Note – If you are not up to date on this topic, you can see previous posts HERE. It is also helpful to see this post about the 13 principles of faith: The Amalek Within Us.
It may appear that I am overdoing it with Dassi Erlich’s distasteful dis-faithful book, In Bad Faith. So far, I invested a long post just to analyze the cover of her book and then another four posts to analyze the inside. Basically, I am done with the book (I have lost faith in it). But, as a grand finale, there is one more component that I want to analyze.
The author.
No, I am not interested in psychoanalyzing Dassi or her mental state. She does plenty of that herself in the book and I have nothing to add. Besides, this is way above my “pay grade” in terms of expertise.
I want to analyze her relationship to G-d. I have much more expertise in this field.
I have always been fascinated by irreligious Jews. How do they deal with the inherent contradiction of identifying as the nation of G-d while at the same time ignoring His commandments?
This may not be such a perplexing question regarding Jews who are openly atheistic or who are not educated and have never been religious. But those who were brought up in a religious environment were taught that there is a Creator of this world who manages the whole shooting match and makes an accounting at the end of the game. How do they see all this?
Are they truly non-believers or are they just living in denial?
I have written about this in previous posts. I think the most comprehensive one is this one (HERE). This post analyzed our 13 principles of faith and explained how people can claim to believe in G-d (or in god) and still be secular. Here is what I wrote about my dilemma:
When a Jewish person who was brought up Orthodox and educated Orthodox and was taught Torah and mitzvos stops observing Torah and mitzvos for whatever reason, he or she is saying that they don’t believe in principles 10 and 11. They won’t be rewarded and they certainly won’t be punished. Most likely, they do not believe in principles 6-9, either. They can claim that they believe in G-d and even in “justice”, but it is their definition of justice, not G-d’s. They may be “good” people with social morals, but they are not Yarei Elokim and they have no boundaries.
And there are even Jews who can be called “Orthodox”… They may even believe in principles 5-8. But somehow things change in principle 9 (there will be no other Torah). Suddenly, the Torah becomes flexible.
As such, they may rationalize:
When G-d says …Jews should not be imprisoned, He doesn’t really mean it. When He says, Jews cannot be sent out of the Land of Israel, He doesn’t really mean it. When He says that Jews are not to be handed over to non-Jews for punishment, He doesn’t really mean it. When He says not to shame people in public for things they have done in the past but are no longer doing, He doesn’t really mean it. When He says to love Him and do His mitzvos even when He takes your life or your money or gives you a rough time in life, He doesn’t really mean it.
And they will think:
This is because we have to be “just” and “moral” people and, regardless of what G-d says, this isn’t my idea of justice and morality. So I can …denounce Jews to non-Jewish police for past sins (not just for current ones) and I can see to it that they are extradited and imprisoned and shamed and destroy their families and prevent them from repairing their lives because this is “justice”.
All of this may be applicable to Nicole Meyer who, at least outwardly, has remained Orthodox. But the other two sisters have totally left Orthodoxy and, for all appearances, have left Judaism.
What is certain is that Dassi Erlich turned her back on G-d. She left the Sukka and kicked it on the way out.
The first question is, why?
The simple answer is that Dassi thinks that G-d turned His back on Dassi first.
Did He really?
We’ll get to this later, but it doesn’t really matter. As long as this is what Dassi thinks, then this is what her excuse is.
I will postulate that Dassi Erlich was born a good person. All Jewish people are born as good people. And, based on her narrative up to page 260, she obviously was handed a raw deal. It is not very common that people from observant Jewish families go through such a harrowing upbringing. Why did it happen to her?
With this, we arrive at the great existential question that has been asked through the ages, from Iyov, to Moshe Rabeinu to Yirmiyahu HaNavi:
Why do bad things happen to good people?
I recall that a renowned conservative “rabbi” named Harold Kushner who wrote a very well-received book titled “When Bad Things Happen to Good People”. He wrote it because one of his children was stricken with a very rare disease resulting in a very early demise (R”L) and papa “Rabbi” Kushner tried to make sense out of it all. How could a merciful G-d do such a thing?
Kushner’s very un-Orthodox conclusion was that his god is as such: “God” is benevolent but not all-powerful to prevent evil.
In other words, his god is finite. He’s good to us but no match for Satan.
