Maaseh Rav

 

It is erev Yom Kippur and I have come to clear up a gross misconception.

Every year at this time, we are reminded again and again about the fundamental rules of doing teshuva based on the last Mishna in Masechet Yoma. And we hear that Yom Kippur only atones for the sins between ourselves and HKBH. The sins between us and our fellow man are not atoned unless we placate the injured party. There are those who want to say that if one has not straightened out his issues with his fellow man, Yom Kippur doesn’t even work for sins between man and G-d.

Quite discomforting, don’t you think?

And so, on erev Yom Kippur we are all in a frenzy calling up our parents and in-laws and chavrusas and spouses and coworkers and whoever else and wishing them a last minute “G’mar Chasima Tova” and glibly adding that “In case I have done anything to you that I should not have, please be moichel me.” Whereupon we smugly wait for the confirmation and reciprocate in kind.

 

That’ll do it. My teshuva is complete.

There is only one problem with all of this. The importance of asking mechila is not meant for friends and relatives – ohavim. It is meant to be done with enemies and rivals – sonim and mechablim.

This is very rarely done. It is definitely not as simple as it looks.

Why is it so rare for enemies to make up?

This is going to surprise you.

The problem does not lie with the offenders. The problem lies with the offendeds!

Let’s look at the gemara in Yoma 87a:

רב הוה ליה מילתא בהדי ההוא טבחא לא אתא לקמיה במעלי יומא דכפורי אמר איהו איזיל אנא לפיוסי ליה פגע ביה רב הונא אמר ליה להיכא קא אזיל מר אמר ליה לפיוסי לפלניא אמר אזיל אבא למיקטל נפשא 

Rav had a spat with a certain butcher ( i.e., the butcher offended Rav – Rashi). He (the butcher) did not approach Rav on erev Yom Kippur. Said Rav to himself, “Let me go and placate.” On the way he met up with Rav Huna. Rav Huna asked him, “Where are you going to?” Rav answered to placate this fellow. Rav Huna responded, “Abba (Rav) is setting out to kill a person.”

The story continues that the butcher was not very receptive to Rav and that it did not end well for the butcher. (It ended for the butcher, but not very well.) The butcher exclaimed, “Go away, I have no issue with you.”

This is a very confusing story. The tone indicates that Rav was the injured party and expected the butcher to initiate a reconciliation. When this didn’t happen, Rav went personally to the butcher and we are told that his goal is to placate the butcher. 

Was this an act of midas chasiddus (chivalry), or did Rav carry an obligation? Why did Rav say he is out to placate the butcher if he is the injured party?

Far be it from me to have a disparaging view on Rav, the great Tana u’Palig, but I would like to suggest the possibility Rav was not totally blameless in this fiasco. As they say, it takes two to tango. The butcher seemed to have his own grievance and didn’t think he owed any apology to Rav.  Perhaps Rav was humble enough to assume that maybe the butcher has a legitimate gripe, and he is no less responsible to initiate a reconciliation as the butcher is to him. (See this post about apologies.)

Hence, Rav took the initiative to extend the olive branch to the butcher. Of course, the butcher should have accepted the gesture and cut his losses. Instead, he cut his own throat. Poor choice.

But this does indeed open up a Pandora’s box. Whose responsibility is it to initiate the act of reconciliation? Is the party who thinks he is the injured party free to sit back and tell himself, “This guy offended me and it’s his business to approach me and ask mechila. If he doesn’t, it’s his problem. His Yom Kippur will go to waste, not mine.”?

I don’t think so. I think it is the job of the injured party to contact the offender and to let him know that he expects to be placated. 

Where do I get this from?

The laws of nezikim – damages. 

When party A wrongs party B, whether it is personal or financial, party B feels that he was damaged or injured. Hence the term “injured party”. An injury is a damage. 

If somebody is cheating me out of money, this is financial damage. If someone embarrassed me or slandered me, it is social damage. When the circumstances are clear-cut, I can sue the offending party for the damages. This is why we have Batei Din and Choshen Mishpat.

