Thursday, December 21, 2017

Nes Rubashkin - The Real Story


Yesterday was a great day for Klal Yisroel. Most of us do not know that the news media is only telling us a fraction of the story. I found out from anonymous reliable sources that this wasn’t stam and that there was a lot that happened within the previous 24 hours that we weren’t told. I got the full scoop and so here I give you the actual story of R. Sholom Rubashkin’s miraculous release:


And it was, at the end of eight years of days, and PharTrump was dreaming and behold he was standing on the Iowa side of the Mississippi. And behold, from the river arose seven glatt kosher beef cattle of pleasant appearance and prime on the rib and they grazed in Postville. And behold another seven treifeh beef cattle arose after them from the river, of poor appearance and short on the rib and they stood next to the first cattle on the bank of the river. And the treifeh beef cattle that were poor in appearance and thin of flanken devoured the seven kosher cattle that were pleasant of appearance and hearty, and PharTrump awoke.

And it was in the morning and his spirit was troubled, and he Twittered and he summoned all his spin doctors and all his wise men and son in law and he told them over his dream and none could interpret it for PharTrump.  Then his bartender Papadopoulos spoke up and said, “I must acknowledge my sins today. Before PharTrump blew his top at me, I was hanging around Otisville to check it out in case things went South, me and Steve Bannon. There we met a Hebrew National from Iowa who was an [acquitted] slave[holder] known as the Chief of the Slaughterers. He said he was in because Linda R. Reade, the wife of his master PETAfar, Chief [anti] Executioner for Phara-Oh Bama the Last, had it in for him. We asked him what’s in store for us and he pulled out a book called Igros Kodesh and told us to stick a paper in any page. We did that and he checked the pages and said I would get busted and Steve would get canned. And it was as he predicted so it came to be, I was busted and Steve was hung out to dry.”

And PharTrump sent for and summoned Sholom and they hurried him out of the slammer. He refused to shave but he changed his clothes and he came before PharTrump.


זה היום עשה ה' נגילה ונשמחה בו!


Mazel Tov to Reb Sholom Mordechai Rubashkin, LOY”T and to all of Klal Yisroel. I am certain that this day of Zos Chanuka will be forever remembered by the Chabad Chassidim and made into a day of great gathering and rejoicing because this is what the Chabadniks always do to celebrate when one of theirs gets out of jail, especially if it’s in Kislev (okay, it was Teves).
I think we can all see the Yad Hashem and understand that sometimes what looks like a disaster is truly a yeshuah. We were all shocked and dismayed when we saw the unruly behavior of the court and the harshness of the charges and the sentence. We were all lamenting that it is way beyond reason.
But I think this very makka turned out to be the refuah because if Judge Reade would have been more practical and handed down a 10 or 15 year sentence, perhaps there would be no pressure to review the case and Reb Sholom would still be there. It is only because the sentence was so harsh and over the top that so many lawmakers and politicians were up in arms that facilitated this early release.

מה רבו מעשיך ה'.

4 comments:

yaak said...

Well done.יישר כחך.

Yechezkel said...

Thank you. I have made a few changes since the initial version. I would be grateful if you included it in your links.

Good Shabbos

Neshama said...

Thank you, this was intelligently conceived and quite amusing.

bina starck said...

Thanks for the bedtime story