems go way beyond mere ignorance of the players and not knowing the rules, i.e., problems that apply to the litigants. the problems also concern the dayanim of the Batei Din who take advantage of this universal ignorance to bypass the rules. This happens in Batei Din for gittin as well, but there is more hefkeirus (lawlessness) in the monetary courts.
I will explain why this is so in an upcoming post, but I will divulge one part of the reason. A lot of this has to do with the independence of the various Batei Din. There is absolutely no regulation or oversight for Batei Din, no organization that controls or “unionizes” the Batei Din to work within uniform guidelines. There are no ethics committees and no courts of appeal. There is no Vaad HaKashrut for Batei Din. Not in Israel, for the monetary Batei Din, and not in the diaspora for any Batei Din.
We need these things. Without them, there is no authentic mishpat, no emess and certainly no shalom. This is destroying the world.
And so, the primary mission of Project Emesh, just like the mission of One Above and Seven Below, is to educate the consumerist public about how the system works and how to use it successfully. I consider both to be an exercise in hashavas aveida.
The secondary objective is to serve or establish some kind of regulatory body which will oversee all affiliated Batei Din. Any Beis Din that won’t be affiliated with this umbrella agency will be considered a outcast. This is similar to the Vaad Mishmeres HaSTaM here in Eretz Yisrael. At some point, I would like to create a database of specific Batei Din and rate their efficiency and compliance.
The ultimate goal is to strengthen emess, mishpat and shalom. Thus, the ultimate goal is to sustain the world!
The upcoming posts will present the realities, the problems and the solutions. They are based on my personal experiences in Beis Din and some as an observer, my association with dayanim and toanim, and my [limited] knowledge of Choshen Mishpat. I know enough to take on this project but there is plenty that I don’t know and would like to.
As such, I encourage any and all readers who have firsthand accounts of the excesses of our Batei Din (i.e., “horror stories”) to share their stories with me. I only want the true objective facts but as much detail as possible. I am more interested in the monetary Batei Din, but stories of any Batei Din are valuable.
As of right now, Project Emesh is nothing more than a concept that resides in my blog site. It is not an official NPO or Amuta, but I hope it will one day be one. It is not [yet] monetized, it has no staff, no web page and no specific email address. It’s all right here.
I do not yet have a dedicated web site or email address for this project, so for now, all correspondence should be sent to my One Above email address: 1a7b.author@gmail.com.
I hope this project will take off, make a name for itself and a place for itself (Amuta), and make a constructive difference in Orthodox Jewish society. Who knows? Maybe I’ll even get interviewed on Meaningful People.
After all, I am trying to strengthen Emess, Mishpat and Shalom with the goal of sustaining the entire world. What could be more meaningful than that?
I find it interesting that Rosh Chodesh Ellul, which prepares us for ימי הדין – the days of Heavenly judgement - always falls out around Parshas Shoftim which tell us how to establish Batei Din and to judge our fellow man here on Earth. This is no accident.
Parshas Shoftim begins with the laws that apply to judges and witnesses. We hear the key rules about not corrupting the din, not playing favorites, not accepting bribes, and the epic statement: צדק צדק תרדוף. Pursue nothing but justice. Also, we learn how a judge cannot dissent after the majority has ruled (זקן ממרא), that all punishments and monetary judgements require two witnesses, and the reciprocal punishment for false witnesses (עדים זוממים).
Jewish judges have a great deal of responsibility. This is a strong message for Ellul.
But the Parsha is not done. After all of the talk about Batei Din, it moves on to discussing appointing a king and how to fight wars.
Is there a connection?
Well, let's note that we revisit the responsibility of judges in the very last segment. The very last segment instructs us to undergo the עגלה ערופה ritual, which is to decapitate a calf when the body of a dead traveler is discovered in peacetime. The Torah tells us that the “elders of the closest town” together with the Kohanim must beg for atonement on the mysterious death to ward off Heavenly retribution. And who are these “elders”?
They are the dayanim.
How do they beg for atonement?
The dayanim declare, “Our hands did not shed this person’s blood. And our eyes did not see.” And then the Kohanim say, “Atone for the nation of Israel…”
“Our hands…Our eyes”. Who needs the atonement, the people or the judges?
