Arrur Makkah Re’eihu B’Seter – Part 2a: Tea Rooms and Coffee Rooms

 

Author’s note - This is the long forsaken awaited second part of my 2019 post Arrur Makkah Re’eihu B’Seter – Part 1: Good Faith. I highly recommend reading the first half of that post (HERE).

I began writing this post a few days before Tisha B’Av, which is when the Tea app controversy erupted. It discusses Lashon Hara and Sinas Chinam, so it was a highly appropriate nine-days topic. As I wrote it, it expanded into a two-part essay and wasn’t ready for posting before Tisha B’Av. I suppose you can consider it a pre-Ellul post.

The Coldplay scandal in Boston hasn’t even chilled and there is a new one brewing. 

What’s brewing?

Tea. As in the controversial Tea Dating Advice app.

As opposed to Coldplay, the Tea is brewing very hot. (Perhaps we can combine the two events and call them the Boston-Tea Party.)

Trust me, I never heard of Coldplay until this scandal erupted, and I hadn’t heard of the Tea app until this scandal as well. So, what is this Tea app?

Firstly, let me say we are discussing a phone app in the secular world for the general (non-Jewish) population. There is nothing religious or Jewish about this app. 

Apparently, it’s an exclusive online forum only for women. In this forum, the women can post pictures and information about whatever men they have dated (or have been engaged or married to) so that other women who are considering involvement with these people can be informed about what is in store. There does not seem to be any restrictions about what kind of information can be posted. Ladies can post details about men including their photos, addresses, phone numbers, where they work, and even their intimate behavior. 

The justification for this kind of databasing is to expose potential predators, people with criminal records, or otherwise dangerous or unbalanced people to make the wild dating experience with random strangers safer for the womenfolk. Sure, a member can write nice things about an individual and possibly recommend him to the world, but this doesn’t really seem to be its purpose. 

Although it is not the government Sex Offender Registry, it comes darn near close to it. In short, it is the non-Jewish version of JCW’s Wall of Shame (WOS). It also carries many of the ethical issues that I had discussed in several previous posts about the despicable WOS. Some are:

• The person profiled is not necessarily informed that he is profiled.

• The person profiled has no say in the matter of his being profiled. No way to protest or demand to be taken out of the app.

• The person profiled has no access to the site to see personally what is written about him (this one did not apply to WOS).

• The person profiled cannot enter any comments, updates, corrections, complaints or anything similar or defend themselves in any way.

• The women who post about men do not have to identify themselves.

• A profile, once posted, is displayed for eternity. As long as the poster doesn’t take it down, she could be in a coma or worse and that profile will still be sitting there available to the entire world. The Internet is the Eternal-net.

Of course, the biggest excuse for unbridled slander (Lashon Hara) is that it’s all "a toelles". It’s to make people safe. Just like the JCW Wall of Shame and all those articles that used to be in the In the News section of the Magen-Israel.org site. And, chas v’shalom, should any man who is featured on these sites, who are undoubtedly all genocidal child-killers, be allowed to challenge what is written and stand up for themselves.

Just to be up to date, both JCW’s WOS and the In the News section of Magen-Israel.org are currently offline. JCW went comatose in 2020 after Shana Aaronson left them but they were still accessible online including their wretched WOS until 2023. Finally, sometime that year, the entire site went offline. As for the Magen-Israel site, which is still in business, to Mrs. Aaronson’s credit, someone was able to talk sense into her to remove the In the News items. Kol Hakavod!

Back to our Tea party.

 

As I said, the Tea app is an exclusive app for women only. Men cannot join. In order to be a member of the app, an applicant has to prove that they are indeed a woman. This is becoming increasingly difficult in today’s day and age. Just ask Candace Owens and Brigitte Macron. 

Hence, in order to verify an applicant’s womanhood, they must provide either a copy of their driver’s license, which typically states the holder’s gender, and/or provide a selfie picture or maybe a DNA sample or whatever. These proofs (not the DNA) are uploaded to the site, but don’t worry ladies, they are secure and will be deleted.

Understandably, the Tea app, allegedly launched in 2023, has been a source of controversy since its inception with accusations of being unethical, defamatory and an invasion of privacy. True or not, it is just plain mean-spirited. Wikipedia claims that there have been ten class-action lawsuits filed against them since this exploded. 

The founder is actually a man who claims that he was inspired to make the app because of his unmarried mother’s bad experiences in dating. It is meant to protect womanhood. He also claims that the information that the women post is “largely true”. His critics respond that (1) he has no system or way of knowing if anything posted is or isn’t true at all, (2) the term “largely true” is just another way of saying “not completely true”, and (3) this does not explain why men need to be excluded from accessing the site. Incidentally, as I will discuss later, sites like these can be made with full access to certain members and “Read only” to “lower class” members. Hence, there is absolutely no excuse not to allow men to join at least for “Read only”.

Up to a few weeks back, this Tea app was the number one free app in the world being downloaded to smartphones. Nevertheless, this app recently hit the news because the system, promised to be secure, was hacked, probably by some disgruntled males who saw the evil in it. Initially it admitted to about 72,000 “legacy” (old) images being hacked (old means since 2023 up to Feb. 2024). This put the photos and driver’s licenses (which were not deleted as promised) of 13,000 ladies plus another 59,000 of their posts and comments up for grabs. 

Shortly after that, the app admitted to a second breach, which may just be an update on the initial breach, which involves over a million images. This breach has become so disastrous that, for the time being, the entire app was shut down. As to be expected, this made a whole “community” of men, who felt that they may have been affected or may someday be affected by the slander in this app, breathe a sigh of relief and sing the song of Karma.

What is my take on this?

We know that the secular and non-Jews live in a G-dless world without boundaries and “anything goes”. Even so, such a forum should have no right to exist. 

Why? Because it is totally cursed.

I wrote about it almost six years ago in this post: 

Arrur Makkah Re’eihu B’Seter – Part 1: Good Faith

This is one of the kelalos (curses) that were said to us on Mt. Eval. And any action that is a curse for us is a curse for the nations exponentially.

To get where this is going, it is very important to read at least the first half of this post (until the “Email policy” part.) But, in a nutshell, what I wrote is that a person can say or write something about another that has virtually all of the seven stipulations of the Chafetz Chaim in Hilchos Lashon Hara 10:2 – i.e., be a total toelles, firsthand knowledge, no embellishing, no filling in blanks, the works – and still be the worst type of malshin if he overlooks one thing: if he or she says it behind the back of the person in question. More accurately, I wrote in that post that this is a variation of stipulation 3 – that the subject must be confronted ahead of time.

