Author’s note – This is more of an Ellul post than a chol hamoed post. I am aware that Ellul 5779 is behind us and Parshat Ki Tavo was a few weeks ago. We are now in the midst of our zman simchasenu. But recent personal events have made this post necessary and now is when I have time to write. Can’t put this off until next Ellul!
ארור מכה רעהו בסתר – פירש"י: על לשון הרע הוא אומר.
Cursed is he who smites his fellow in secret (Devarim 27:24) – This is referring to Lashon Hara (Rashi)
I opened this blog in July 2008, eleven years and 358 posts ago. Spiritually, a blog can be a very risky venture and I acknowledged it in my very first post when I wrote:
You may ask - how can one keep his balance on a blog without transgressing 14 assehs and 17 lahvim?
I'll tell you, it isn't easy!
Lashon Hara is a very serious issue. And I take it (or, perhaps give it) very seriously. What is my approach?
I have two mentors. One is the Chofetz Chaim. I will refer to his rules a bit later. The second is the Tanna Rabi Yosi ben Chalafta. Here is what he says (T.B. Shabbos 118b and Arachin 15b):
אמר רבי יוסי, מימי לא אמרתי דבר וחזרתי לאחורי
Rabi Yosi proclaimed, never in my life did I say any remark and turned backward…
What does Rabi Yosi mean “turned backward”?
Without checking any commentaries, it’s a sure bet that most people will understand the term חזרתי לאחורי (turn backward) to mean he never retracted anything he ever said. It means everything he ever said was measured and thought out and did not cross any lines, so he never had to eat his words and retract.
So, let’s go with this meaning and see how I have been doing on my blog.
I have to admit, I am not batting 1.000 but I am pretty close. I recall retracting a complete blog post which was totally inappropriate sometime in the blog’s very first year, but I don’t think I have ever retracted a complete post since. Of course, I constantly do revisions on lines or phrases to correct errors and improve comprehension and sometimes to reduce the tone or cynicism. Very often I do this on my own and sometimes people have approached me with requests or suggestions for modifications. When it is warranted and does not disrupt the flow of the text, I do my best to comply. I try to be friendly to friendly people.
But it really very rarely happens. So, including that one post in 2008 (1 in 358), I figure I’m batting around 0.950.
I do wish I had more feedback. I welcome comments, questions, criticisms and complaints. This is why I put my 1A7B email address in my book (twice) and on my blog template (which is on every page). The Comments section on my blog is always open for business. But business is slow.
When writing on a topic that involves real live people, lashon hara and judicial slander and defamation are always a big concern. I joked about it on my very first blog post. So I do my best to follow the rules.
On the Halachic end of things, the Chofetz Chaim lists seven conditions for writing (or saying) something that can affect another person. Basically, there must be some constructive purpose to it (toelles) and you have to know and be able to verify your facts, no filling in blanks, no overstatements, and you need to notify the person you are talking about if at all possible. (This is not the complete list but these are what is relevant to a blog).
This last detail of notifying the person is a central theme in this post. More on it later.
On the legal side of things, I am [allegedly] careful to use “journalistic license”. As a rule, I don’t make statements, I make opinions. I don’t write that something or someone “is a problem” but rather, something or someone “appears problematic” or “seems to be an issue”. I am stating an observation and an opinion, I am not creating or stating facts. I am not looking for trouble.
So, despite the fact that there are those who may be uncomfortable with the critical and polemical nature of a blog that, by its nature is meant to be critical and polemical (mussardig), I really don’t think there is anything written on my blog that Halachically or legally needs to be retracted.
So, if Rabi Yosi means what we all think he means, I can call myself a contender. I can’t say that I have never “turned backward” but I can say I’ve come close.
But, truth be told, this isn’t at all what Rabi Yosi means. At least, not according to Rashi it isn’t. Let’s look closer.
Rashi, on this passage in Shabbos 118b, writes as follows:
וחזרתי לאחורי - לראות מי יעמוד אחורי שאף בפני
הבעלים אני אומרה אלמא לאו לישנא בישא חשיבא
Turned backward – to see who is behind me, for I would say it even in the presence of the subject. We see that this [type of talk] is not considered lashon hara.