So, what are the rules in Choshen Mishpat about being damaged? Says the gemara in Bava Kama (46b):

א"ר שמואל בר נחמני מניין להמוציא מחבירו עליו הראיה שנאמר (שמות כד, יד) מי בעל דברים יגש אליהם יגיש ראיה אליהם. מתקיף לה רב אשי הא למה לי קרא סברא הוא דכאיב ליה כאיבא אזיל לבי אסיא 

Says Rav Shmuel bar Nachmeni: From where do we know that if one wants to collect from another, he must bring proof (this includes initiating the claim)? For it states: He who is a litigant should approach them [the substitute judges]. Also to mean, He who is a litigant must present his proofs to them.

Rashi tells us: Litigant – Plaintiff. The gemara continues:

Rav Ashi challenges: Why do we need a verse for this? This is self-evident. One who is in pain (i.e., injured) must go to a doctor.

The “doctor” is a simile for a judge. The gemara is telling us that the claimant is responsible for filing the case in Beis Din to resolve it if it comes to this. Likewise, he carries the burden of proof. This is so elementary that we don’t even need a Torah verse for this. And it is just as elementary that even before this point, the claimant needs to take his grievance to the offending party. If he doesn’t, how should the defendant even know that he has a grievance?

It is possible that the defendant is not even aware that there was any damage inflicted in whatever encounter they may have had. He may also underrate it’s significance. He may also assume that the plaintiff does not feel damaged or is prepared to waive the damage. 

Even on the most unequivocal obligation, such as a loan, the obligation to pay without being solicited is only a mitzva. No question, the borrower is obligated by mitzvah to return the money at the appointed time, but if he doesn’t, and the lender doesn’t claim him at least once, he can justify that maybe the lender waived to loan.

More so, when the “debt” is in question or the amount is under dispute, this is precisely the lesson of the gemara in Bava Kama 46b. It is the responsibility of the toveah – claimant – to approach the defendant and stake his claim. If the defendant concedes, all is well, or else they can try to work it out between them or, when all else fails, they can enlist the opinions of dayanim. 

But the key here is that the initial motion must be taken by the claimant. Of course, unlike the butcher in the story with Rav, the defendant needs to cooperate. But he can sit at home and enjoy life until the day the toveah rings his bell.

The “debt” of an apology or request for mechila is just like any other debt. If he knows for certain that he is indebted to the “claimant”, he is obligated to settle it up or, at least, to approach the claimant and ask him if he still demands payment – i.e., an apology or request for mechila. And he would be very wise to pay up.

But when the situation is not so clear-cut, like when both sides have grievances against each other, or one or both parties do not think the other’s grievance is legitimate, it is the responsibility of he who wants to “get paid” to justify his claim. Moreover, it is quite likely that the offending party is not even aware of the grievance, may have forgotten all about it, may think it is no big deal, or that the offended party has forgotten or forgiven it already. 

The point is that if the expected apology is not forthcoming, the one who feels he was offended has a responsibility to demand it and to clear the air. If he doesn’t do it, he is the “bad guy”, not the "offensive" person he has a gripe with.  

We are taught that the prohibition of לא תשנא אחיך בלבבך – do not hate your brother in your heart – means one may not bear a grudge, even if justified, and to neglect to tell the subject that you hold a grudge against him. If you bear a grudge, you must inform him and set the stage for the two of you to reconcile, just like we learn from Rav.

And so, surprisingly enough, anybody who holds a grudge against a person and thinks that it’s that person’s job to set it right but doesn’t claim his “debt”, and then goes into Yom Kippur smug that he is in the clear and the other fellow is going to have a wasted Yom Kippur, is in for a painful surprise.

Most of us have our very short list of people, usually friends and relatives, that we don’t mind asking mechila from and one or two cases where we really need that mechila. And these are the people we contact.

But we have it all wrong. And we are contacting the wrong people.

We all need to have a list, as long as it needs to be, of people that wronged us, that we want them to ask mechila from us and we need to get busy on the phone or email or WhatsApp and contact every single one of these people and let them know that there’s a score to settle. If we don’t, our own Yom Kippur will not be complete.