As a public service I will reprint some excerpts from that post:

No doubt, when someone wants to say something defamatory, malicious, and degrading about another person, he will certainly not want to say it in that person’s presence. Aside from the fact that it will anger that person and who knows what may happen as a result, there is something else. The gossiper does not want the person to be able to contradict him and to defend his position or to set the record straight. The gossiper wants all his listeners to take him at his word and not to question what he says. 

So he makes sure to say the gossip where it won’t readily get back to the subject. He will say it at a gathering or on a forum at which the subject has not been invited to participate. Where the subject is not present or invited or even allowed to respond. The gossiper doesn’t want to be tripped up and he wants whatever can befall the subject due to the gossip to come to fruition.

And a bit later, in reference to Shmiras HaLashon stipulation 3 I wrote:

I think that there is another purpose included in this [stipulation]: You must notify the person in order to allow him to explain himself and justify his actions or clarify misconceptions. As I said earlier, to set the record straight. The person needs to be notified that you are saying this about them and given the opportunity to respond. 

If you skip this step, even if your intention is pure and you meet every other condition of the Chofetz Chaim, your speech is still Lashon Hara. This is because it is מכה רעהו בסתר. If the person does not know what is being said and cannot respond, one can no longer assert that his slander was “in good faith”. 

Okay, I got it. I wrote it more than five years ago, and I am writing about it today. So what? This is what the non-Jewish are doing on non-Jewish sites. It’s their business. What’s it got to do with us?

The sad answer is:

We, too, are doing it on our ultra-frum Internet sites. It’s just as much a curse and it needs to stop. Or, at least, stop being so hefker. This episode with the Tea Dating Advice app is here to show us how horrible this is and to open our eyes and to rid our midst of this evil.

I alluded to this in my initial post in 2019. Here is how I closed that post:

This is how I write [i.e., without Makkah Re'eihu]. But this is not how others write about me. I won’t dish out מכה רעהו בסתר but I sure get a lot of it. And it is alarming how many very Torah observant web sites are not mindful of what truly constitutes lashon hara – מכה רעהו בסתר.

In the second part of this post, we will visit some of those “frum” Internet web sites.

I initially wanted to write the promised Part 2 to point out the shortcomings of at least two very popular frum web sites. But, at the time, I thought better of it. 

Although I considered it tochacha in good faith with adherence to all the rules - a toelles, totally firsthand knowledge and fully true, and something I would certainly want their moderators to see (besides that they are only web sites, not specific people) – I just didn’t think at the time that “mussaring” these sites would accomplish anything. 

But now, with this Tea app controversy making the headlines, I think it may be a more auspicious time to drive the point home.

At this stage, I want to clarify that the primary culprit of this evil are the chat forums. This obviously includes regular social media like Facebook, X, Instagram and WhatsApp but now, I am here to discuss specific independent chat forums. And two very “frum” ones.

In general, I don’t have anything to do with chat forums and I don’t think any Torah observant Jew should. There is very little redeeming qualities to them and spending time on them usually constitutes bitul zman at best. At worst, it is the most fertile breeding ground for Lashon Hara (LH), Motzi Shem Rah (SR) and Makkah Re’eihu B’Seter (MRB) that one can encounter.

As I wrote, even when the sites try to restrict real LH and endeavor to ensure that anything critical being posted is totally true and has a purpose, if it regards and identifies any specific person and that person is not notified, it goes into the category of MRB and is as bad as any other LH or SR.

This infraction can occur on two levels:

Level 1 (Basic MRB) – The forum is open to the public so anyone can sign in and join the chat. It only constitutes MRB because the subject is not aware of the discussion, hence, it is all happening behind his back.

Level 2 (Advanced MRB) – The forum is an exclusive forum which only accepts certain members, just like the secular Tea app. The subject of the discussion cannot become a member and join the chat. Typically, he/she is not aware of the discussion, but even if he/she is, if they cannot get on and join in and clarify or defend, it is much worse than the basic kind of MRB.

So, I want to discuss the two Jewish chat rooms with which I have personal firsthand experience in order that the sites and their readers should be alerted to the sinister danger of MRB. One was at Level 1 and the other at Level 2.

Since I don’t hang around chat forums, I probably wouldn’t have known they exist if not for the Makkah Re’eihu that I suffered at their hands. I came across both of them through good ol’ Google while checking for references to my book.

The first culprit (Level 1) is the Coffee Room at Yeshiva World News. 

In general. I think YWN is a nice kosher site and presents mainline news stories that are relevant to us. The ads are for worthy tzedakos and shiurim and important goods and services (such as the Yashar Initiative), and the obituary page is very useful. Yes, I check it out, and sadly, frequently enough, I have some kind of connection to the dear departed (A”H). I think some of the issues presented in the Mailbag are over the top, but they are food for thought.

Of course, sometimes they make mistakes even in their regular reporting and print things they shouldn't (HERE) albeit "with a heavy heart" (see my comments at the bottom of that news item).

But their real problem is the "decaffeinated" Coffee Room – their chat forum. In general, I don’t know what is discussed in it, but I question how any moshav leitzim discussion is beneficial at all. Does it really need to exist? And is it really decaffeinated (it kept me up at night)?

[Note – Back in the day, I spent many an hour in the real Coffee Room at BMG Lakewood (drinking real coffee), so I can imagine what goes on in this virtual one.]

The infraction I refer to was a thread dated July 31, 2016 and you can see it HERE.

It started out very favorably for me, as the original poster (OP), named Joseph, started it to recommend my book. It turned ugly soon enough when some detractors got on with their dossier of criticisms. The problem was that the criticisms did not relate to my book, which this guy was recommending, but was actually a discredit on the author of the book, that these folks hadn’t read, on account of my opinions in my blog, not my book. 

I am gratified that this Joseph fellow stuck at my side throughout the thread – even defending the blog posts – but it turned really ugly a year later when a detractor posted to accuse this Joseph fellow of being me in disguise. 

I can assure you that this Joseph person was not me, nor any agent of mine in any capacity, and, as far as I know, we don’t even know each other at all. But if you read the entire thread, you will find me chiming into it in June 2018. That’s just shy of two whole years after the thread was opened. Why then?

Obviously, this is when I discovered that this thread exists and took on a login account at the Coffee Room. Note - this is happening nine years after my book came out, so I had long stopped checking the Internet for search hits on a frequent basis and only did it occasionally. Thus, for two years, this thread was sitting on the heiliger YWN chat forum and I had no idea it was online. 

In its time, it was a fair thread where I had some supporters, some detractors and a few undecideds. If I had known of it, I would have had an opportunity to neutralize the criticism of the detractors (and to state that I am not Joseph), to set the record straight on their blog issues (Joseph helped with that), and to win over the undecideds. 

By the time I discovered the thread, all such opportunity was long gone and the “damage” done by the detractors couldn’t be repaired.