Rabi Yosi is giving us a litmus test to distinguish what counts as lashon hara. He is of the opinion that if it is something that one is not afraid to say in the presence of the subject, it isn’t lashon hara.
I think Rabi Yosi is trying to tell us the key factor of what makes “evil speech” so evil:
Makka Re’eihu b’Seter – Smiting your fellow in secret.
Remember Rashi’s commentary on this pasuk: It is discussing lashon hara.
Rashi does not seem to be quoting a chazal or a Midrash. It seems to be Rashi’s personal perspective. Where does Rashi learn this from?
I think he learned it from Rabi Yosi.
No doubt, when someone wants to say something defamatory, malicious, and degrading about another person, he will certainly not want to say it in that person’s presence. Aside from the fact that it will anger that person and who knows what may happen as a result, there is something else. The gossiper does not want the person to be able to contradict him and to defend his position or to set the record straight. The gossiper wants all his listeners to take him at his word and not to question what he says.
So he makes sure to say the gossip where it won’t readily get back to the subject. He will say it at a gathering or on a forum at which the subject has not been invited to participate. Where the subject is not present or invited or even allowed to respond. The gossiper doesn’t want to be tripped up and he wants whatever evil can befall the subject due to the gossip to come to fruition.
Thus, Rabi Yosi is saying to us that “I never spoke about anybody this way. I never said anything that was so malicious and untruthful that I didn’t want the person to hear. I never said anything in a situation where I was afraid to allow the person to respond. I never had to look over my shoulder to see who was listening.”
But there is no reason that this is limited to patently evil, malicious, purposely degrading gossip. It can even turn the tables on “gossip” that is not meant to be malicious or purposely degrading and damaging.
This is what is known in Slander Law as “good faith”.
Sometimes one feels the need to castigate and criticize someone for doing things that do not conform with Torah values and laws. This is called “tochacha” or “giving mussar”. In a Halachic sense, if one is doing it for a positive outcome, it is actually a big mitzva. And in a civil legal sense, it is called “criticism in good faith” and is not liable for defamation action. This is noted in paragraph 15 of the Israel Law of Lashon Hara.
Thus, both Halachically and legally, one may give mussar and criticism if it is in good faith.
But, what constitutes “good faith”?
Well, I just now wrote that we must be clear of problems both from a Halachic perspective and a legal one. Fortunately, here in Israel, these two entities are intertwined and there is a lot of overlap. So, let’s first take our rules from the Chofetz Chaim.
The Chofetz Chaim presents seven conditions to call something “good faith”. I summarized them earlier and here is a repeat of the main ones: There must be some constructive purpose to it (toelles), i.e., no intent to damage. In addition, you have to know and be able to verify your facts, no filling in blanks, no overstatements, and you need to notify the person you are talking about (if at all possible).
The last one is condition number 3 on the Chofetz Chaim’s list (Hilchos Lashon Hara 10:2). Why is this so important?
The Chofetz Chaim writes an obvious explanation. The person should be notified in advance so that perhaps he will desist from the activities that you want to call him out on, in which case, there would be no further need to say the degrading information and it can be avoided.
This is as much as he writes about it, but I think that there is another purpose included in this: You must notify the person in order to allow him to explain himself and justify his actions or clarify misconceptions. As I said earlier, to allow him to set the record straight. The person needs to be notified that you are saying this about them and given the opportunity to respond.
If you skip this step, even if your intention is pure and you meet every other condition of the Chofetz Chaim, your speech is still Lashon Hara. This is because it is מכה רעהו בסתר. If the person does not know what is being said and cannot respond, one can no longer assert that his slander was “in good faith”.
This is the core problem of Lashon Hara. And it turns over the whole deal even if everything else passes the test. And certainly when it doesn’t. The criticism can be whitewashed as tochacha, but if it doesn’t reach the person involved, it’s not a tochacha. This failure to notify actually displays that it was not meant to be a tochacha; only a malicious defamatory statement, a stab in the back. It is now a “makka re’eihu”, and a "secret" one at that.
