Out of the Freezer

Indeed, I haven’t posted anything in quite some time and, from the looks of things, I don’t think anybody noticed.

Part of the reason I haven’t been writing is that there is not much I care to write about. The two major topics I have been discussing of late are Child Abuse/Mesira and the Shidduch Crisis. I basically exhausted these topics. I am not interested in writing about Trump (I happen to like him) and there is no need for me to write on any issue where I have nothing to be “mechadesh”.

Another reason is that I have been quite busy. Thus, I want to present a few personal news updates which will, among other things, explain why I have been so preoccupied.

The first update is that the star of my Shidduchim posts, my tachshitel “Yossi”, has finally pulled it off, B”H. He is engaged. This is not really fresh news - it is about six weeks old; as of Rosh Chodesh Nissan, to be precise. This grand event, coinciding with the Pesach rush, was in itself enough to keep me away from my keyboard.

To briefly recap the story, my Yossi ran off a bit less than two years ago to the Goldene Medinah at the ripe age of 24 ½.  We initially avoided sending him to BMG partly because they are very strict about the “freezer” and since he would enter in October, very close to 25, we wanted to avoid it. After a year of good learning and mediocre dating in the off-Broadway theater, we understood that he is not in focus on the radar screen so we bit the bullet to transfer him to BMG. I implored the Powers-that-Be to waive the freezer requirement but they just gave me the cold shoulder.

So now he is “frozen” until Tu B’Shvat and we got him a return ticket to come home on 2 Nissan - a span of a mere six weeks; but only four weeks until Purim when things grind to a halt. He won’t have time to date while he’s here during Pesach, so this automatically meant that he probably wouldn’t warm up (thaw out) until the following zman. He would probably be out of business until Chodesh Iyar. At his age!

Even if he gets lucky right out of the starting gate and hits it off with his first or second prospect, it would mean finishing up between Purim and Pesach, a time that would be impossible for me and his mother to scoot in to the US to close the shidduch.

Well, I have my ideas and HKBH has His.

The first girl kept him busy for three dates but then fizzled out. There was barely time to get involved in another parsha, but we put in a call for a local Lakewood prospect right before Purim.

Jackpot! (Or am I supposed to say:”Bingo!”?)

Now, in my Shidduch posts, I was constantly preaching about two things: promoting web cam long-distance dating and writing eye-catching resumes. Yossi was meant to be my laboratory rat, so, how did we fare?

Well, we never actualized Skype dating. Not for any earlier girl and certainly not for this one. The fact that she lived in town with her folks not only made the old fashioned dating rather painless, but for the later stages, Yossi didn’t even need a car. She picked him up with hers. Saved us a bundle.

So, as it turns out, Yechezkel Hirshman, the great pioneer of Skype dating, sidestepped the entire concept and bowed to tradition!

Well, not 100%.

We did not need to use Skype for any dating, but, if you recall, I noted that the engagement took place on Rosh Chodesh Nissan. I was in no position to fly into New Jersey and her folks were in no position to fly out here. So, how did we meet?

You wanna guess?

That’s right, we had the parental tete-a-tete and closed the shidduch with a Skype meeting. I had to drink my own schnapps. But, again, I saved a bundle! So, at the end of the day zman, Skype amounts to something.

Of course, the circumstances that call for Skype dating are still in place along with a whole stack of girls whose resumes were shoved aside, so I am still promoting it.

Did I mention resumes? Ah, yes. What happened in the resume department?

Here, as well, there is nothing to trumpet about. Her resume was written very run-of-the-mill. It looked just like any average resume, nothing eye-catching about the style or layout. No “בס"ד “, no “special interests”, no telephone numbers of mechutanim, and no grandparents (I’ll be fair – only one of them is still with us). Not much background information about the parents, not even her mother’s maiden name.

Of course, the vital statistics that were on it were very favorable, she was conveniently located, and, what was most important, she is actively interested in coming to live in Eretz Yisroel, which had been a major sticking point for Yossi throughout this whole undertaking. So she had the ammunition to catch our interest even though her resume didn’t meet my standards.

When it’s the right one, it’s the right one.

Still, for those young ladies who aren’t as conveniently located, don’t have such positive “vitals”, or concur with a special need (such as to settle in Eretz Yisroel), it really pays to have a resume that stands out from the crowd.

So much for Yossi, may he and his intended build a bayis neeman b’Yisrael . He is getting married in Lakewood in Tammuz, IY”H

…and this will cost us a bundle.

Incidentally, my Yaakov is still out there and I’ve got two newer ones in the parsha.

The second update is my latest quest for a lucrative career which touches on the subject that I am aiming to discuss.

My Technical Writing career came to an abrupt standstill almost two years ago (which explains why I came back to blogging). I had mentioned in an earlier post, that as a backup, I undertook adult education in counseling and CBT and later, a certified course in Rabbinical marriage counseling (Yiutz Nissuin Rabbani). To date I have not been able to ply these skills commercially. This is partially because people are not so willing to invest the necessary resources into preserving their marriages.