Arrur Makka Re’eihu B’Seter.

I want to be clear that everybody is entitled to their opinions and can voice them. You are welcome to bash my book and/or my blog for what is written there, but it needs to be done “kosher”. This means you can criticize what I wrote but not what you thought I wrote but really didn’t. You need to be objective. You cannot make a “subjective” interpretation and then criticize me on your own subjectivity. And, lastly, you cannot criticize me (or what I write) behind my back. 

These aren’t my rules.

Incidentally, this thread is a clear display of what we are taught is Avak Lashon Harah. This is when one person says even positive things about a person or product in a forum of hypercritical people, and it triggers some detractors to go on and say detrimental things. L’toelles, of course. I don’t mean to blame Joseph who, after all is an ally, or anybody who opens a thread on a chat forum with a praise, plug, recommendation or anything positive. Yet, it is scary to see how frequently things turn around and snowball the other direction. This is especially when dealing with controversial or “political” topics, which is what a lot of chat forums are intended for.

This is quite disturbing. I don’t know who else may have been victimized with LH, SR and MRB on forums like this, but I can’t be the only one.

As is expected, the YWN Coffee Room has a list of rules. First on the list is:

Loshon Hara will not be tolerated at all. We are not and will not become Lashon Hara central.

Either they have become a bit more tolerant, or they don't recognize some forms of Lashon Hara.

A bit further down, there is another rule:

Please don’t try to pry out personal information. Any questions or comments directed towards trying to “figure out” a blogger’s identity will not be tolerated.

Once again, it looks like this rule was "overlooked".

At the bottom of all this, they write an important message - in bold - that just about sums up the entire situation:

This is the Internet and everyone sees what you write. Ve’Hameivin Yavin.

I couldn't have said it better.

So, this wraps up our first culprit. Remember that this is only the Basic form of Makkah Re’eihu B’Seter. The second culprit is way more advanced. It is our frum version of the Tea Dating Advice app. No men allowed. We will look into it in an upcoming post.

Stay tuned for The Mother of all Jewish Chat Groups.

The Cold Play – Zimri and Kazbi Perform in Foxborough

 

Has anybody noticed that I haven’t been posting much of late? Anybody? Anybody?

Oh, well! (Or as my friend Charlie B. used to say – “Good grief!”)

One reason for this silence is that not too many folks notice even when I do write, so what’s the difference?

Much has to do with the fact that the current headlines far overshadow my subject matter. Most of us are focused on the multi-front war and the hostages and the potential deals and ceasefires. I have nothing to contribute to this subject.

The other burning issues are the Israeli domestic right-to-left politics (or, in English, it’s the left-to-right politics), the coalition crisis and the draft issue. Again, I don’t have anything of substance to contribute. I would like to see some viable draft law that recognizes the primacy of Torah learning just like most of us. And I would also like to see that shefa macher in the blonde sheitel be removed from the office she was never elected to in the first place. 

Truth be told, I have two Yeshiva boys of draft age, one married and one single. So, I have skin in the game, but still, nothing innovative to write.

I like to be machadesh (innovate), to write thought-provoking (or just plain provoking) things that stand out and to point out things that nobody else seems to notice. But these high profile current events subjects are over-represented, and I have nothing to add that will provoke much thinking. The subjects that I want to cover, such as how to handle a Din Torah (Project Emesh), are so far from center stage right now that there is no interest. So, why write about it?

But this past week, salvation!

Finally, there is something earth-shattering in the news that is overshadowing all these boring topics like wars and coalition crises and is taking a dominant role at center stage. It is something to bring me out of semi-retirement.

The Coldplay Concert Scandal.

Nothing is making headlines like this event. All the news analysts and gossip column analysts and comedians and influencers are showing the short clip and talking about it.

This has even caught the attention of some frum Jewish YouTube influencers. These include Ben Shapiro, Rabbi Pinchas Taylor, Rabbi Yisroel Goldstein and an article on Aish.com written by Itamar Frankenthal. Most of them, particularly Rabbis Goldstein and Taylor are discussing what we should learn from this debacle and focus on the idea of עין רואה ואוזן שומעת וכל מעשיך בספר נכתבים. We are constantly being watched. All of us. I highly recommend watching these those two clips.

The interesting thing is the titles of these two clips. The one presented by Rabbi Goldstein is titled:

Rabbi Notices Something STRANGE About CEO’s Reaction To Getting Caught Cheating!

The one presented by Rabbi Taylor is titled:

Rabbi Notices Something UNUSUAL About The CEO Affair Saga NO ONE Else Noticed

Everybody is noticing things that others don't. But, with all due respect, I don’t think there was anything really strange about the CEO’s reaction and I don’t think nobody else noticed what Rabbi Taylor noticed. Rabbi Goldstein certainly did. But I did notice something that nobody else noticed. And that is the date.

When exactly was this concert in Boston?

Well, it happened on Wednesday night, July 16, 2025. But we are all Jewish, so in our language it happened on אור ליום חמישי לפרשת פנחס, כ"א תמוז, תשפ"ה – Fifth night of the portion of Pinchas, 21 Tamuz, 5785.

Come again? Which Torah portion?

Pinchas. Or, more accurately, between Parshat Balak and Parshat Pinchas.

And what, precisely, happened on this Wednesday eve between Parshat Balak and Parshat Pinchas?

Yes, indeed. Andy (Zimri) Byron, the Nasi Beis Av of Astronomer (Ovdei Kochavim u’Mazalos), Inc., was caught canoodling in public with Kristin (Kazbi) Cabot-Tzur, Chief of People for all the Midianites and other human resources in Astronomer.

And who caught them?

Chris (Pinchas) Martin. And they were immediately skewered and roasted by this zealous kanaoi. 

And now, Zimri Byron and Kazbi Cabot will be condemned to eternal damnation – or, at least, Internetal damnation – while Pinchas Martin (who I had never heard of) is catapulted into everlasting fame.

Timing is everything.

Do you think this timing is a coincidence? I don’t. Almost always, there is a noticeable connection between a major event to the weekly parsha. And, as minor as this incident is, it is playing like a major event.

So, as usual, this non-coincidence is telling us that none of this is a coincidence. The camera didn’t have to spot this couple, but it did. And the couple could have had the presence of mind to “play it cool”. I believe that a couple caught and broadcast by the “Kiss-cam” is supposed to kiss. If they would have just done that, probably nobody would have been the wiser. But, caught off guard, they panicked and played guilty.

And it happened now, in Parshat Pinchas, so that we should notice this “coincidence”. As if the story of Zimri and Kazbi came alive. It is to teach us that if you act like Zimri and Kazbi in public, you never know who may want to cold-play Pinchas. 