Rashi quotes the Mishna in Sotah (45b) that asks this question:
Is it conceivable that the judges of the Beit Din are shedders of blood (murderers)? Rather, the judges are saying that we did not see this person in our town and send him off without provisions or without anyone escorting him.
This passage in Chazal is telling us that, even without plunging a knife into one’s neck, the “authorities” can still be held accountable for his death at the hands of another person. This would be in case he wasn‘t treated properly; in case he needed assistance and was ignored; in case he wasn’t looked after.
The dayanim are responsible for this. They have shed his blood.
Now let’s return to all the previous lessons about going out to war that are sandwiched between the beginning and end of our parsha and repeat the earlier question: Is there a connection?
I think there is. The Mishna in Pirkei Avos (5:11) clearly tells us:
חרב באה לעולם על עוות הדין ועל עינוי הדין ועל המורים בתורה שלא כהלכה.
Sword (i.e., violent death) comes to the world due to corrupting judgement, delaying judgement and issuing rulings that don’t conform with Halacha.
This corruption can only be referring to the judges of Beit Din. When the judges are not carrying out their job properly, we are stricken with war and death. The dayanim are responsible for this bloodshed.
I wrote as much in a post on March 6, 2024. Let's review:
On a subject that I haven’t really addressed in these pages, but I intend to, I have seen numerous instances over the years, of pious dayanim and Batei Din who, let’s just say, were making mistakes. I am talking about mistakes that didn’t need to happen and that have caused damages to people that also didn’t need to happen.
I am talking about easily avoidable damages and, in some cases, easily fixable damages. Yet, the dayanim involved are not too eager to acknowledge the mistakes, nor to fix or minimize the damage. One shocking instance happened just recently, in this apocalyptic period.
Ever since Shemini Atzeres, we are currently in a situation of cherev – sword – which means war and violent death. According to Chazal, there must be some responsibility from the Batei Din. What’s more shocking is that on November 30, 2024, at the height of the war, there was a tragic terrorist attack at the entrance of Yerushalayim which claimed four precious Jews. One was a very prominent dayan, a second was the niece of a dayan and one of the wounded was likewise a dayan.
This “cherev” does not only come to the tzibur, but it comes to the dayanim themselves.
Our dayanim are not only accountable for the ravages of war, but for all kinds of national misfortunes. And not just national misfortunes, even international ones. This is what Chazal tell us in the gemara in Shabbos 139a:
תניא רבי יוסי בן אלישע אומר אם ראית דור שצרות רבות באות עליו צא ובדוק בדייני ישראל שכל פורענות שבאה לעולם לא באה אלא בשביל דייני ישראל שנאמר )מיכה ג, ט) שמעו נא זאת ראשי בית יעקב וקציני בית ישראל המתעבים משפט ואת כל הישרה יעקשו בונה ציון בדמים וירושלים בעולה ראשיה בשוחד ישפוטו וכהניה במחיר יורו ונביאיה בכסף יקסומו ועל ה' ישענו וגו' .
We are taught in Braitha – Rabi Yosi ben Elisha says: If you see a generation that numerous troubles overwhelm it, go and investigate the Judges of Israel for all misfortunes that come to the worldonly come due to the Judges of Israel, as is written (Micha 3:9), “Please hear this the leaders of the House of Jacob and the officers of the House of Israel who detest justice and corrupt all that is straightforward, they construct Zion with blood and Jerusalem with wrongdoing. Its leaders judge based on bribery and its priests issue rulings for a price and its prophets will conjure for money and they will justify all their activities on G-d[liness]…”
That same gemara later adds:
אמר ר"א בן מלאי משום ר"ל מאי דכתיב (ישעיהו נט, ג) כי כפיכם נגואלו בדם ואצבעותיכם בעון שפתותיכם דברו שקר לשונכם עולה תהגה כי כפיכם נגואלו בדם אלו הדיינין ואצבעותיכם בעון אלו סופרי הדיינין שפתותיכם דברו שקר אלו עורכי הדיינין לשונכם עולה תהגה אלו בעלי דינין
Says Rabi Eliezer ben Malai in the name of Resh Lakish: What is the meaning of the verse (Yeshaya 59:3), “For your palms are soiled with blood and your fingers with sin, your lips speak falsehoods and your tongues pronounce invective…”? Palms soiled in blood – these are the judges. Fingers with sin – these are the court scribes. Lips speak falsehoods – these are the advocates (Toanim). Tongues pronounce invectives – these are the litigants.