So, instead of glibly asking mechila from anybody (everybody?), I want to ask anybody who really thinks that I need to ask mechila to contact me and let me know (with all the details).

G’mar Chasima Tova to one and all.

Hidden Thoughts of Teshuva

As Yom Kippur approaches, I thought to share some very inspiring insights from Niflaos MiTorasecha from Rav Mordechai Aronovsky. This is the sefer that reveals words hidden in Tanach in either roshei teivos or sofei teivos sequences and explains their significance.

צום – Fast

The word צום does not appear in a roshei teivos sequence anywhere in the Torah. It does appear about ten times as a sofei teivos sequence. Four of those are a phrase that is repeated four times throughout the Torah (although none of these are in the Yom Kippur service in Acharei Mos):

ורחצ בשרו במים

Rabbi Aronovsky writes that this indicates that the Fast of Yom Kippur requires the Kohen Gadol to immerse four times. He comments that although the Mishna says he must be tovel five times, the first one of these is the standard tevila he must do on any day that he wants to do avoda and is not unique to Yom Kippur.

Another three occurrences coincide with this phrase that appears three times:

על הארצ תשפכנו כמים

He says that this is a remez that on the fast day of Yom Kippur one must pour out his heart like water like the pasuk says in Eicha: שפכי כמים לבך נוכח פני ה'

The eighth occurrence can be found in this pasuk:

ויהושע בן נון וכלב בן יפונה מן התרים את הארצ קרעו בגדיהם

He says this is an indication of the procedure to tear one’s garments as a part of the teshuva process together with his fast. He goes on to support this with this pasuk in Melachim 1 (21, 27):

ויהי כשמוע אחאב את הדברים האלה, ויקרע בגדיו וישם שק על בשרו ויצום.

We all know that the megillah also mentions wearing sackcloth as part of a fast for teshuva although it does not mention tearing one’s clothes.

He notes two other occurrences. Although he doesn’t comment on them as having a connection to Yom Kippur, they are both very inspiring and show that these occurrences are not random.

One of them is the pasuk in Parshat Noach that we find quoted in our machzorim as the first pasuk in Seder Zichronos on the musaf for Rosh Hashannah (Breishis 8:1):

ויזכור א-לקים את נח...ויעבר א-לקים רוח על הארצ וישכו המים.

Perhaps Noach also prayed and fasted while he was on the teivah and this hastened the end of his ordeal.

The last one does not have much to do with teshuva but it has a different fascinating “coincidence”. This deals with the prohibition to eat non-kosher fish and shrimp and lobsters. Here is the pasuk (Vayikra 11:11):

ושקצ תהיו לכם, מבשרם לא תאכלו ואת נבלתם תשקצו.

Here you have the word צום in code while you have the term לא תאכלו in the open text. Rav Aronovsky says that there is always some hidden meaning when an encoded word (צום) is identical or strongly relates to the open text (לא תאכלו) in the same pasuk although he makes no suggestions here.  

טבל – Immersed

We mentioned earlier that the צום of Yom Kippur comes together with the mitzvah to immerse, did we not? Well, let’s look at word טבל. The letter “tes” (ט) is a very rare letter and the word טבל occurs as a roshei teivos sequence only two places in all of Tanach. One is found in Eicha 1:9:

טומאתה בשוליה לא זכרה אחריתה.

Its tumah is in its lowest point. They do not remember (consider) the end result.

Rav Aronovsky explains that the hidden message here is that the teshuvah and tevilah (purification) of the generation of the churban is not accepted because the tumah remains in their depths – they have not cast away the “sheretz” that is defiling them.

The other occurrence (more optimistic) is here (Tehillim 51:12):

לב טהור ברא לי א-לקים

When one does indeed cast away the sheretz and immerses himself, he becomes like a new briah.

חיים – Life

Hard to believe that there is not a single roshei teivos sequence of חיים in all of Tanach! There are three sofei teivos occurrences two of which are in the Torah.

One is in reference to the mizbeach hanechoshes in Shmos 27:6:

ועשית בדים למזבח בדי עצי שיטים וצפית אותם נחושת.