And you can lose everything like these two did. The lesson of adultery is that for a fleeting moment of “olam habah”, one can lose all of their “olam hazeh”. Certainly, this is one of the main lessons of this event. Adultery destroys lives, and can do so very suddenly.

Another concept that came “alive” is the quaint concept that after 120 years we will need to make a din v’cheshbon and face up to it. When I was a kid, my mentors depicted it as that one’s whole life will be displayed on a screen like a movie in a theater and the seats will be filled with souls of people – friends and foes – who will be shown your every deed and thought.

That was scary enough. But, somehow, when you think of it as a big bright Jumbotron which may actually have multiple screens in an immense stadium and a malach with a headset microphone strolling through the center expressing cynical, yet truthful, commentary, it brings the concept to a whole new level.

And the next lesson is that many of us don’t need to wait until 120 years to get exposed. 

רבי יוחנן בן ברוקה אומר: כל המחלל שם שמים בסתר - נפרעין ממנו בגלוי. אחד שוגג, ואחד מזיד בחילול השם.

Says Rabi Yochanan ben Baroka: One who commits a Chillul Hashem in private gets retribution in public.

Even though the concept of Kiddush Hashem and Chillul Hashem is reserved for us Jewish folks, the lesson is generic. When one is “naughty” in private, he gets his come-uppance in public. This applies to non-Jews as much as to us. Maybe even more so.

And we learn that “public" does not have to mean merely in front of a large crowd or even in the presence of a 65,000 seat stadium. It can mean in front of the whole entire [online] world!

This entire episode is meant to show us G-d’s power –

לידע להודיע ולהודע שהוא אל, הוא היוצר, הוא הבורא, הוא המבין, הוא הדיין, הוא עד, הוא בעל דין, והוא עתיד לדון.

To know, to inform and to be informed that He is the Almighty, He is the the Designer, He is the Creator, He is the Expert, He is the Judge, He is the Witness, He is the Litigant, He is destined to Judge.

So it is clearly the Hand of G-d that has turned this non-event into a worldwide front page news item. This indicates to us that G-d wants us to notice it and to learn the associated lessons, and make some adjustments.

Of course, we don’t all need to be taught these lessons. There are some of us, particularly those who do not go “online”, who already know all of this and don’t need to be reminded. But for the rest of us hedyotot (idiots), this event was a G-dsend. 

It is for this reason that I must respectfully disagree with a good friend of mine (actually a relative through marriage), Rav Itamar Frankenthal, in his article on Aish.com.

The premise of his article is that human dignity is sacrosanct for all humans. I am in full agreement with this. He also maintains that the Internet has become today’s Roman Colosseum wherein people are destroyed for the entertainment of others. Not only do I fully agree with this myself, but I have written as such in many previous posts.

But none of these are chiddushim. The chiddush that he wants to make is that merely by following a news item, a person is automatically part of the lynch mob. Just clicking on a headline is like adding “oxygen” to a fire and anyone who follows the item is “an arsonist”.

I think he is being way too extreme. I also think that when one wants to mussar the masses in this manner, it is best to choose worthy test models from whom to make his case.

If I understand him correctly, he is saying that anyone who passes a burning building and stops to look at it is an arsonist. Just by looking at it, he has added another can of gasoline. Of course, it’s a good idea to call the fire department if nobody did so already, but the best thing is just to ignore it and move on. Otherwise, you are making it worse.

It's hard to agree with this. It's hard to call one an arsonist if the building is already on fire and it's hard to call someone a murderer if the victim is already dead. the Torah says: שלם ישלם המעביר את הבערה - pay, he must pay, he who ignited the fire.

Who pays?

The one who ignited the fire. And if one burns his own building, there is no other mazik but him to do the paying.

 

Normally, when a building is burning there is a crowd standing around watching what is going on. Should they all be arrested? 

Yet, watching a building burn that is not yours can be a catalyst to make some overdue precautions. An onlooker may be inspired to install smoke detectors in his house or to recheck his electric wiring. He may be inspired to upgrade his insurance or to settle his affairs with the Italian “bill collectors" who have hearts of stone and knuckles of brass. He may have been aware all the time that he needs to implement these measures but neglected them, and this event was necessary to bring home the urgency and shock him out of complacency.

This message was conveyed by both the Chabad influencers, Rabbis Goldstein and Taylor, and it is known as the Besht’s hashgacha pratis. Even ultra-liberal Rahm Emanuel told us, “Never let a crisis go to waste”. It doesn’t mean that anybody needs to create the crisis, nor to exacerbate it. But one can, and should, learn from it and make the most of it.

Of course, a compassionate person must sympathize with another’s misfortune and help them overcome their loss. But I don’t think this applies to when a person sets their own house on fire which is what “Zimri” and “Kazbi” did.

Now, if your intent on clicking on a news item is to join the lynch mob, which seems to be the case of Rav Itamar's second example, he is absolutely correct. But, again, it’s no chiddush to preach to fellow Jews not to be part of the lynch mob. On this note, his reference to Tamar as not wanting to shame Yehuda was pertinent to the discussion, but once again, it’s old news.

Yet, it indeed teaches us that there needs to be a balance between observing another’s misfortune for what it can teach us and overdoing it. And this may be what he really means. But this lesson is not taught from Yehuda and Tamar but rather by the Torah law that all people who are executed in Beis Din by stoning should be hung in public. This law is what immediately follows the case of the Ben Sorer – recalcitrant son – which concludes with an order of:

 ובערת הרע מקרבך וכל ישראל ישמעו ויראו.

And you must destroy the evil from your midst and all of Israel shall hear it and see it.

HKBH wants all of the Jews (apparently, even the pious chareidi ones) to witness what happens to one who misbehaves and ignores warnings from Beis Din. This is the most effective way to destroy the evil from our midst. 

Then the Torah continues that anyone who is put to death [by stoning] should have their corpse hung up for display. No doubt, this is a tremendous disgrace for the deceased sinner, but HKBH orders it for the good of the nation. Nevertheless, this display is very short lived. The body must be taken down by sundown. Any indignity beyond what is needed to accomplish the goal is forbidden.

Zimri and Kazbi acted in public and brought on a deadly plague. The only way to stop the plague was to kill them in public so that everyone can be an eyewitness to the type of behavior that HKBH despises.

Nothing does the trick like seeing it all up in lights on the big Jumbotron screen. 

Yeshuas Hashem K'Heref Ayin - Only G-d Can Fight City Hall

 

When HKBH performs personal miracles, it is a mitzvah to publicize them. This is especially after a difficult ordeal and after much supplication – tefillos, Tehillim, segulos, Kosel, Kivrei Tzadikim, tzedakah, brachos from live Tzadikim, you name it. My miracle happened, so I have come to publicize it. 