We can understand that the advocates and litigants who are הדיוטות (commoners) are not expected to be saints. That’s why they are in court. They don’t take any bribes, they just pay them. And they wouldn’t pay them if the dayanim wouldn’t take them. But what is the excuse for the corruption of the pious and learned dayanim and the scribes?
Their palms are soiled in blood.
All of this is in line with the gemara in Moed Katan 5a which says that the “authorities” (i.e., local Beis Din) are responsible to oversee that roads and streets are smooth and safe, are clear of debris and thorns, and that all the Mikvaos are kosher. After stating this, the gemara adds a very strong admonition:
From where do we know that if they did not oversee these things, that anyone who is hurt or injured is viewed as if they (Beis Din) are the ones who shed their blood? From this pasuk (Devarim 19:10), והיה עליך דמים “And there will be upon you (עליך) bloods.”
[Note, it does not say והיה בך דמים “There will be bloods among you” but rather עליך“upon you” meaning the death or injury is put upon the authorities.]
All this tells us that when a dayan is irresponsible and causes damage, he has blood on his hands.
I have personally been to Beis Din (monetary) on several occasions both on the inside and the outside and I have seen way too much שפיכות דמים. As I noted in my March 6 post, a lot of this שפיכת דמים is avoidable. I am greatly disturbed that I do not see the general institution of Beis Din or the individual dayanim taking any measures whatsoever to avoid it or even to reduce it. All too often, when the dayanim of today exclaim ידנו לא שפכו את הדם הזה, they are not being truthful. And I have seen dayanim meet untimely deaths and other misfortunes as a result.
For quite some time, I have yearned to address this problem in my blog and to suggest obvious remedies. To date, I have been delaying this in hopes that the prophecy of Yeshaya 1:25 will beat me to it. Yeshaya says:
(ישעיהו א, כה) ואשיבה ידי עליך ואצרוף כבור סגיך ואסירה כל בדיליך ואשיבה שופטיך כבראשונה ויועציך כבתחלה וגו'.
“And I will restore My hand upon it and will smelt off your scum as with lye and remove all your impurities and I will restore your judges as they were at first and your advisors as in the beginning…”
So far, it hasn’t happened, and I cannot put it off any longer. This is a very complex subject, and it will require either a short series of long posts or a long series of short posts. My experience as a blogger tells me that the second approach is much preferred, so I will try to keep the posts shorter than my usual ones. As a bonus, when they are shorter and take less time to write, I can post more frequently and maintain a rhythm.
With this, I am announcing the launch of Project Emesh.
This is a project to educate readers about Beis Din. What it is and what it isn’t; how it works and how it should work; what every person should know before they call for a Din Torah or before they respond to one; and how to avoid getting hurt.
Most people who haven't been to a Din Torah, even the most learned among us, don’t have a clue.
Although I am unworthy of this momentous task, I don’t see anyone else taking it on (specifically for cases of mammonus). I will be more than happy if others join me or even take it over and relieve me of this task.
Why is it called Project Emesh? What is the meaning of the term Emesh?
Well, I just wrote that I want the posts of this series to be shorter, so I will leave this mystery for the next post.
Meanwhile let’s stay safe and keep our hands clean.
כפר לעמך ישראל אשר פדית ה' ואל תתן דם נקי בקרב עמך ישראל
Note – If you are not up to date on this topic, you can see previous posts HERE. It is also helpful to see this post about the 13 principles of faith: The Amalek Within Us.
It may appear that I am overdoing it with Dassi Erlich’s distasteful dis-faithful book, In Bad Faith. So far, I invested a long post just to analyze the cover of her book and then another four posts to analyze the inside. Basically, I am done with the book (I have lost faith in it). But, as a grand finale, there is one more component that I want to analyze.
The author.