We know that there is a Mishna in Midos 3:4 which says that the mizbeach haolah which will eventully be made from stones cannot be fashioned with any kind of an iron blade. This is because “iron shortens the life of a person and the mizbeach is meant to extend the life of a person”.

The second occurrence is more connected to Yom Kippur. Vayikra 16:5:

ומאת בני ישראל יקח שני שעירי עזים לחטאת ואיל אחד לעולה.

The basic message is self-explanatory. The avoda of Yom Kippur and the sacrifice of the two goats is a preservative of life for the chosen people. But if we extend the code sequence we see something else:

 ומאת בני ישראל יקח שני שעירי עזים לחטאת ואיל אחד לעולה.

It says: לחיים תלד

Says Rav Aronovsky that the avoda of Yom Kippur is meant to bestow many benefits. These are spelled out in the special Yehi Ratzon prayer that the Kohen Gadol says as he exits the Kodesh HaKedashim as is printed in all of our machzorim. Among them is this:

שנה שלא תפיל אשה את פרי בטנה.         A year in which no woman should miscarry…

So one of the benefits that we hope to achieve with our avoda is protection from miscarriage. This benefit seems to be encoded in our pasuk in the words לחיים תלד.

סדום – Sodom

There is one roshei teivos sequence of the word סדום in all of Tanach. There is no sofei teivos sequence whatsoever. The sole sequence is also found in the avoda of Yom Kippur in this pasuk (Vayikra 16:12):

ולקח מלא המחתה גחלי אש... ומלא חפניו קטרת סמים דקה והביא םבית לפרכת.

Rav Aronovsky has a lengthy explanation on this one but, to summarize briefly, he says the following. There are five types of damage that occur due to the wrath of HKBH which is generally called חרון אף – the wrath of His “nose”. These are: עשן, אש, חמה, אף, משחית. Each of the five kingdoms of Sodom corresponded to one of these damages. Thus it says in Parshat Nitzavim:

כמהפכת סדום ועמורה אשר הפך ה' באפו ובחמתו

Certainly, when we anger HKBH, we also instigate the damages that come from this “wrath of the nose”. Hence HKBH instructs us to bring the ketores ­– a rayach nichoah, a pacifying scent – into the Kodesh Kedashim on Yom Kippur to assuage the anger of HKBH.

לב עצוב – A Despondent Heart

My final entry for this essay is the word עצוב. This also only occurs one time in Tanach in aroshei teivos sequence and not at all in a sofei teivos. This also appears in the avoda of Yom Kippur in this pasuk (Vayikra 16:17):

וכל אדם לא יהיה באהל מועד בבאו לכפר בקדש עד צאתו וכפר בעדו ובעד ביתו ובעד כל קהל ישראל.

Throughout his magnificent work, Rav Aronovsky looks at the pasuk as if the encoded sequence is the open text of the pasuk. In this case, the pasuk would then read:

וכל אדם לא יהיה באהל מועד בל"ב עצו"ב.

No man may be in the vicinity of the Tent of Gathering (the Mishkan) with a despondent heart. In short, nobody is permitted to be despondent on Yom Kippur!

These are the encoded messages that we find in the Torah. Hat tip to Rav Mordechai Aronovsky and his sefer, Niflaos MiTorasecha. I only want to add another code that is not divinely referenced in the Torah, but fascinating just the same.

My youngest brother is a paramedic for the local Hatzala of a sizable “out of town” community. He always talks about the importance of C.P.R. and why it is essential for everyone to be skilled in it. A few days ago, he posted the following on his Facebook page:

A new perspective on the importance of KNOWING CPR:

If you have ever had a patient in cardiac arrest, then you know the only chance of survival is Quality CPR. As we approach the New Year we must remember to awaken our souls and bring LIFE back into our LIVES (now more than ever in these troubled times).

On Yom Kippur, we 'bang' on the left side of our chest (over our heart). We use our closed fist (approx size of our heart). We go at a steady beat against our heart.

Heart/Lev= Lamed Beis= 30:2 - As if we are doing CPR on ourselves c"v.

Make those 'compressions' QUALITY ones; to secure LIFE for yourself, not just to get pulses back.