What this says is that “Rabbi” Kushner is a total heretic – kofer b’ikar.
As I wrote in the aforementioned post, Rambam tells us the 13 principles of faith. Many non-observant Jews at least hold of the first four or six. But let’s check out principle numero uno:
אֲנִי מַאֲמִין בֶּאֱמוּנָה שְׁלֵמָה. שֶׁהַבּוֹרֵא יִתְבָּרַךְ שְׁמוֹ הוּא בּוֹרֵא וּמַנְהִיג לְכָל הַבְּרוּאִים. וְהוּא לְבַדּוֹ עָשָׂה וְעוֹשֶׂה וְיַעֲשֶׂה לְכָל הַמַּעֲשִׂים:
In plain English:
I believe with complete faith that the Creator, blessed be His name, is the Creator and Guide of all the created beings, and that He alone has made, does make, and will make/do all things (i.e., enact or cause all events).
This means that our G-d not only created all that exists, but that he is behind every single event that takes place whether it looks “G-d-like” or not. This is the Torah principle of אין עוד מלבדו - HKBH is in charge of everything.
There is nothing finite about our G-d. But this is not “Rabbi” Kushner’s god. He worships a different god. Kushner cannot even get past principle of faith number one on the list!
This is beyond belief!
Now, if the Conservative movement wants to be taken seriously at any level, they would have had to throw this Kushner heretic out on his head. But they didn’t. As such, I can only conclude that the entire Conservative movement does not believe in the true G-d as described by Rambam and has no chelek b’Elohei Yisrael.
So, what is the Orthodox answer to the question of “Why do bad things happen to good people”?
The answer is that there is no such thing as a “bad thing”. “Things” may look bad and be distressing, painful and even fatal (cha”v), but they are never really bad. They happen in order to help us or to test us. In all cases, it is to make us better people.
And what about the totally faultless young people, babies and fetuses et al, who are mercilessly stricken?
Let me tell over an allegorical story that I heard from a Rav in his drasha in shul.
There was a very narcissistic observant man who thought he was G-d’s gift to the world. He would constantly degrade and shame other people and even hit them. Eventually, he completed his allotted Earthly time and was ushered upstairs for judgement. Since he had been devoutly observant, he had many merits for performing countless mitzvos, even with hidurim. Nevertheless, his poor midos and disdain for others made it impossible for him to be admitted to Gan Eden.
Therefore, he was given the option to come back to Earth for another go and to improve his midos. It was the best deal for him but he was afraid that he may wind up being the same narcissist and will make things worse rather than better. So, he begged the Heavenly court to make him a destitute poor man begging for sustenance with nothing to be proud of.
This request was granted.
Then he said that he is still afraid he may get into fights and hurt other people so he wants to make sure he only has one arm so he won’t be able to hurt anybody. The Heavenly court said this is too much. Sorry, Charlie, but you get two normal arms just like everybody else. Why should you be a privileged character?
But he insisted and pleaded to only have one arm and this turned into a big debate in the Heavenly court. Finally, HKBH stepped in and said to grant him this request as well.
And so it was. This fellow was born anew to a poor family and, in his childhood, lost one of his arms. Then he had no luck in school or livelihood and he wound up sitting on street corners humbly begging for money.
And the moral of the story?
If you ever see a one-armed beggar sitting on a street corner, you should give him a shekel, but you don’t need to feel sorry for him. He may be in a better place than you are and, by taking your shekel, he may be doing you a bigger favor than you are doing for him.
Basically, this brings us to the concepts of gilgulim (reincarnation) and tikkun hanefesh. We will never know in our lifetime how our hardships are helping us and what is accomplished when people come to this world and last only a short time and depart after a bout of indescribable suffering. But there is purpose to it.
Sure, we are obligated to help people who are suffering and to daven for them. This is our tikkun. But it is not for us to question why they are suffering or even to look at their suffering as a true tragedy. There is always something gained. Usually, something very valuable.
This even applies to all those murdered in the Holocaust, no matter what age, and to those murdered, raped and kidnapped on October 7. Every “victim” was Hand chosen for this treatment and it is to their ultimate benefit – if those who are still alive take it the right direction.
So, we return to Dassi Erlich. She was born into a dysfunctional and abusive family through no choice of her own. She had no say in the matter, or did she?