No, I am not interested in psychoanalyzing Dassi or her mental state. She does plenty of that herself in the book and I have nothing to add. Besides, this is way above my “pay grade” in terms of expertise.
I want to analyze her relationship to G-d. I have much more expertise in this field.
I have always been fascinated by irreligious Jews. How do they deal with the inherent contradiction of identifying as the nation of G-d while at the same time ignoring His commandments?
This may not be such a perplexing question regarding Jews who are openly atheistic or who are not educated and have never been religious. But those who were brought up in a religious environment were taught that there is a Creator of this world who manages the whole shooting match and makes an accounting at the end of the game. How do they see all this?
Are they truly non-believers or are they just living in denial?
I have written about this in previous posts. I think the most comprehensive one is this one (HERE). This post analyzed our 13 principles of faith and explained how people can claim to believe in G-d (or in god) and still be secular. Here is what I wrote about my dilemma:
When a Jewish person who was brought up Orthodox and educated Orthodox and was taught Torah and mitzvos stops observing Torah and mitzvos for whatever reason, he or she is saying that they don’t believe in principles 10 and 11. They won’t be rewarded and they certainly won’t be punished. Most likely, they do not believe in principles 6-9, either. They can claim that they believe in G-d and even in “justice”, but it is their definition of justice, not G-d’s. They may be “good” people with social morals, but they are not Yarei Elokim and they have no boundaries.
And there are even Jews who can be called “Orthodox”… They may even believe in principles 5-8. But somehow things change in principle 9 (there will be no other Torah). Suddenly, the Torah becomes flexible.
As such, they may rationalize:
When G-d says …Jews should not be imprisoned, He doesn’t really mean it. When He says, Jews cannot be sent out of the Land of Israel, He doesn’t really mean it. When He says that Jews are not to be handed over to non-Jews for punishment, He doesn’t really mean it. When He says not to shame people in public for things they have done in the past but are no longer doing, He doesn’t really mean it. When He says to love Him and do His mitzvos even when He takes your life or your money or gives you a rough time in life, He doesn’t really mean it.
And they will think:
This is because we have to be “just” and “moral” people and, regardless of what G-d says, this isn’t my idea of justice and morality. So I can …denounce Jews to non-Jewish police for past sins (not just for current ones) and I can see to it that they are extradited and imprisoned and shamed and destroy their families and prevent them from repairing their lives because this is “justice”.
All of this may be applicable to Nicole Meyer who, at least outwardly, has remained Orthodox. But the other two sisters have totally left Orthodoxy and, for all appearances, have left Judaism.
What is certain is that Dassi Erlich turned her back on G-d. She left the Sukka and kicked it on the way out.
The first question is, why?
The simple answer is that Dassi thinks that G-d turned His back on Dassi first.
Did He really?
We’ll get to this later, but it doesn’t really matter. As long as this is what Dassi thinks, then this is what her excuse is.
I will postulate that Dassi Erlich was born a good person. All Jewish people are born as good people. And, based on her narrative up to page 260, she obviously was handed a raw deal. It is not very common that people from observant Jewish families go through such a harrowing upbringing. Why did it happen to her?
With this, we arrive at the great existential question that has been asked through the ages, from Iyov, to Moshe Rabeinu to Yirmiyahu HaNavi:
Why do bad things happen to good people?
I recall that a renowned conservative “rabbi” named Harold Kushner who wrote a very well-received book titled “When Bad Things Happen to Good People”. He wrote it because one of his children was stricken with a very rare disease resulting in a very early demise (R”L) and papa “Rabbi” Kushner tried to make sense out of it all. How could a merciful G-d do such a thing?
Kushner’s very un-Orthodox conclusion was that his god is as such: “God” is benevolent but not all-powerful to prevent evil.
In other words, his god is finite. He’s good to us but no match for Satan.
What this says is that “Rabbi” Kushner is a total heretic – kofer b’ikar.
As I wrote in the aforementioned post, Rambam tells us the 13 principles of faith. Many non-observant Jews at least hold of the first four or six. But let’s check out principle numero uno:
I believe with complete faith that the Creator, blessed be His name, is the Creator and Guide of all the created beings, and that He alone has made, does make, and will make/do all things (i.e., enact or cause all events).