I don’t want to overdramatize. Baruch Hashem, it was not a health issue. There was never any threat of to life or limb. Nor was it a social issue like machlokes or shalom bayis, Ch”V. It was purely financial. But money makes the world go round and a neis is a neis. It still needs to be talked about, especially when one is trying to pick my pockets for money that isn’t there and isn’t letting go.

The difficult part lasted 3 ½ months. Then came the miracle. I will never know what remedial action(s) tipped the scale but, when it happened, it happened faster than I could have hoped. When we say “Yeshuos Hashem K’Heref Ayin” (the salvation of G-d can take place in the blink of an eye), it is no exaggeration.

The only thing is that, as of this writing, the ordeal has not been fully resolved. It is like when Haman was suddenly hanged at the darkest hour. It was our first geulah, but this did not yet totally nullify the harsh decree and resolve our problem. Likewise, I got the “demise” of Haman which, [co]incidentally, may have occurred on his actual yahrtzeit, but I still need to nullify the main problem. I hope this happens just as fast.

The Back Story

The story is that I am having an ongoing feud with the Jerusalem municipality, the Iriya, regarding property tax payments, arnona. I am blessed with a large family, and accordingly, I managed to acquire a larger than average apartment. I have been financially strapped for quite some time, partly due to being unemployed (that’ll do it for anyone), and amplified by having to maintain a large family and a larger than average apartment.

The Iriya has a system to give discounts on arnona for financially strapped residents, to which I have duly qualified over the past ten years. These discounts, by default, only apply to the first 100 square meters of the dwelling. It doesn’t matter how many family members live in the apartment to get the discount for the first 100 sq. meters but on-hand family size does play a role to determine if you meet the threshold for low income. The more family members that actually live in the apartment, the higher the threshold for low income since it is calculated per person.

Now, there is a strange arnona rule that has no basis in logic: One cannot get a discount in a larger-than-average apartment (more than 160 sq. Meters), even if they are legitimately financially strapped, unless one has a way larger than average family.

As I wrote before, I happen to have a way larger than average family and so I have this larger than average size apartment. And I am legitimately financially strapped. From my perspective, there is no reason not to receive the discount on the first 100 sq. meters. Not only that, but I have successfully applied and received the discount year after year since about 2013 (I bought this large apartment in 2012 when I really needed it). 

The value of the discount over the past few years was between 11,000-12,000 NIS. This inches up every year because it is a percentage of the base arnona price, which is raised every year. 

This arrangement was going well up to and including 2022. Throughout these years, several family members married and/or moved out but they are still my kids. Remember that for an average size apartment, for the first 100 meters, it makes no difference how many people are actually living in the apartment.

The Initial Tremors

Unexpectedly, in 2023, the Iriya decided to reject my application for a discount. Their one-line excuse was that the apartment is over 160 sq. meters. This is strange because it was the same size the year before and likewise ever since we bought it.

I immediately called an acquaintance who has connections and he advised me to contact Aryeh King. Aryeh King put me in touch with an official I will call Meir. I had several extended WhatsApp chats with Meir. Meir indicated the he filed on my behalf a request to the Hanacha Dept. for a review. He later said that he got feedback that my rejection was a mistake and it was now rectified. Except… that there is some malfunction with the Iriya computer system so it won’t show right away.

Based on this information, I coasted along waiting for an updated message from the Iriya. Several times when I contacted them, I was told that there is a technical problem with their computerized system and the matter is still “under evaluation”. Until that point, I had paid the Iryiya more than half of the projected discounted price. But when I heard that the system is broken and that my status is in limbo, I stopped any further payments. I didn’t want to sink money into a non-functional system.

I spent the rest of 2023 and the beginning of 2024 just waiting to receive an updated accounting, but it never happened. Sometime in March 2024, I applied again for the discount for the new year. Nowadays, this must be done every year. I figured that this year I would not have trouble getting the discount since the message from Meir was that the previous year was all a mistake, just that it wasn’t processed. I expected it to get processed now for both years. Throughout this time, I wasn’t paying.

In April 2024, I received an official rejection for the discount citing the same excuse. I again contacted Meir and he filed on my behalf a request for a review. I awaited a response and the matter simmered for almost six months until Nov. 2024. I then received another rejection, but this time, they fine-tuned their excuse. They wrote that the apartment is beyond 160 sq. meters and that the extended amount of family members that are required are not all living in the apartment.

The stipulation that all the family members need to be living in the apartment did not make any sense to me for several reasons. I will not elaborate on them, but in a nutshell, it is illogical, unrealistic and discriminatory. The discriminatory issue is the most important one. I wanted to challenge it.

All this time, I had still not submitted any further payments. I had also received notices from the Iriya about being delinquent in payments, but all this time, I was trying to resolve the discount issue so I could not comply with payment.

I promptly contacted Meir who was back from miluim but not at his office. He suggested that I go down physically to the Iriya. About two weeks later I asked Meir to provide me with the exact text of the arnona regulations. He didn’t do it. I then contacted the Iriya directly to send me the exact text of the regulations to confirm the unrealistic stipulation. I received it about Dec. 11, 2024. It says that a larger than average apartment must be in the possession of a family with a certain minimum of family members (quite a number) but it did not say that they all need to be living there. As I said, such a thing would be unreasonable and discriminatory.

About one week later I went personally to the Iriya and I showed them the regulations and told them it does not say that all the family members need to be living there. They very firmly told me that this is what it means. I told them it cannot mean that, and they said, well, it does. 

I asked them how can I submit a request to a formal appeal in front of a neutral panel or court? Their answer was to go online and submit a request to a destination called “Pniyot Hatzibur” (Inquiries of the Public). I said that I already did that and the system only allows me to file directly to the Hanacha Dept. The woman said, “No, there is an option for only Pniyot Hatzibur that is not the Hanacha Dept.”

I went home and accessed the website and saw an almost hidden link to Pniyot Hatzibur. I wrote my case and explained why I should qualify for the discount by having the required large family and that the language of the law does not indicate that all the family members need to be living in the apartment. At the end of this statement, I wrote that if the Iriya does not agree with me, I insist on the matter going to a neutral panel (or a judge in court, if necessary).

On Dec. 18, the Iriya acknowledged my inquiry and gave it Inquiry #2412-6476074. They said they will respond within 21 business days (i.e., a month). At some point in this timeline I told my wife that the Iriya is being obstinate but they haven’t cracked down on me for payment. The only way I can sue them in a court for the discount is as a response to being prosecuted. Until they crack down on me, there is nothing I can do. 

The Earthquake

Well, on Dec. 30, which is after I formally requested a third-party appeal and before I received a response to my inquiry, the Iriya cracked down. They declared a lien on my assets and froze my Israeli bank accounts. I didn’t know it until a few days later when I tried to do some banking. The banks told me I was under Ikul (a lien on the accounts). This came from the banks but not from the Iriya. I finally did receive a notice from the Iriya in the mail a few weeks later. 