But there is more. Before a person goes into cardiac arrest, there is a time when they are sick; and if not treated, can get worse to very sick c"v. If they get treatment early enough, they won't need to be resuscitated.

That time is now - Elul and Rosh Hashanah.
We are at the moments before we would need CPR on ourselves. We have the tools to secure LIFE for ourselves, families, and loved ones.

Please utilize the time NOW. Secure the 'treatment' (Tefillah) and grab the 'cure', before it's c"v too late.

C = CHARITY – צדקה
P = PRAYER – תפילה
R = REPENTANCE– תשובה  

A gut gerbencht year filled with Nachas and Simcha for:

C = Children (family) – בני
P = Parnassa (work) – מזוני
R = Refuah (health) – חיי

Written by a Hatzalah Paramedic, just a shliach of Hashem trying to help others.

May we all have a gmar chasima tova, arichas yamim and בני חיי ומזוני!

The Most Terrible Crime a Human Being Can Commit

What do we have to atone for more than anything else?

(If you received this post by email and cannot see this video, it can be found at my main blog site.)

אדם דואג על איבוד דמיו ואינו דואג על איבוד ימיו
דמיו אינם עוזרים וימיו אינם חוזרים

גמר חתימה טובה

V'Chol Maasecha BaSefer Nichtavim: Big Brother is Watching...What I Eat

Most of us Jews are aware of the fact that the High Holy-Days - Rosh HaShannah to Yom Kippur and on to Hoshanna Rabba - are designated for doing teshuva. Even non-observant Jews like Sandy Koufax knew that (kinda, sorta).

The more reverent among us know that there are other periods within the year that have special siginficance for teshuva. These would be the three weeks of mourning when we grieve the destruction of the Beis HaMikdash and Sefiras HaOmer when we mourn the tragic deaths of the 24,000 students of Rabi Akiva. We associate these calamities to our shortcomings in interpersonal relationships, bein adam l'chaveiro - lashon hara, sinas chinam, zilzul chaveirim and chachamim - and resolve to work on them.

But for chareidim who actually live up to the title, and most notably the Chassidim, we are aware of another period. This is the period between the 10th of Teves and the beginning of Adar that we call the period of Shovavim - שובבים. This is now!

Shovavim stands for the six Torah portions that we are about to read:

שמות - וארא - בא - בשלח - יתרו - משפטים >> שובבי"ם

And it is based on the well known pasuk (Yirmiyahu 3:22):　
　
שׁוּבוּ בָּנִים שׁוֹבָבִים אֶרְפָּה מְשׁוּבֹתֵיכֶם

Return (repent) you rebellious sons (shovavim), so that I may be healed from your repentance...

Shovavim is for a more personal level of Teshuva. It is more for rectifying the bein adam l'makom or, even more so, for bein adam l'atzmo, rectifying the damage that one has done to himself through his misdeeds.

In today's day and age, doing sins is easier than ever due to our affluence and advanced technology. Nevertheless, doing teshuva is also easier than ever due to our affluence and advanced technology.

How so?

Because today's technology helps us comprehend in physical terms that which 150 years ago was metaphysical and could only be envisaged and relegated to faith:

Big Daddy (HKBH) is Watching Us!

Of course, we have no clue as to what really goes on Upstairs (unless we see those clips about seances and clinical death) but Ravi Akiba clues us in that when the pasuk tells us:

את ה' אלוקיך תירא - the superfluous word, את , is telling us: את לרבות אחיך הגדול

Watch out for Big Brother!

We can guess what Big Daddy can do by knowing what Big Brother can do! And Big Brother can do a lot!

(Actually it is לרבות תלמידי חכמים and I am mixing 2 distinct chazals, but humor me on this one).

Now, if I tell you that Big Brother knows everything about us, the response may be: So, what else is new? or Where have I been?

Privacy issues have been in the headlines for decades. Even before today's high-tech era, there were issues of wire-tapping and disclosure of financial records. Of course, over the past few decades, things have mushroomed as we deal with digital recording, surveillance cameras (which seem to be cropping up in the most intimate of places), computer spyware that tracks your every keystroke, sophisticated satellite images (Google Earth), and we see tabloid reports of microscopic computer chips that can be embedded in everything a person touches, and then into the persons themselves.