ארור מכה רעהו בסתר!
So this is what Rabi Yosi is telling us when he said that he never said anything for which he needed to look over his shoulder hoping the person in question won’t hear. Everything derogatory that he says is something that he would want the person in question to hear so that he could change his ways or clear up any mistakes. Not only is it not מכה רעהו בסתר, it isn’t “makka re’eihu” at all.
According to Rashi, this is what Rabi Yosi really means. And I can proudly say, that in this department, I follow Rabi Yosi 1000%!
If I ever write anything critical (i.e., mussardig) about anyone that can have some negative repercussions, I absolutely, positively want that person to see it. I am not hiding my posts from anybody and I am not looking over my shoulder. I am not ashamed of anything that I have written and I welcome any kind of feedback – good, bad, indifferent, questions, corrections, compliments, complaints, whatever. I am not trying to be “makka re’eihu”. And I certainly will not be מכה רעהו בסתר.
This is why I have my email distribution policy.
For many years I have been using one of those free email services (MailChimp) to distribute my blog posts as emails. Obviously, I do it because I want my posts to reach people and be read and this is how I notify prospective readers that there is a new post to read. Who is signed up to my list?
Well, anybody who I feel may be interested. This includes the usual suspects, family, friends and well-wishers. Some people have signed up on their own, but most are people I signed up myself. It’s like a free trial subscription to a magazine and if you don’t like it, please feel free to unsubscribe. Many do unsubscribe. This is to be expected and respected.
When I say that I sign up anybody who I think may be interested, this includes people who may be directly or indirectly referenced in the posts. I want these people to know that I wrote a post which may concern them. This is partially just plain mentschlichkeit and partially to protect myself both Halachically and legally.
By “Halachically” I mean exactly what I just wrote – I do not want to be guilty of מכה רעהו בסתר (it’s a curse, after all). By “legally”, I mean that, in case somebody does think I may have crossed a line into judicial defamation (chas v’shalom), I can always claim that they were notified of the existence of the material and they had every opportunity to lodge a complaint or correction and request a revision. Like I said, I don’t look for trouble.
So if I sign someone up and they unsubscribe, they will no longer automatically receive my blog emails for every new post. But if a new post in some way concerns them, then I will still send them the email manually. I am doing it not only for their benefit, but for mine as well.
I will have no מכה רעהו בסתר.
My project calls for criticizing a lot of behavior and outlook that does not conform with Torah ideals. This is the purpose of my blog – to educate, defend, and to preach the Torah viewpoint to others. And there are often real people on the receiving end of the preaching; those who engage in the activities and/or convey the faulty outlook. My criticism inevitably concerns them. So I need to be sure that they are aware of what I wrote so they may recant or refute.
Over the 358 posts I have taken issue with numerous fellow bloggers. The most frequent is (or was) Rabbi Harry Maryles at Emes V’Emunah. He happens to be a personal acquaintance and I think that (off-line) he is a wonderful person, a devoted Jew and a real mentsch. But I have strong issues to what he writes and I have said so in the strongest of terms. He is on my email list. So far, he hasn’t unsubscribed and Mailchimp’s built in tracker tells me he opens almost every post (this does not mean the post was read) . We have sparred both on each other’s forums and behind the scenes. This is the way it should be.
I have placed other fellow bloggers on my email list, such as Headlines Reb Dovid Lichtenstein, Daas Torah Rabbi Daniel Eidensohn, Rafi from Life in Israel, Yaakov from Yeranen Yaakov and Dvash from Tomer Devorah. Of these, three have unsubscribed; the other two are still with me. Those who unsubscribed no longer receive my post emails except that if the post concerns them, I send them a copy manually. I feel it is a favor and an obligation. I will not be guilty of מכה רעהו בסתר.