As to be expected, the amount of the lien was the full amount that the Iriya wanted for the two years plus penalties for lateness. It was for a bit over NIS 41,000. My calculation was that from the discounted price minus the amount I initially paid in, I should be owing approximately NIS 17,000. Our discrepancy in dispute for these two years is now at about NIS 24,000. I already applied for the discount for 2025 and am waiting to see the results. Assuming that there is no change, the discrepancy jumps another NIS 12,000.

It's not just that it is NIS 36,000 that I prefer not to part with, it is NIS 36,000 that I don’t have. Period. The only moral way to get it would be to sponge off generous relatives for a long-term unsecured loan or a handout. I really don’t want to go that route. I don’t want to take anybody’s money for expenses that I don’t believe are legitimate in the first place.

An Ikul is a total nightmare and causes total paralysis. I certainly did not want this Ikul, but still it was the move I needed to enable me to fight City Hall. I felt that not only am I in the right about the discount, but that, from the perspective of the Iriya, the Ikul is totally illegal. This is because the discrepancy money is officially under dispute. In a civil society, money that is under dispute cannot be collected by enforcement until the debt is confirmed by a court. 

On Jan. 14, 2025, I wrote a new inquiry complaining that the Ikul is illegal since I previously requested a neutral appeal. This was sent as an inquiry to the Rosh HaIr (mayor). I received a confirmation that my inquiry is registered in the Collections Dept. as Inquiry #2501-6586443.

On Jan. 20, I received a response from the Hanacha Dept. which officially addressed Inquiry #2501-6586443. The Iriya doubled down on its position and wrote (emphasis mine – YH):

Further to the Discounts Department's response dated January 19, 2025, we would like to clarify once again that according to the State Economy Arrangements Regulations, 1993, an apartment with an area of over 160 square meters will not be granted a discount unless the property is occupied by a family with X or more children. The meaning of the word "occupied" in the context of your request for a discount is that the X number of children "occupy" the property, meaning that they physically reside in the property, and not that the family has X children.

Although they are obstinate, their letter actually helps my position. Here they are clearly admitting that the law does not say outright that all the children of the family must live there. This is merely the “meaning” or their interpretation. They call this “the context”. They also did not bring any other clauses from the law nor any logical arguments that support their interpretation. 

In the course of all this, my Google searches discovered that there is indeed an official system to demand a neutral appeal panel on an Arnona issue. In order to access the appeal panel, one must first file an “Objection” (Hasagah). This objection is assigned a reference number. If the objection is overruled, one can file for an appeal hearing but he must reference the Hasagah number.

I tried to file a Hasagah, but in the online system, they display a few limited choices for grounds for the Hasagah. Some examples are that you want to contest the registered size of the property or that you want to claim that you are not the party responsible for paying the arnona. The option to contest a rejection for a Hanacha was not on the list and there was no option for “None of the above” or “Other”. 

Well, I thought I would fudge it and choose the option for “Size of Property” and just type in my arguments for getting the discount in free text in the box that requests your case in free text. So I did.

Within 24 hours I received a reply from the Iriya which said that I am not eligible to file a Hasagah for my case because this is not one of the topics that is eligible for a Hasagah. Go figure! I did not even get a number and, as such, I was blocked from filing for an appeal.

This was it. The gloves are off. I can no longer work with the Iriya so I am forced to work against them. Not my choice.

My Course of Action

On the spiritual side of things, I enlisted HKBH. I added something in Shemona Esreh and took on Chapter 35 in Tehillim. I also implemented the Rabi Matya ben Charash segulah and maybe some others, Kivrei Tzaddikim including a kvittel to Reb Shayele in Kerestir, consultation with an Admor, a few of my last shekels to Tzedaka and, of course, the Kosel. In addition, my wife, who is the real tzadeikes, did her part as well. I also suddenly remembered that it’s been a while since I checked my tefillin. They were fine.

On the down-to-earth side of things, I consulted several lawyers. First, I spoke with some that I was friends with to get free advice. Most said they are not familiar with these types of cases. Yet, some “knew people” at the Iriya. Nothing came of it. I also contacted an organization dedicated to helping English speaking olim and residents navigate the Israeli bureaucracy called Chaim V’Chessed. They had no real advice for me. They couldn’t even point me to a suitable lawyer for this. 

Then, I looked up some lawyers that I did not know, but who seemed to deal in these types of matters. Most of them wished me luck but were not optimistic. Nobody argued my stance that there is ill logic and discrimination in the way the Iriya reads the law, but they said that the courts would probably accept their position regardless. I did find one lawyer who would take the case for about NIS 15,000 plus VAT. Others wouldn’t take it at all.

I thought it was worthwhile to pay this lawyer and fight the case, but I needed financing for this. Ironically, some generous relatives who were willing to put up some money to help me pay off the Iriya were not willing to give me anything for a lawyer. They also thought I don’t stand a chance in court and that the money would go to waste. 

I thought that caving to the Iriya is a bigger waste of money. I feel that (a) I am on the moral high ground, (b) the chances of winning are always not less than 50/50 – either I’ll win the case, or I won’t, (c) in case I do win the case, I can expect to be compensated for legal expenses, (d) as I wrote above, I enlisted HKBH.

First Miracle

There is a Jewish saying that I have genuinely come to appreciate: Don’t tell HKBH how big your problems are. Instead, tell your problems how big HKBH is.

After about six weeks of trying to find a decent lawyer and then trying to find the money for him, and coming up empty on the money side, I tried a bold move. I applied to the legal system for legal aid (free representation). I was not very optimistic about succeeding in this venture but, BE”H, succeed I did.

I was approved for legal aid and, I suppose based on my personal information, I was assigned to a chareidi lawyer who happens to live right in my neighborhood. I will call him Shimon. Legal aid means that I now have a lawyer to help me fight the case in court and it won’t cost me a nickel. Not only that, but the Israeli government is paying my lawyer to fight the Iryia (city government)!

Needless to say, I was very encouraged by the miraculous nature of this first development. I saw it as a sign from HKBH that something will work out. Shimon, on the other hand, was not very excited. He was in no way enthusiastic about my case. Like the others, he didn’t think I stood much of a chance. He also wasn’t certain that working on a case like mine is covered by the legal aid system. He also said that he does not have much expertise in this field and wanted to try to pass my case off to somebody else. He did everything to brush me off and all this ate up more precious time while suffering the Ikul.

A real team player.