As such, I took the logical next step of going where the money is – divorce court (Beis Din). I am now studying to be a Toen Rabbani.

If you can’t help ‘em stay married, you may as well help ‘em split up!

In the course of all the above, I learned a tremendous amount about Human nature, what goes on in people’s bedrooms, and what the divorce industry in Eretz Yisroel is really about.

This is a crash course which we are trying to squeeze into 18 months. Two tests on Choshen Mishpat, two tests on Even HaEzer, two tests on divorce laws and Beis Din practices, and a final oral exam by the Rabbanut. I have a test in two weeks and another one four weeks after that. This is a grueling course and it’s been keeping me busy and will continue for a bit, so I won’t be posting much.

I do need to say this:

This course is given by a branch of the same institute that taught me the Rabbinic Marriage Counseling. The marriage counseling part is called YaNaR (Yiutz Nissuin Rabbani) and the Toen Rabbani (and dayanus) part is called ShoHaM (Shaarei Halacha U’Mishpat) both of which were founded by Rabbi Meir Assor.

His story is that he used to be a Toen Rabbani and he recognized that so many of the broken marriages that open files in Beis Din were potentially salvageable, or could have been, if only the parties had proper guidance earlier on. This needless carnage broke his heart and he set out to train people to provide the necessary guidance to distraught couples. May his venture be blessed.

As his institute expanded, he added the Halachic branch to train Rabbanim, Dayanim, and toanim. Ironically, Rav Meir Assor began as a Toen and retrained himself to be a Yoetz Nissuin. I began training as a Yoetz Nissuin and am now retraining to become a Toen.

In any case, as is my style, this entire post is meant to be a preamble to the subject that I really wanted to discuss, which, indeed, is the issue of Shalom Bayis. Likewise as usual, the preamble is a post in itself and overshadows the main topic, so I need to break and leave the topic for a future post.

If I have the time to get to it…

Internet Schooling - Using One Good Crisis to Solve Another

Never let a crisis go to waste.

These are the (in)famous words of Rahm Emanuel, formerly President Obama’s Chief of Staff and currently the mayor of Chicago. (This rates in my book right alongside “I am not a crook!”)

Now this post is not meant to be about the Shidduch crisis although, now that I brought it up, and since it plays into my real topic, I will devote a few lines to it.

Loyal readers know that I have written a number of posts trying to push web cam dating. I am not finished with the subject and, in fact, want to expound on it some more - just not right now. But I will say this much in a follow up to my last post on this subject in August of 2014:

There seems to be very few revolutionaries among my scant readership. While I did not expect a deluge of responses to my clarion call for Skype-based trans-Atlantic dating featuring "Yossi", my then 23 y/o Prince Charming, I fully expected at least a smattering of interest. But I got absolutely nothing! Not a nibble. Save for one neighbor in Har Hof – a faithful reader - who wanted to set up my Yossi with his niece from Baltimore. And he couldn't get the job done because his sister's family is among the malachim (and I say it with sincere admiration) that do not have Internet in their house at all.  As I reported, Prince Charming (now a bit older) has since fled to the shores of the Goldene Medineh with a suitcase full of glass slippers (assorted sizes).

We are letting the crisis go to waste!

Undaunted, revolutionary that I am (or wannabe), I want to propose employing the Internet to help alleviate another great crisis. The one that most of us face shortly after successfully weathering the shidduch crisis – the day school tuition crisis catastrophe!!

Now, although this is a longstanding issue, this post was inspired by an interview I listened to very recently. The interview was conducted by Rabbi Dovid Lichtenstein on his weekly radio show Headlines. For the record, let me state that I think it is a great show and I highly recommend it for people who have the time. I think Rabbi Lichtenstein is a very brilliant, erudite and sincere individual and a great promoter of Torah and Chesed. (Although I question his support of the great sheffa-macher, Hillary Clinton). I was actually together with him during my year in Yeshivat Mir although we were not closely acquainted.

The interview was on his Jan. 23, 2016 broadcast and the interviewee was Harav Dovid Ozeiri. The subject focused on the address Rabbi Ozeiri delivered at the Agudah convention concerning how truly underpaid our Rebbeim (and teachers) are. Despite Rabbi Ozeiri’s claims of noticeable improvements, the underlying issue – the skyrocketing cost of education, was not fully addressed. Although some fundraising efforts may be effective to put a few additional dollars into our Rebbeims’ paychecks, it is difficult to envision a durable solution that does not facilitate another increase to the already crippling cost of tuition.

Can something be done?

I think so.

We have a Jewish mesora – it’s called Mesoras Avoseinu B’Yadeinu. The Torah calls it: שאל אביך ויגדך, זקניך ויאמרו לך.

What did my grandpapa do for my papa?

Well, there were no day schools in Munkacz when Totty was a tot. Not too many in the US either. But there were chadarim and Hebrew schools. Not nearly as costly as day schools. So it saved them a bundle. But…what about the three R’s?