I have critiqued – both “for” and “against” – writings or statements from outspoken colleagues such as Rabbis Jonathan Rosenblum, Dovid Orlofsky, and Moshe Grylak. (These three happen to be neighbors, as well.) They are all on my list and they open on occasion. As for the “debate” between Rabbi Ahron Feldman, Shlita and Rabbi Ahron Lichtenstein, Z”L, I managed to find an email address for Rabbi Feldman but not for Rabbi Lichtenstein.
With regard to the Prenups controversy, I subscribed Rabbi Michael J. Broyde and emailed Rabbi Mordechai Willig, Shlita and the BDA. I actually got some feedback from Rabbi Broyde but nothing from the BDA. Likewise, I have taken issue with Rabbi Shlomo Riskin on his stance on annulments. I emailed my post to micky@ohrtorahstone.org.il. No response.
On the 107 Rabbis Kol Koreh controversy, I subscribed the sponsor, Monsey Yid – sweettorah@gmail.com. He almost never opens but I did receive one correspondence from him.
The list goes on. As you may guess, Miriam Shear (imahawk@aol.com) unsubscribed. I had to manually send her a copy of Judging the Judges – Part 1.
It goes without saying that the Malka Leifer extradition episode is the most controversial topic I have discussed and has ruffled the most feathers. Once again, I firmly stand behind everything I have written and have followed the directives of Rabi Yosi. I haven’t “turned backward”.
This applies to both connotations that I discuss in this post. Everything I write is from a verified source, is not exaggerated, and is written in “good faith”. It is all done with the goal of giving this controversy a speedy and happy ending for all involved and to mitigate the chillul Hashem.
Likewise, I stick to my email notification policy. I will not be guilty of מכה רעהו בסתר.
It just so happens that I have Rav Yosef Blau on my email list for quite some time. Way before I took on this topic. Thus far, he has not unsubscribed and the tracker says he regularly opens the posts. Of course, this does not necessarily mean that he actually read them. Most of the other JCW personnel – Meyer Seewald, Shana Aaronson and their address at info@jewishcommunitywatch.org all unsubscribed.
It goes without saying that my correspondence with the RCANZ was through email. I tried to get the emails of as many individual members that I could (Rabbi Yaakov Glasman, Rabbi Benjamin Elton, Rabbi James Kennard, and Rabbi Alon Meltzer) and sign them up. Yep, most of them unsubscribed. So if I write a relevant post and have to send manually, I have a separate list of recipients just for that.
The post about Rav Yitzchok Dovid Grossman was sent to info@migdalohr.org. His office unsubscribed. I could not find an email address for Rav Mendel Shafran, Shlita. The post about “The Fall Guy” (David Stav) went to davidstav@shoham.muni.il (no response). I did not subscribe him.
And what about the Sapper sisters?
Believe it or not, Nicole Meyer actually contacted me before I knew who she was. I eventually subscribed her. She is still subscribed and the posts are opened on a regular basis. If it’s a post on the topic, I usually see multiple opens.
Dassi Erlich inadvertently posted her email address on her Facebook page in a letter she got from some Australian politician. I sent her an email saying that if she doesn’t want people like me finding her email, she may want to delete that letter. No response. In any case, I subscribed her and she unsubscribed immediately after the next post came. So now I only send her posts on the topic. I never found an email address for Elly Sapper but I don’t think it matters at this point.
You will notice that I have gone to great lengths to assure my readers that I adhere to the lessons of Rabi Yosi. I write polemical posts because I believe that daas Torah and Halacha are not adequately presented on the Internet. The posts need to be written. These posts challenge the positions and statements of other people, but this is no reason not to write them. Only they have to be written in “good faith.” This means out in the open with no backstabbing. Where the person being written about can respond. Without מכה רעהו בסתר.
This is how I write. But this is not how others write about me. I won’t dish out מכה רעהו בסתר but I sure get a lot of it. And it is alarming how many very Torah observant web sites are not mindful of what truly constitutes lashon hara – מכה רעהו בסתר.
In Part 2 of this post, we will visit some of those “frum” Internet web sites.
Just cover your
תכלה שנה וקללותיה - תחל שנה וברכותיה
Chag Sameach!
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