I was spurred on by the fact that I had gotten this far with legal aid and was not about to give up or let Shimon off the hook. Truth be told, he is a very nice person. So, while he was trying to discourage me, he did not really want to let me down. He explained that the only way to file a complaint in court is to the Machozi (District Court). The lower courts do not handle this. The other lawyers told me this as well. Then Shimon told me that there is a procedure. The Machozi will not hear a case if it hasn’t already gone to the Municipal Appeal panel. 

I told him, “Been there, done that. They already blocked me with the Hasagah and I have their letter to prove it.”

“This is because you went through the online digital system. You need to go directly to the Appeal Panel.”

“Huh?? Go directly to the appeal panel? How do I do this?”

“Either you email them straight or hand deliver your complaint.”

“Fine, how do I do this?”

“I’ll get back to you.”

It took about two weeks of constant reminders. But, at long last, he emailed me a simple email address: vaadotarar@jerusalem.muni.il. 

Is that it? Why did that take so long?

It didn’t take me 24 hours to compose the text of the complaint. All I needed to do was to spruce up the language of the previous inquiries. I checked it with the lawyer and I polished the Hebrew with the assistance of one of my kids and out it went. At the close of the email to the Vaad, I wrote in red text to please confirm the receipt of this inquiry. All this took until April 3, 2025. Just a bit more than a week before Pesach.

The Second Miracle – The Big One

At this point, it helps to recap the dispute. The Iriya maintains that I must pay the full arnona price for the years 2023-24. Their calculation, including penalties, was upwards of NIS 41,000. As such, they placed a lien on my assets for that amount. I maintain that I qualify for the discounts which should put the unpaid amount at about NIS 17,000. As such there is no dispute over the lower amount, so a lien for that amount would be justified, but not for more. The discrepancy is about NIS 24,000 (USD $6,700).

Throughout this ordeal, I never dreamt that I could ever get out of the lien without paying out at least the non-disputed amount. Such would be totally unrealistic. I only think I should not be paying more than that. But HKBH is gracious and can do the unrealistic.

After I sent out the email with the complaint to the Appeal Committee, I had no idea what to expect. At worst, I might be totally ignored or receive a letter that I am not entitled to such an appeal. Then I would need to go to court.

On a more reasonable level, I expected to at least get a confirmation from the Iriya about the complaint and that they are “looking into it”. Perhaps, it would come with an invitation to a hearing on some designated futuristic date. 

On the optimistic side of the spectrum was the remote possibility that I would receive a notice that the Appeals Committee considered my arguments written in the complaint and will grant me the discounts even without a hearing. Of course, even in such a rosy scenario, at best, the lien would be lowered to the non-disputed amount which will need to be paid or secured. And I thought that all this would take weeks, maybe months.

None of these happened. What did happen?

Firstly, between April 3 and the commencement of Pesach (April 12) I did not receive any response from the Appeal Committee whatsoever. Not a grumble. Then, on the first day of Chol Hamoed Pesach, which in Israel is Nissan 16 (April 14), which I believe is the date when Haman went swinging, I received an SMS text from one of the two affected banks. The text read as follows:

Shalom. For your information, the lien in your name applied by the Iriya of Jerusalem Arnona dept. for case #xxxx and motion #xxxx has been cancelled. The cancellation relates to the lien that was assessed on 12/30/2024 for the amount of NIS 41,771.66. Be advised, if there are no other liens, all the restrictions that apply will be removed. Always at your service, Bank X.

What on earth? On Chol Hamoed?

But so it was. The lien was gone. No court case, no appeals hearing, not a penny to a lawyer and not even any arrangement for payment of the non-disputed amount. Gone!

I immediately tried to execute an electronic transfer which was a restricted action until now. I succeeded. I did not receive any notice from the other bank, but I checked my online account and, likewise, all the restrictions were off. Just like that.

On Chol Hamoed! The yahrtzeit of Haman Harasha!

What precisely happened at the Iriya? Was it my unacknowledged complaint? Was it received? Was it seen? Did it strike a chord? With whom? Why should it, all of a sudden? Was it not that but something else?

How is it that over all these months (years?), not a single person told me that I have a recourse to file a complaint with the city Appeal Committee? Not Meir who was assisting me, nor any other city official, nor anybody from the Chaim V’Chessed organization, and not any of several lawyers? Even Shimon only came up with it after weeks of wrangling. And he didn’t even write up or file the complaint, I did. It doesn’t even need a lawyer!

This could only be the Hand of G-d.

Like most religious Israeli residents, I try always to get to the Kosel on one of the days of Chol Hamoed. When I did it this year, I made sure to say Nishmas Kol Chai.

What now?

So, this is the story of my great miracle from HKBH. But there is more to come.

I remarked at the beginning of this post that the issue has not come any closer to being resolved. The lien is off and, for now, that’s it. The second day after Pesach ended, I contacted Shimon to tell him the good news and to ask his opinion on what to do next. He wished me Mazal Tov and told me, just as I expected, to just sit tight and wait and let the Iriya make the next move. It is now the first week of May and just over a full month from when I sent my complaint. I am still waiting.

So I hope this all comes to a happy ending and I have every reason to be optimistic. I don’t believe that HKBH wants His miracles to go to waste.

הודו לה' כי טוב, כי לעולם חסדו. 

לעושה נפלאות גדולות לבדו, כי לעולם חסדו.

Project Emesh 7 - Involuntary Arbitration

 

Author's note - Please see the previous Project Emesh post HERE as a preface for this one.

In our previous post, we listed several instruments of civil court litigation which are not a standard part of secular arbitration such as appeals, discovery and grounding the ruling. These legal tools were instituted in litigation in order to help reach fair and just outcomes. So, the looming question is: why would anybody prefer arbitration over court litigation when faced with the choice?

I can think of several reasons which apply to secular arbitration but may not apply as much to Batei Din. They are:

Speed – Arbitration is usually much quicker. Often times, years quicker. As they say, time is money. The sides want to resolve their problem and move on.

Cost – as indicated in the last post, if it helps cut out lawyers’ services, it can be much less expensive. The only reason it may cost more is they need to pay high rates for the arbitration itself. But even this expense comes with a silver lining because the sides who are paying the arbitrator have a certain amount of joint leverage to get him to move along. After all, unlike a judge, they are covering his bills. He is working for them.

Selectivity – In litigation, one cannot choose the judge or decide on a panel of judges. In arbitration, the sides jointly choose how many arbitrators and who they are. This is crucially important when there is a disparity between the litigants such as race, religion, gender, or any other orientation (liberal vs. conservative). If one side is black and one white or male vs. female (or white male vs. black female) and there is only one judge, it can make a whale of a difference what kind of person is the judge. 

Judges can have reputations in terms of being experienced, fair, just, unbiased or not and so can arbitrators. Hence, arbitrators can be chosen to match the interests of the sides. When the sides have conflicting interests, they can customize a panel where one arbitrator may lean to the orientations of one side and another to the second and a third tie breaker. 