I mentioned in some previous posts that I have listened to many of the lectures from Rav Alon Anava. In one of his near-death experience (NDE) lectures (I don’t recall which one), he mentioned that when a new Jewish neshama comes into the world, he or she can choose which family to be born into from a given assortment of options. In other words, a child who is brought into any family, rich or poor, healthy or ill, stable or unstable, has actually chosen that family as the best option to accomplish his or her tafkid (Earthly purpose).
I was astonished when I heard that, but I was totally blown away when I heard the exact same thing from a different non-Orthodox Jewish woman named Elizabeth Krohn who was literally struck by lightning and experienced her own NDE. She says it right here at 08:40:
[Note - the video may not display in the email version. You can access it HERE.]
She also mentions at the very end (about 20:00) that our journey to Earth in general is something we agreed to do. I have heard this concept from other sources, as well. This is that before we are born, we are shown what our mission is, what are challenges will be and we all agree to take it on.
We really shouldn’t be influenced by NDEs (לא בשמים היא) but, if this is the case, then it means that Dassi and all her siblings actually chose this couple to be their parents. And she agreed to her ordeals including what transpired with Mrs. Leifer. She agreed to it all! Why would anybody in their right mind do this?
The obvious answer is that it is good for them. It will give them the tools to accomplish what they need to accomplish. And all the pain and suffering will serve both as a tikkun and as a test.
Perhaps, in a previous life, Dassi was very disrespectful to her parents, so, in this life, she is intentionally placed in a family setting where she is forced to respect her parents whether she likes it or not. This would be a proper tikkun for her past transgressions. She will gain from this immensely.
But this is the world of free choice. A test can be passed, and it can be failed. And a tikkun can be blown. Like coming there in the first place, it’s their choice.
By the way. Dassi Erlich is not the only such public figure I have come across who abandoned a religious upbringing and “kicked the sukka”. Before I ever knew of Dassi Erlich I came across Shalom Auslander.
Shalom Auslander was born to a very Orthodox family in Monsey and attended Yeshiva Spring Valley. He had an upbringing very similar to Dassi’s except that his father was the narcissistic abusive one and his mother was the codependent enabler. He found x-rated material in his parents’ room and this led him to a very natural addiction. Clearly, he was having a tough time in the sukka.
In any case, he went way off the derech. He left the sukka. And he also kicked it on the way out but in a different way. Unlike Dassi, he didn’t falsely demonize the community he came from (motzi-shem-rah). He just made fun of them (leitzanus).
As a writer and humorist, he didn’t go quietly. He wrote all about it for everybody to see. He first wrote a book of short stories which he titled Beware of G-d (no dash in his version). I haven’t read it. He then wrote a personal memoir which he titled Foreskin’s Lament. I did read that book. (The book is definitely rated R at best, with lots of foul language, so I cannot recommend it for a Torah Jew.)
The fascinating thing is that, although he openly abandoned G-d, he cannot relinquish his belief in G-d. The fact that this world has a supreme Creator is too obvious to ignore. He is way too intelligent to think otherwise. He cannot reject at least the first four of the 13 principles. And, because of this, he is having a miserable time rejecting the other nine.
He expressed this in a very humorous but irreverent promotional video on his book from 2008. You can see it here:
[Note - the video may not display in the email version. You can access it HERE.]
At the very end of the video, he displays the following in text: “I believe in G-d…It’s been a real problem for me.”
If you cannot see the video, here is a blurb about his book from the Amazon page:
Shalom Auslander was raised with a terrified respect for G-d. Even as he grew up and was estranged from his community, his religion and its traditions, he could not find the path to a life where he didn’t struggle daily with the fear of God’s formidable wrath. Foreskin’s Lament reveals Auslander’s “painfully, cripplingly, incurably, miserably religious” youth in a strict, socially isolated Orthodox Jewish community, and recounts his rebellion and efforts to make a new life apart from it. His combination of unrelenting humor and anger renders a rich and fascinating portrait of a man grappling with his faith and family.
What is a “terrified respect for G-d”? Let me explain.
