The following is the insert that we put into our Mishloach Manos for Purim 5776. A Freilichin Purim!
Yechezkel and Family
Megillas Estheroid
According to many opinions, this is the time of [3600] year[s] that we should be reading Megillas Estheroid. This Megillah was discovered very recently and translated from the Sumerian cuneiform by HaKofer Harav Zecharia Sitchin, Alav Hacheshbon, also known as the Chozeh Kochavim M’Lundin and the mechaber sefer Planet Shteim Esreh – Mi Yodeah. (Also the inventor of the “Sitchin Comet-T”).
According to Reb Zecharia, A”H, there is an additional
planet in the solar system which he calls the 12th planet with about
seven moons. He says that the ancient Sumerians called it “Niburu”. Others call
it “Planet X” in reference to the tenth planet (after Pluto) and some call it
Planet IX (Nine) since Pluto was downgraded from a planet to a Disney cartoon character.
Even others call it Planet 7X (just to be different, I guess). Some call it the
“Dark star”. Some call it a star, some call it a planet, some call it a comet
and some call it an asteroid. Whatever it is, this heavenly body is supposed to
have a mass ten times that of planet Earth.
It supposed to be just now circling the sun and is right
next to it which makes it all but impossible to see with the naked eye. It doesn’t
come out at night.
This planet does not orbit in a circle like the rest of
the planets but rather in an elliptical (egg shaped) orbit and it takes about
3600 years to pass near our planet Earth. The Orbital ring is full of asteroids
and meteors and also leaves a trail of breath mints.
When it does pass near Earth, its tremendous
gravitational pull will cause havoc on Earth. There will be heightened seismic
and volcanic activity (earthquakes and eruptions), polar shifts and meltdowns
which will raise the sea levels and tsunamis. Not the best time to vacation in Hawaii!
It is also predicted that when this “Dark star” passes
between the Earth and the sun, it will cause a prolonged eclipse with EMP
failures that will put us in a state of darkness (Makkas Choshech) and purify us
from the Internet. Some say this will last three days, some say 2 weeks and the
Zohar says 40 days. Have plenty of extra candles around!
Finally we will have the privilege of viewing a
magnificent meteor shower which will knock most of world – and the Azrieli
towers - to smithereens. Put on your 3-D glasses!
This may all sound like science fiction except that there
are references in no less than four places in the Zohar to a great star – with seven
moons - that will come and cause wars and darkness! This will be HKBH’s
instrument to seek vengeance upon the wicked of the Earth. The Zohar repeatedly
references the pasuk stated by Bilaam in his Acharis Hayamim prophecy: דרך כוכב מיעקב – a great star will set a
path from Yaakov – וקם שבט מישראל – a rod will arise from
Yisroel. This is taken as a reference to what we call a כוכב שביט - a
Comet!
Hence, many want to claim that Niburu was also the
instrument to bring about the Great Flood (warning! - this is a X-tian source) in its previous orbit – although that
was closer to 4100 years ago. This may explain why the Dor Haflaga tried to
claim that after every set time interval – they claimed it was 1656 years – the
sky collapses and destroys the Earth. Maybe they were only half-wrong!
There are also many references to this in Megillas Estheroid.
For instance:
·
Nobody can really see
it with the naked eye (yet). It is hidden – הסתיר אסתיר.
·
Nobody knows its real
name or nationality.
·
Queen Estheroid says:
לך כנוס את כל
היהודים... וצומו עלי ואל יאכלו ואל ישתו שלשה ימים. This is a clear reference to the advice
of the autistics who say that when this planet comes, all the Jews should go
into their houses and lock themselves up for the three days (or two weeks)
until it passes and do teshuva and daven to HKBH to be saved. If you don’t
stock up some food you will definitely have to fast for three days and nights!
·
ונוח בארבעה עשר – A clear
reference that this happened as well in the time of Noach!
·
וישם המלך ... מס על הארץ ואיי הים – This means that the planet will have a
tremendous mass that will cause earthquakes on land and tsunamis
in the sea.
·
And finally –
Mordechai is called
מור דרור which
has a targum of מרי דכי . The second word דכ"י stands for דרך כוכב מ-יעקב!
When is all this supposed to happen? In the end of days!
According to our autistic brethren and Rav Michael Glazerson,
this is sometime in 5776. According op Reb Zecharia, A”H, the Earth should
begin to cross the Orbital path of Niburu starting on March 26, 2016.
That’s tomorrow (gulp)!
So, in order that we should be prepared for this momentous
event, the Hirshman family has prepared for you a sumptuous Mishloach Manos that
is out of this world. It contains:
·
A miniature rocket
powered by solar grape juice (Bottle of Grape juice)
·
A bright orange clementine
sun – with real sun spots! (Tangerine)
·
A miniature (candy)
comet – Kochav Shavit (Lollipop)
·
Dark Star cookies
(Cookies)
·
Moon-cakes (Cupcakes with candy stras on it)
·
The Orbit trail of
breath mints (Orbit Breath Mints)
·
Star-kissed tsunami
salad (Starkist Tuna Salad)
·
A detailed map of the
solar system (A napkin with stars, planets and spaceships on it)
·
Igerret HaKochav with
some of the fascinating references from the Navi and Zohar.
May we all be zocheh to see the Ohr Haganuz, בב"א.
ליהודים היתה אורה ושמחה וששון ויקר.
א פרייליכען פורים
3 comments:
It probably won't happen. And what elaborate and mystical reason or apologetic will you give then?
I like how you say "our autistic brethren" like there's an us and a them.
>>I like how you say "our autistic brethren" like there's an us and a them.<<
Some autistics that "speak" through FC are Jewish and some are not. Those who are Jewish are our "brethren" and those who are not Jewish are not.
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