No intimidation – Although arbitrators have some potent legal powers by laws of arbitration, such as to subpoena witnesses, they do not have legal authority of enforcement. They cannot dictate when the sessions will take place if they are inconvenient to the sides, and they cannot put litigants in “contempt of court” for disobeying them and levy fines or throw anybody in jail. As such, the litigants will not feel intimidated by the arbitrators. 

Better odds for each side – As we noted, the arbitrator is not basing his ruling [exclusively] on [the letter of] the law, but more on logic and fair play. Firstly, this is the reason why there is less of a need for lawyers. Additionally, a side that does not have the law squarely in his corner has reason to hope for a better result than he will get in court.

Customization – Remember how I noted that arbitration does not have some of the standard legal tools that we get in court? Well, they may not be standard, but they can all be implemented. Arbitration agreements can be drawn up to include all or some of these tools. The sides can agree to have a third-party appeal system and/or discovery, summations, detailed rulings, just like in court. They are paying for this arbitration, so they call the shots. If an arbitrator doesn’t like to work this way, the sides can shop around for other ones. In general, most private arbitrators, who need to pay their own mortgages, will not be fussy about these things. As such, this list of drawbacks to arbitration are not really drawbacks. All the tools are available.

So, we can look at this list as reasons why litigants may prefer arbitration over court when faced with the choice. This is very effective when both sides recognize the validity of the dispute, and their goal is to get it resolved. 

Of course, this is not always the case. Litigants are usually not very good friends and sometimes they are downright hostile. In that case, the dispute will probably go straight to court. After all, taking the case to court is the default course of action. Arbitration is an alternative. Thus, in most cases of secular arbitration, arbitration is jointly accepted by the sides because it better serves their individual interests.

To throw in one more upside, since the arbitration is agreed by both sides, it is more likely that the loser will freely comply with the ruling and there won’t be a need to turn to the courts for enforcement.

Sadly, Dinei Torah are not as “rosy”. The sides are not going to arbitration because they prefer to. In fact, one or both sides may prefer the old Choshen Mishpat style Dinei Torah or even secular court. In today’s world they are forced into arbitration. Because of this, many of the advantages listed above don’t apply as much or at all. 

Here is how they line up:

Speed – There is no arguing that a Din Torah will be light years faster than going to court in reaching a ruling, so this advantage holds. BUT…this only applies to the ruling. Remember what I just said about litigants being hostile. Most Dinei Torah are not based on mutual consent. A nitva is never interested to go to Beis Din.

So, if the ruling is in the nitva’s favor and he doesn’t have to pay anything, that will end it all quickly. But if he needs to pay money or return the merchandise or revise his building plans, he may not be so eager to comply. The case may need to go to court to be enforced and can get set back for a while. If a toveah knows he is dealing with a potentially recalcitrant opponent, a Din Torah may make things go slower than if he went straight to court.

Cost – This one usually applies. The standard Batei Din are usually supported by Kehillos or organizations which subsidize the system. Devoted dayanim work for very low pay or none at all. This is one area where there is not much to complain about in the Beis Din system.

Selectivity – All dayanim are Jewish males, so if you are a Jewish male, there won’t be much conflict. However, a Chassidish Beis Din may not work like a Litvish Beis Din and a Religious Zionist Beis Din not like a Chareidi Beis Din and if you are not Lubavitch you probably won’t want a Lubavitcher Beis Din, especially if your opponent is Lubavitch. 

In a Din Torah, the toveah (claimant) is the injured party and the one who wants the Din Torah. The nitva (defendant) couldn't care less. Unfortunately, the toveah doesn’t get to pick the Beis Din. The toveah can open the case in any Beis Din that he feels comfortable at, but the nitva can move it anywhere else. Also, if the toveah and nitva do not live in the same location, the toveah needs to go to where the nitva is. 

This is a long discussion that will probably warrant a complete post. 

Another thing, choosing a Beis Din does not mean there is any flexibility to choose any specific dayanim (if there are more than just three on the roster).

So, although there may be some control, it is very limited. 

Now, there happens to be a way around this problem, but it isn’t simple. I am sure many readers heard about a Zabl"a Beis Din. I wrote about it about half a year ago in this post (HERE). 

A Zabl"a Beis Din personifies the exact system I outlined in secular arbitration where the two sides build a panel of arbitrators and each litigant chooses one for himself. Although this does carries all the inherent advantages, it also carries a lot of issues. Here is what I wrote last May:

Although the Zabl"a procedure is still available today, it is very rarely used. A Zabl"a court is not so practical to set up since it involves a lot of time and bickering between the two sides. It can only work when both sides agree to go to Beis Din and this doesn’t usually happen until after the nitva receives a summons from an established Beis Din. Secondly, a makeshift Beis Din is usually not equipped with a mazkir or safra d’dayana or any staff or equipment or even a place to hold court. Thirdly, Zabl”a dayanim generally charge good money for their time and effort and they become prohibitively expensive.

Intimidation – As I wrote above, the salaries of the dayanim, if there is any, is usually subsidized by outside sources. As such, the dayanim are in no way beholden to the litigants. An arbitrator is not a judge, but a dayan is always a dayan. A dayan is a Halachic judge even if he is, in effect, doing arbitration. He has the Halachic authority of a dayan and all the powers given by Shulchan Aruch. Any directive or sanctions that a dayan (or BD) imposes is valid. Technically, a dayan – or, for sure, a Beis Din – can impose a nidui or cherem on a recalcitrant baal din. (Baruch Hashem, this is not done today. It's too daunting for all those involved.)This is no game. Dayanim can be very intimidating.

Odds for Each Side – We will see in future posts that in a Beis Din, the chips are generally stacked in favor of the nitva. It is hard for a toveah to win a case in Beis Din. I can tell you this firsthand. I think a toveah will get a better shake in a secular court.

Customization – In essence, this is what I am fighting for in Project Emesh. As it stands, all Batei Din have their standard arbitration agreements which are universally devoid of any special tools or protections of the litigants. No allowances for appeals, summations, discovery, grounded rulings, expenses or anything. And they are not interested in making changes. They don’t even want you to read it up front.

If you fight for some of these things you may get them, but it will probably be a “fight”. One of the goals of Project Emesh is to make these tools more standard and available.

Sof davar, assuming there was a choice whether or not to take your dispute to Beis Din, Beis Din won’t always look like the better deal. We may even uncover more reasons for this in upcoming posts. This isn’t how it used to be, but this is the way it is today. So, the question comes up: 

What if I prefer secular court over Beis Din? What if both of us prefer secular court over Beis Din? Do I really have to go to Beis Din?

We will deal with this in the near future, IYH.