Friends in High Places

אדם דואג על איבוד דמיו ואינו דואג על איבוד ימיו.

דמיו אינם עוזרים וימיו אינם חוזרים.

A man is concerned about losing a dime, but he is not concerned about passage of time 

None of his money will come to his aid, and a day that has passed cannot be replayed.

We all know that there are things that money can’t buy. It can’t buy us more time in this world, it can’t buy us genuine love or happiness or intelligence. And it can’t buy us genuine friends. 

When I was a kid, I used to watch the old Batman and Robin program. In one episode, the villain (the Riddler) is announcing his plan for a sudden [ill-gotten] acquisition of wealth. Batman attempts to give him mussar: “Money won’t buy you friends, Riddler!” The Riddler shot back a cynical look and said with a laugh, “If one has money, who needs friends?!”

For things money can buy, one may not need friends. But for things that money cannot buy, a friend in need is a friend indeed. When we set out to the next world, we know “we can’t take it with us”. We definitely will not be able to buy favorable accommodations. Of course, the spiritual credits and debits that we accrued in this world are going to be calculated, but we will be in a strange and perhaps, hostile place. It certainly helps to have some friends.

Who might our friends be?

The gemara in Eruvin 19a tells us that the Jewish sinners have a bit of proteksia over the non-Jewish ones on the day of reckoning. It quotes a statement from Reish Lakish that:

The fire of Gehinnom does not dominate over the Jewish sinners. This is learned from the golden mizbeach…If so, how are we to understand עובר בעמק הבכא  – those who transverse the “Valley of Tears” (Gehinnom)? This is for one who, at that moment, was sentenced to Gehinnom, whereupon Avrohom Avinu comes and pulls him out and receives him, with the exception of a son of Israel who had relations with a non-Jewish woman because his foreskin is stretched out and he (Avrohom Avinu) cannot recognize that he is Jewish.

So, our first friend (or, last friend, for those who will have no one else and reaches this “level”) will be Avrohom Avinu. Even if one has a whole portfolio of misdeeds, if he did not cross this line of misusing his “foreskin”, he will have one powerful defense attorney.

Of course, people who don’t want to rely on Avrohom Avinu can make sure to spend a Rosh Hashannah in Uman so that Rabi Nachman can pull him out of Gehinnom by his peyos. Still, it seems that in order to merit the intervention of Rabi Nachman, one needs to visit his kever. In other words, one needs to make friends with him. A friend needs to be earned.

Not every “friend” needs to be a prominent tzaddik (but it helps). Here is a first-hand account of a fellow named Nir who claims to have undergone a near-death experience.

(If you cannot see the embedded video, it can be seen HERE.)

Nir was a secular Jew at the time so he didn’t dress like this then. He says that for the most part, he did not have many “mitzvos” on his record and he was ready to take the dive. But then things changed. (Starting about 24:15).

Firstly, his deceased grandmother was able to summon the intervention of the Ben Ish Chai. Very good man to have in your corner. But the Ben Ish Chai wasn’t able to do it on his own. He was able to help Nir gather up a few well-earned “friends”. Friends that he did not know he has.

It seems that on one occasion, Nir and his cousin went to a cemetery in Israel to visit their grandfather’s kever. He brought along some water to rinse the kever from the accumulation of dust. While he did this, he noticed there were a number of other graves that has a substantial buildup of dust and clearly there was nobody to look after these graves. So he used the rest of his water to rinse a few other graves.

After this, he made a routine on Erev Rosh Hashannah and Erev Yom Kippur to go to some cemeteries and rinse neglected graves. At one place, he noticed two old graves of little children who never even had a matzeiva put there. Just a marker, for years. He decided to collect money for matzeivos for these two sisters. When he put in the matzeivos, he gathered ten men to make a “gilui matzeiva” (unveiling) and say kaddish.

The Ben Ish Chai escorted Nir from one world to the next to gather up the souls of those people whose graves he cleaned and, claims Nir, they waged a mighty war against the malachei chabala that wanted to bring him down. Nir says (about 41:00) that he still didn’t know where he was headed until these two sisters showed up and shouted on his behalf with shouts that shook “all of the worlds”. At this stage, the Ben Ish Chai got “clearance” to send Nir back to this world so that he can do teshuva.

Nir is living happily ever after.

We learn that one way of making “friends” is to do chessed. Chessed is one thing that one can do with money! And anyone who benefits from one’s chessed will be a friend for life and beyond. Incidentally, I have a hunch that the less you really know who your friends are, the better friends they will be when you need their help.

There is yet another way to make good long-lasting friends. And, very powerful friends, at that.

Over the past few weeks, people have been circulating the story of Rav Avraham Moshe Keller, ZT”L. The story was carried by Yeshiva World News and you can read the entire story HERE.