We all have a god-like reverence for our parents. When we try to characterize G-d in our minds, the natural thing is to model our Father in Heaven after our actual real-life fathers. When our fathers are loving and benevolent and are tempered in their discipline and show unconditional love and give us a stable home, good food and nice things (and maybe a generous allowance), we can appreciate them, grow close to them, and grieve when they depart us. Accordingly, it is not hard for us to imagine our Heavenly Father as an enhanced version of this. And we can have a relationship to HKBH. Ahava and Yirah.
But when the god-like model of a real-life father is a narcissistic and abusive father and a codependent mother, as was the fortune of Shalom Ausdlander, such a relationship with G-d cannot come about. When one has a draconian and terrifying perception of their parents, one will naturally develop a draconian and terrifying perception of G-d. There will be no Ahavas Hashem and ultimately there will be no Yiras Hashem.
Like Dassi, Mr. Auslander also chose his family and chose his path.
So, where is Dassi now in terms of Emunah?
Definitely not where she could be and where she should be.
How far has she strayed?
For the moment, she isn’t sure. Here is what she told in a Haaretz interview from Feb. 4, 2024:
Having emerged from the restrictions of Adass and the abuses of her home and school, she is uncertain now of her attitude towards Judaism and the Jewish community. "I'm still working it out. It's something I fought against for a long time. I rebelled against it, then ignored it, then didn't have the space to think about.
"I see myself as secular. I have an appreciation for some parts of Judaism. I see myself as a Jewish woman. I do participate in certain religious holidays because sometimes that's when my family will come together. We'll get together for Seder, at Pesach. Occasionally my siblings and I will make a Friday night meal together. It's not something we do regularly.
"What do I believe in and what makes or doesn't make sense to me? That's something I'm still discovering."
I find this hard to believe.
The article inquires how Dassi feels about “Judaism and the Jewish community” as if they are nothing more than ideological concepts. It’s more than this. “Judaism” is the Word of G-d and “the Jewish community” are G-d’s faithful. So the real question is “What is her attitude towards G-d?” She can’t be in the course of “discovering” her “attitude to Judaism” or the community if she is not trying to discover the essence of G-d.
ישראל ואורייתא וקודשא בריך הוא, חד הוא.
From Dassi’s faithless (G-d forsaken) book, it is clear that she is not searching for G-d. And one who doesn’t search for G-d will never find Him. Only an explorer discovers. Dassi is not really exploring.
Let’s take one final look at the toxic passage that Dassi wrote on page 300 of her unbelief-able book:
But no matter where I turned, I couldn’t escape the looming presence of the court or the relentless attacks from Malka Leifer’s supporters…I sought support from Shana Aaronson of Jewish Community Watch to deal with it. Shana was unwavering and helped… A court in Israel instructed that the defamatory posts be removed and at the time they were, but since then more posts have been made.
Malka Leifer’s supporters? Who are they?
I mentioned in previous posts that nobody supported Malka Leifer’s alleged actions, but we stood up for G-d’s definition of “justice”. What this means is that the “supporters” were (are?) all G-d’s messengers trying to steer these girls in the right direction. It’s not us. It’s HKBH talking. And He has lots of messengers.
So, what Dassi is really saying is that “But no matter where I turned, I couldn’t escape the looming presence of”…G-d. As Shalom Auslander quoted in his promotional video (1:40), “G-d is here, G-d is there, G-d is truly everywhere.”
Yep, she can seek support from Shana Aaronson who can petition the court to unlawfully censor G-d’s messages to her, but if He wants to communicate to her, then “more posts will be made”. And if He doesn’t want to communicate, it’s even worse.
Technically, it’s still not too late. But I fear that the price of doing teshuva is more than she can afford. It would mean renouncing all that she worked for since 2011. It would mean deleting her Facebook page and recalling her slanderous book. And it would mean making amends to quite a few people and trying to fix a mountain of damage. Mesira and malshinus are very hard sins to atone for. Dassi was warned, but she burned her bridges behind her.
ואל יבטיחך יצרך שהשאול בית מנוס לך, שעל כרחך אתה נוצר, [ועל כרחך אתה נולד], ועל כרחך אתה חי, ועל כרחך אתה מת, ועל כרחך אתה עתיד ליתן דין וחשבון לפני מלך מלכי המלכים הקדוש ברוך הוא.
I don’t envy “Rabbi” Kushner or Shalom Auslander or Dassi Erlich. They made their choices before and during their lives.
It may be hard to believe in G-d. But it’s even harder not to.
Beware!
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