This means that our G-d not only created all that exists, but that he is behind every single event that takes place whether it looks “G-d-like” or not. This is the Torah principle of אין עוד מלבדו - HKBH is in charge of everything.
There is nothing finite about our G-d. But this is not “Rabbi” Kushner’s god. He worships a different god. Kushner cannot even get past principle of faith number one on the list!
This is beyond belief!
Now, if the Conservative movement wants to be taken seriously at any level, they would have had to throw this Kushner heretic out on his head. But they didn’t. As such, I can only conclude that the entire Conservative movement does not believe in the true G-d as described by Rambam and has no chelek b’Elohei Yisrael.
So, what is the Orthodox answer to the question of “Why do bad things happen to good people”?
The answer is that there is no such thing as a “bad thing”. “Things” may look bad and be distressing, painful and even fatal (cha”v), but they are never really bad. They happen in order to help us or to test us. In all cases, it is to make us better people.
And what about the totally faultless young people, babies and fetuses et al, who are mercilessly stricken?
Let me tell over an allegorical story that I heard from a Rav in his drasha in shul.
There was a very narcissistic observant man who thought he was G-d’s gift to the world. He would constantly degrade and shame other people and even hit them. Eventually, he completed his allotted Earthly time and was ushered upstairs for judgement. Since he had been devoutly observant, he had many merits for performing countless mitzvos, even with hidurim. Nevertheless, his poor midos and disdain for others made it impossible for him to be admitted to Gan Eden.
Therefore, he was given the option to come back to Earth for another go and to improve his midos. It was the best deal for him but he was afraid that he may wind up being the same narcissist and will make things worse rather than better. So, he begged the Heavenly court to make him a destitute poor man begging for sustenance with nothing to be proud of.
This request was granted.
Then he said that he is still afraid he may get into fights and hurt other people so he wants to make sure he only has one arm so he won’t be able to hurt anybody. The Heavenly court said this is too much. Sorry, Charlie, but you get two normal arms just like everybody else. Why should you be a privileged character?
But he insisted and pleaded to only have one arm and this turned into a big debate in the Heavenly court. Finally, HKBH stepped in and said to grant him this request as well.
And so it was. This fellow was born anew to a poor family and, in his childhood, lost one of his arms. Then he had no luck in school or livelihood and he wound up sitting on street corners humbly begging for money.
And the moral of the story?
If you ever see a one-armed beggar sitting on a street corner, you should give him a shekel, but you don’t need to feel sorry for him. He may be in a better place than you are and, by taking your shekel, he may be doing you a bigger favor than you are doing for him.
Basically, this brings us to the concepts of gilgulim (reincarnation) and tikkun hanefesh. We will never know in our lifetime how our hardships are helping us and what is accomplished when people come to this world and last only a short time and depart after a bout of indescribable suffering. But there is purpose to it.
Sure, we are obligated to help people who are suffering and to daven for them. This is our tikkun. But it is not for us to question why they are suffering or even to look at their suffering as a true tragedy. There is always something gained. Usually, something very valuable.
This even applies to all those murdered in the Holocaust, no matter what age, and to those murdered, raped and kidnapped on October 7. Every “victim” was Hand chosen for this treatment and it is to their ultimate benefit – if those who are still alive take it the right direction.
So, we return to Dassi Erlich. She was born into a dysfunctional and abusive family through no choice of her own. She had no say in the matter, or did she?
I mentioned in some previous posts that I have listened to many of the lectures from Rav Alon Anava. In one of his near-death experience (NDE) lectures (I don’t recall which one), he mentioned that when a new Jewish neshama comes into the world, he or she can choose which family to be born into from a given assortment of options. In other words, a child who is brought into any family, rich or poor, healthy or ill, stable or unstable, has actually chosen that family as the best option to accomplish his or her tafkid (Earthly purpose).
I was astonished when I heard that, but I was totally blown away when I heard the exact same thing from a different non-Orthodox Jewish woman named Elizabeth Krohn who was literally struck by lightning and experienced her own NDE. She says it right here at 08:40:
[Note - the video may not display in the email version. You can access it HERE.]