To condense the story, Rav Avrohom Moshe Keller grew up in Argentina when there were no Yeshivos there. There was a dedicated Jew named Rav Zeev Greenberg who helped educate young Jews. Upon reaching bar-mitzvah, Rav Greenberg gave the young Avraham Moshe a copy of Kitzur Shulchan Aruch and told his to let this sefer be his guide.

Avraham Moshe did just that and studied the Kitzur Shulchan Aruch cover to cover again and again for the rest of his life and faithfully followed the Halachos. He lived a life of Torah observance and raised a family in Argentina. Finally, three years ago, aged 79, he was zocheh to make aliya to Eretz Yisroel. Sadly, around Pesach time, at the height of the initial wave of Covid-19, Rav Keller, now 82, contracted the virus and succumbed.

The levaya was to be held at 1:00 am at a time of Corona curfew. Only family members could attend the levaya and, of those, some could not go to the kever because they are kohanim. After the hespedim in Shamgar there were only nine men who were available to go to Har HaZeisim including the Chevra Kadisha folks.

Suddenly a distinguished Jew about 70 years old appeared and claimed to be a relative and insisted on going along to the kevura. None of the family members knew who he was and they even told him he was making a mistake. He insisted that he is related, and he climbed into the car of a grandson-in-law. He participated in the kevura and took the same car back. At some point, the grandson-in-law asked him his name and his only answer was “Gantzfried”.

After they dropped him off at Shamgar he vanished. The grandson-in-law asked another relative who this “Gantzfried” relative is and the response of the relative was one of shock. They had no such relative. But “Gantzfried” (Shlomo) is the name of the author of Kitzur Shulchan Aruch – the sefer that Rav Keller studied and obeyed his entire adult life.

The story indicates that by learning Kitzur Shulchan Aruch and keeping it close to him, Rav Keller made a very special friend. Such a friend that he was willing to make a very, very long journey to be a “tzenter” (tenth man) at the kevura. This, at a time when a “tzenter” was very hard to come by.

Now we can say that Rav Keller, ZT”L had an extraordinary relationship with Rav Shlomo Gantzfried, ZT”L and for this he merited an extraordinary visit but I suspect that when it comes to the next world, even a more casual relationship will count. When the Day of Judgement comes (lo aleinu), the “prosecution” is going to call all their witnesses. The defense team is also going to want witnesses, and the more the better.

Those of us who have Torah in our lives, should be able to expect a full gallery of defense witnesses. Aside from the points that we get for the activity of studying Torah, we will also have quite a few advocates. And who will they be?

For starters, we get all the founding fathers.

We all learn Mishnayos. Certainly, we learn Mishnayos as a part of learning gemara and many of us learn Mishnayos by themselves or for the zechus of a niftar. And if we don’t do it now, we certainly did it in day school, cheder and summer camp. And who hasn’t learned Pirkei Avos many times over?

So, in the box seats, we’ll have all the Tanaim. The zugos, Hillel and Shammai, Rabi Eliezer ben Hyrkanus and Rabi Yehoshua, Rabi Akiva and Rabi Yishmael, Rabi Meir, Rabi Yehuda, Rabi Yosi, Rabi Shimon ben Yochai, Rabban Gamliel and Rebbi, Ben Azai, Ben Zoma, Ben Heh-Heh, Ben Bag-Bag, Ben Nannus, the whole lot. They will all be there to tell the Beis Din that you studied their words. Oh, and don’t forget Rav Ovadiah from Bartenura and/or Rav Kehati. They’ll be there, too.

In the next section there will be Rabi Yochanan and Reish Lakish, Rav and Shmuel, Rabba and Rav Yosef, Rav Huna, Rav Nachman, and Rav Chisda, Abaye and Rava, Rav Pappa and all his ten sons, and Ravina and Rav Ashi and hundreds more. If this fellow learned anything close to the way I learn, these Amoraim will dutifully report how many times their opinions were mentioned in his sleep! (I don’t mean at night.)

Now come the grandstands. And who will be sitting in the front row at the 50-yard line?

Well, from our early years we start to learn Chumash and the primary teacher of Chumash is Rabban Shel Israel – Rashi! And after Chumash, we learn gemara and there he is again – Rashi. Pasuk after pasuk and daf after daf, Rashi is the first authority we consult. Do you think he doesn’t appreciate it? Do you think he is going to just sit by and watch you (or me) get pummeled in the Beis Din Shel Maala?

Of course not. He is going to speak up. “This fellow learned this amount of Chumash and these many blatt of gemara and he always checked out what I had to say. I will not allow him to get a bad rap!”

If we learn Chumash with Ramban or other meforshim, they will all be there to put in a good word. For those of us who are “marbeh sidra” with Targum, there is no question we will meet Unkelos the Ger.

If we learn gemara with Tosefos, well, here comes Rabenu Tam and the Rivam, R”i, Ritzba, Rashbam along with plenty others who are not so common. If you learn b’iyun and learn Rishonim – Rif, Rosh, Ran, Rabenu Yona, Nemukei Yosef, Ramban, Rashba, Ritva, Tosefos Rid, Meiri…they’ll all be there. If you consulted them frequently, they will yell louder but even if you only looked them up once or twice, they will take their turn on the stand.