There were compulsory no-cost public schools.

So that’s what they did in the good old days. Because, in Europe at least, they weren’t even allowed to have full scale private day schools. So the kids went to public school to learn the three R’s and national propaganda and all the parents had to pay for was the local religious education. And they didn’t splurge too much for the girls.

Today we don’t send our kids to public schools.

Why not?

Because it is not a very healthy environment for nice Jewish children (in more ways than one), that’s why. Also, because the standards of education do not meet the potentials of our children. Also because some of the study material is objectionable to our tastes (such as the national propaganda).

So we dig in to our pockets and hyper-pay for higher quality "kosher" secular education along with the religious education that we need. And we do this for our girls as well as for the boys. This is because the girls are required to receive the same compulsory secular education for which we cannot send them to public schools, either. And even though they do not need the same intensity of religious studies, we bundle it all up in one package we call "day school" with all the same perks and pay the same price.

But suppose we can have our kichel and eat it, too. Suppose we can achieve a suitable level of secular education and sidestep the unhealthy environment (and monitor the study material) all at no cost?

Well, we can. At least in some parts of the country. But it means going back to the big bad Parah Adumah that invades our lives --- the INTERNET.

You see, one day, when I was doing my usual “blogging”, I came across a pop-up ad for this place. This is a site that offers online secular education at no tuition at all.

Online secular education! Free!

With free online secular education, we could simply cut out the general studies from the day schools and turn them back into the chadarim and Hebrew schools that our zeidies (and bubbies??) went to.

This would eliminate the need for general studies teachers, and administrators, textbooks and equipment and possibly even lunches. So, let’s say the boys could go to school for limudei kodesh from 8:30 to 2:00, then come home and do their mandatory secular elementary school education online. For girls, the communities could develop religious education programs that work for them (tip – they can use the Israeli system as a model) and they would be non-compulsory so that if somebody is really financially strapped, they can opt out. Of course, I think it is very important for girls to receive proper Jewish educations, but definitely not as intensive as boys, and a family should not be forced to go into debt for it. If it’s truly unaffordable, families have the option of forgoing it and letting the girls learn on their mothers’ apron strings. Save the money for the chasuna (or for the seminary year in Israel)!

Of course, frum general studies teachers and administrators may find themselves out of work but (1) there are other kinds of jobs out there and (2) the savings from lowering their own children's tuition costs may just cover the deficit (perhaps with change).

And--- to deal with Rabbi Ozeiri, more of the freed up tuition money can get to the Rebbeim!

Incidentally, this system goes all the way to 12th grade so the yeshivos can cash in on it as well. We can also solve the girls' high school crisis - a crisis within a crisis - by eliminating girls' high schools and just having local religious studies programs (and maybe chugim) that can be much more flexible.

Of course, there are down-sides - just like the Skype dating. The obvious one is that, once again, it means making peace with the Internet.

And, again, I will respond with everything I wrote in my first post on this issue – see HERE. Owing to the fact that we have learned how to “tame” the Internet, this is a small price to pay.

With this, we have solved the problem of the “unhealthy environment” of public schools. What is left is the problem of the second rate standards, if they are indeed lower, and the problem of objectionable material.

Both these issues can be readily solved if we –the Jewish community – or some organization such as Torah U’Mesora, can develop a custom tailored curriculum for the Jewish community that can be fully accredited. If this is not possible, then the two issues will need to be dealt with.

My assumption is that the standards issue is not a serious one. The standards may well be up to par, and even if not, any achiever will eventually find his or her potential. As for objectionable material, I think it could be deflected or circumvented but I don’t want to lengthen this post by going into details.

Currently, there is one major problem with this whole suggestion. It is not fully functional. The site that I linked to above told me that the free online program is only accredited in 27 states. All other states can only go private which indeed costs a bundle. The states off the list include some of the real biggies – New York, New Jersey, and Illinois. But, California, Michigan and Florida are accredited. They told me they are working to get all 50 states and they hope to get New York or New Jersey, if not both in the coming year, but right now they are off the table.

I think it may just be a matter of the great askanim of Brooklyn and Rockland County to bribe pull the right strings in Albany to get the job done. We’ve got the people in Albany who will help us as soon as they get out of the slammer.

Incidentally, I found another such online public school system (see HERE) that claims to be accredited in New Jersey and Illinois (but still not New York).

So, even though for now this may be a pipe dream, it can happen if enough people (and HKBH) want it to happen.Of course, for social reasons, the current system is a much better system, but, needless to say, it is a luxury that most of us simply cannot afford. Remember, just like the Skype dating, we aren’t trying to fix something that ain’t broke. 

I fully understand that the Internet is a makka that brings along its own refuah. This is truly an eis laasos l'Hashem - hefeiru Torasecha. We need an alternative system. And, if nobody is willing to experiment with a new system, there will never be one.

P.S. I personally think that every single Jew should make Aliyah and leave this whole tuition crisis behind (we have some way more exciting crises over here), but none of my suggestions seem to sell.