Big Brother can know more about us than we can!

And all this should give us an idea of what goes on in the ethereal world! The world of which we are told (2000 years ago in Pirkei Avot 2:1): V'chol maasecha basefer nichtavim. And it should be enough to send us to the Kosel for 40 consecutive days of fasting and prayer - under the watchful eye of the Aish HaTorah 24-Hour webcam and untold other security appparatus!

Now, I am quite aware of all of this. And, like most of us, I have come to terms with it and have learned to conveniently "forget" the fact that Big Brother (Y"Sh) - and Big Daddy (B"H) - is watching every twitch. Yet, something happened this week as the period of Shovavim is ushered in that told me that there is no place to run.

It has reached the makolet!

Over the past 12+ years that we have lived in our little corner of Har Nof, we were blessed to be located in a spot with three makolets (small groceries) within comfortable walking distance. Of course, the one directly across the street is the most convenient - as well as the most overpriced - and so, it became the only one of the three in which I went so far as to maintain a charge account.

For the past 12 years the charge account was opened and handled exactly the way it was for the 12 years that preceeded it and the 12 years before that and before that and before that all the way back to the sugya of chenvani al pinkaso. I present a post-dated check and the grocer (Nissim) writes the amount onto a personalized index card. Every time we purchase, the items are totalled and the total amount is written into the next line in the card. When the money runs out, we present a new check. When the card runs out, the balance is transferred to a brand new card and the old one is destroyed. Thus, in due time, there is no trace of my previous card or of my previous money. Nobody knows what we bought or what we spent (nor which kid actually signed for and if he/she was really from my family or not) and nobody particularly cared. We have fulfilled mitzvas biur!

What a tradition!

Well, about a month and a half ago tragedy struck! After 25 years, Nissim (who has been 28 years old all this time) lost his lease (it was written on the back of an index card). The property was turned over to another experienced makoletan who until now ran a different makolet down the hill. It seems that he lost his lease as well since his rent was hiked and the only entity willing to pay the price is a bank. Now, it may be nice to finally have a bank in Har Nof, but it would have been much more practical ten years ago when there was some money in the neghborhood.

In any case, we were out of a makolet for six weeks while they renovated the facility and manged to find twice as much space in the same area (only in Israel...). I didn't have any charge accounts in the other 2 makolets and there was no point in opening one up for the 2 to 3 weeks that became six and I was at a total loss. How would I feed my family?

Presently, somebody saved my skin by explaining to me that there is such a thing as paper notes called bills and little metal disks that are called coins and that these items together are called cash and these makolets are very kind and they will allow me to by the basic necessities for these bits of cash and I didn't need post dated checks or palstic cards or anything!

What a country!

Finally, after six weeks of purgatory, the new makolet (now called "Supermarket") opend up across the street. I ran to make an accout and yearned to be from the assara rishonim.

I was number 11 (right before the Stillermans).

I approached with my checkbook ready to see my family name written onto a glossy white index card when I was jolted by a thunderbolt.

"We don't use index cards."

What?

"Just swipe your credit card for the amount of credit you want and we put your name in the computer as customer number 11. Now whenever you buy, just tell us '11' and the computer will register the purchase."

Okay. Let's try it. I'll buy some bread and milk and a few other items.

Sure enough, I bought the bread and milk and other items and the new grocer (Avi) scanned it in. I tell him the magic number: "11". He pokes a few boxes on his touchscreen and - voila - out from the register rolls a tape of laser paper that tells me, and him, and anybody who is interested exactly what was bought, who bought it (Hirshman, customer #11), and when it was bought - date, hours, minutes and seconds!

And all this information is in my hand...and it is in his computer system. And as long as it is not deleted from his computer system, anybody who is interested (no pushing, please) can find out exactly what the Hirshman family has been eating, how much of it we ate, when we ate it, and how much it cost!

V'chol maasecha basefer nichtavim!

I think it would do my blood pressure wonders to take a pleasant stroll to one of those old fashioned not-as-close makolets.

And pay cash!