Do you look up the Maharsha, Maharam, Maharshal, Pnei Yehoshuah and the like? Check out a Ketzos and Nesivos? Birkas Shmuel, Chazon Ish, Kovetz Shiurim, Rav Shimon Shkop? Did you do it 20 years ago in Yeshiva? It won’t be forgotten.

Learn Rambam and Shulchan Aruch? With the Rema (of course)? Check out the Shach, Taz Magen Avraham? No? Do you ever learn Mishna Berura? So, right there you have the Mechaber, Rema and the Chofetz Chaim not to mention all of the authorities that the Mishna Berura quotes!

These are just the big players. There are certainly scores of Rishonim and Achronim and Poskim that we only learn on occasion or when we hear a shiur. We didn’t even know who they were when we heard their chiddushim but they’ll all be there in your corner.

How about if you learn Daf Yomi? I suppose we can expect an appearance from HRHG Meir Shapiro ZT”L. The Chofetz Chaim stood up for him. We can throw in all the ArtScroll editors and the entire Schottenstein family!

It may get a bit crowded up there!

To summarize, learning Shas and poskim or someone’s sefer and listening to their shiurim will certainly put these great people on your LifeBook “friend” list. But this is not where the real “money” is. It’s not where you score the biggest points.

It’s what you pass on to other folks.

It’s one thing to sit and learn. It’s another thing to get up and speak.

כל האומר דבר בשם אומרו, מביא גאולה לעולם.

When you say over Torah thoughts and chiddushim from other people in their name, you help out the entire world. Even better, you make a very close friend.

Some of us don’t have much time, patience or a “head” for learning. But it’s not so hard to look up a “vertel” in a Chumash sefer and say it over at the Shabbos table. One time it will be a Kli Yakar or an Ohr HaChaim. Next time it will be a Chizkuni or Alshich. A Meshech Chochma here and a Kol Eliyahu there. A random piece from Ma’ayana Shel Torah, a Netziv or Slutzker Rav. The Chassidim can quote Sfas Emes and Noam Elimelech and Shem M’Shmuel. Something from the Rav in your shul, a shiur you just heard, something you saw on Torah Anytime, something from those zillions of leaflets that are distributed in the shul. Things in the name of forgotten Rabbis that immigrated to America in the early 1900s and something you heard from your elter zeide or great uncle.

At a Shabbos or Yom Tov table, at a bar-mitzva, bris, sheva brachos. Or even if you write blogs and put them there. Over a lifetime, it sure adds up.

And, when it counts, they will all be there. Every single one of them. This one will say that “One time, 38 years ago, this fellow quoted a vordt I printed in my sefer…he’s not getting a bad judgement.” You won’t have any idea who he is or any recollection of when and what you said, but he won’t let it be forgotten. Of course, many of them will be able to say, “Lots of times he quoted me…” and some may even be able to say, “He used to quote my vertlach all the time…”. He can be your “Gantzfried”.

These people may be from the more recent generations. Perhaps they are not Hillel and Shammai and Abaye and Rava, but their testimony is going to be the most beneficial of all.

Why?

Because you didn’t only learn what they had to say, but you taught it, as well. You moved it on to other people. You spread it around. You gave their chiddushim life and longevity. You “reminded” HKBH about what they wrote. You raised their neshamos (assuming they are already on the other side). They will be more than happy to return the favor.

The more of these people you make friends with, the more they will fill up the Met After-Life Stadium and take the choicest seats. There won’t be much room left for anyone who is coming on the prosecution’s side. And whoever does show up will be shown to the back row of the upper balcony.

So, if you have money in this world, use it to make friends. The right kind of friends. And use it to help other people make these kinds of friends. Of course, even without money, you can still make a lot of friends. And these are not simple friends. They are friends in high places. And, it doesn’t pay to waste any time.

דמיו אינם עוזרים וימיו אינם חוזרים

Don’t be as foolish as the Riddler. Woe is to he who makes money and does not make friends.

ולא עוד, אלא שבשעת פטירתו של אדם אין מלוין לו לאדם לא כסף ולא זהב ולא אבנים טובות ומרגליות, אלא תורה ומעשים טובים בלבד, שנאמר (משלי ו כב): "בהתהלכך תנחה אותך בשכבך תשמור עליך והקיצות היא תשיחך":

"בהתהלכך תנחה אתך" – בעולם הזה;

"בשכבך תשמור עליך" – בקבר;

"והקיצות היא תשיחך" – לעולם הבא.

וכן כתוב בספר תהילים, על ידי דוד מלך ישראל: (תהלים קיט עב): "טוב לי תורת פיך מאלפי זהב וכסף".

תשובה ומעשים טובים כתריס בפני הפורעניות