She also mentions at the very end (about 20:00) that our journey to Earth in general is something we agreed to do. I have heard this concept from other sources, as well. This is that before we are born, we are shown what our mission is, what are challenges will be and we all agree to take it on.
We really shouldn’t be influenced by NDEs (לא בשמים היא) but, if this is the case, then it means that Dassi and all her siblings actually chose this couple to be their parents. And she agreed to her ordeals including what transpired with Mrs. Leifer. She agreed to it all! Why would anybody in their right mind do this?
The obvious answer is that it is good for them. It will give them the tools to accomplish what they need to accomplish. And all the pain and suffering will serve both as a tikkun and as a test.
Perhaps, in a previous life, Dassi was very disrespectful to her parents, so, in this life, she is intentionally placed in a family setting where she is forced to respect her parents whether she likes it or not. This would be a proper tikkun for her past transgressions. She will gain from this immensely.
But this is the world of free choice. A test can be passed, and it can be failed. And a tikkun can be blown. Like coming there in the first place, it’s their choice.
By the way. Dassi Erlich is not the only such public figure I have come across who abandoned a religious upbringing and “kicked the sukka”. Before I ever knew of Dassi Erlich I came across Shalom Auslander.
Shalom Auslander was born to a very Orthodox family in Monsey and attended Yeshiva Spring Valley. He had an upbringing very similar to Dassi’s except that his father was the narcissistic abusive one and his mother was the codependent enabler. He found x-rated material in his parents’ room and this led him to a very natural addiction. Clearly, he was having a tough time in the sukka.
In any case, he went way off the derech. He left the sukka. And he also kicked it on the way out but in a different way. Unlike Dassi, he didn’t falsely demonize the community he came from (motzi-shem-rah). He just made fun of them (leitzanus).
As a writer and humorist, he didn’t go quietly. He wrote all about it for everybody to see. He first wrote a book of short stories which he titled Beware of G-d (no dash in his version). I haven’t read it. He then wrote a personal memoir which he titled Foreskin’s Lament. I did read that book. (The book is definitely rated R at best, with lots of foul language, so I cannot recommend it for a Torah Jew.)
The fascinating thing is that, although he openly abandoned G-d, he cannot relinquish his belief in G-d. The fact that this world has a supreme Creator is too obvious to ignore. He is way too intelligent to think otherwise. He cannot reject at least the first four of the 13 principles. And, because of this, he is having a miserable time rejecting the other nine.
He expressed this in a very humorous but irreverent promotional video on his book from 2008. You can see it here:
[Note - the video may not display in the email version. You can access it HERE.]
At the very end of the video, he displays the following in text: “I believe in G-d…It’s been a real problem for me.”
If you cannot see the video, here is a blurb about his book from the Amazon page:
Shalom Auslander was raised with a terrified respect for G-d. Even as he grew up and was estranged from his community, his religion and its traditions, he could not find the path to a life where he didn’t struggle daily with the fear of God’s formidable wrath. Foreskin’s Lament reveals Auslander’s “painfully, cripplingly, incurably, miserably religious” youth in a strict, socially isolated Orthodox Jewish community, and recounts his rebellion and efforts to make a new life apart from it. His combination of unrelenting humor and anger renders a rich and fascinating portrait of a man grappling with his faith and family.
What is a “terrified respect for G-d”? Let me explain.
We all have a god-like reverence for our parents. When we try to characterize G-d in our minds, the natural thing is to model our Father in Heaven after our actual real-life fathers. When our fathers are loving and benevolent and are tempered in their discipline and show unconditional love and give us a stable home, good food and nice things (and maybe a generous allowance), we can appreciate them, grow close to them, and grieve when they depart us. Accordingly, it is not hard for us to imagine our Heavenly Father as an enhanced version of this. And we can have a relationship to HKBH. Ahava and Yirah.
But when the god-like model of a real-life father is a narcissistic and abusive father and a codependent mother, as was the fortune of Shalom Ausdlander, such a relationship with G-d cannot come about. When one has a draconian and terrifying perception of their parents, one will naturally develop a draconian and terrifying perception of G-d. There will be no Ahavas Hashem and ultimately there will be no Yiras Hashem.
Like Dassi, Mr. Auslander also chose his family and chose his path.
So, where is Dassi now in terms of Emunah?
Definitely not where she could be and where she should be.
How far has she strayed?
For the moment, she isn’t sure. Here is what she told in a Haaretz interview from Feb. 4, 2024:
Having emerged from the restrictions of Adass and the abuses of her home and school, she is uncertain now of her attitude towards Judaism and the Jewish community. "I'm still working it out. It's something I fought against for a long time. I rebelled against it, then ignored it, then didn't have the space to think about.
"I see myself as secular. I have an appreciation for some parts of Judaism. I see myself as a Jewish woman. I do participate in certain religious holidays because sometimes that's when my family will come together. We'll get together for Seder, at Pesach. Occasionally my siblings and I will make a Friday night meal together. It's not something we do regularly.
"What do I believe in and what makes or doesn't make sense to me? That's something I'm still discovering."
I find this hard to believe.
The article inquires how Dassi feels about “Judaism and the Jewish community” as if they are nothing more than ideological concepts. It’s more than this. “Judaism” is the Word of G-d and “the Jewish community” are G-d’s faithful. So the real question is “What is her attitude towards G-d?” She can’t be in the course of “discovering” her “attitude to Judaism” or the community if she is not trying to discover the essence of G-d.
ישראל ואורייתא וקודשא בריך הוא, חד הוא.
From Dassi’s faithless (G-d forsaken) book, it is clear that she is not searching for G-d. And one who doesn’t search for G-d will never find Him. Only an explorer discovers. Dassi is not really exploring.
Let’s take one final look at the toxic passage that Dassi wrote on page 300 of her unbelief-able book:
But no matter where I turned, I couldn’t escape the looming presence of the court or the relentless attacks from Malka Leifer’s supporters…I sought support from Shana Aaronson of Jewish Community Watch to deal with it. Shana was unwavering and helped… A court in Israel instructed that the defamatory posts be removed and at the time they were, but since then more posts have been made.
Malka Leifer’s supporters? Who are they?
I mentioned in previous posts that nobody supported Malka Leifer’s alleged actions, but we stood up for G-d’s definition of “justice”. What this means is that the “supporters” were (are?) all G-d’s messengers trying to steer these girls in the right direction. It’s not us. It’s HKBH talking. And He has lots of messengers.
So, what Dassi is really saying is that “But no matter where I turned, I couldn’t escape the looming presence of”…G-d. As Shalom Auslander quoted in his promotional video (1:40), “G-d is here, G-d is there, G-d is truly everywhere.”
Yep, she can seek support from Shana Aaronson who can petition the court to unlawfully censor G-d’s messages to her, but if He wants to communicate to her, then “more posts will be made”. And if He doesn’t want to communicate, it’s even worse.
Technically, it’s still not too late. But I fear that the price of doing teshuva is more than she can afford. It would mean renouncing all that she worked for since 2011. It would mean deleting her Facebook page and recalling her slanderous book. And it would mean making amends to quite a few people and trying to fix a mountain of damage. Mesira and malshinus are very hard sins to atone for. Dassi was warned, but she burned her bridges behind her.
ואל יבטיחך יצרך שהשאול בית מנוס לך, שעל כרחך אתה נוצר, [ועל כרחך אתה נולד], ועל כרחך אתה חי, ועל כרחך אתה מת, ועל כרחך אתה עתיד ליתן דין וחשבון לפני מלך מלכי המלכים הקדוש ברוך הוא.
I don’t envy “Rabbi” Kushner or Shalom Auslander or Dassi Erlich. They made their choices before and during their lives.
It may be hard to believe in G-d. But it’s even harder not to.
Yechezkel now does private Counseling/Coaching for all matters with an emphasis on Marriage (Couples)/Pre-marriage and Shalom Bayis (men or couples only) based on the One Aboveand Seven Below ideology.
Confidentiality assured.
If you live in the Jerusalem area and would like to arrange a meeting, you may email me at: 1a7b.yiutz@gmail.com(note that email may compromise identity). If you have Skype, you can also Skype me at: yiutz.1a7b and leave a message.
You need not leave your real name or any personal information besides how to contact you.
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