Z-CoronA Mülek Airlines, RIP (Rust in Pieces)

 

This year, giving Mishloach Manos was easy. We are quite strapped for cash due to the lockdowns and economic turmoil but every cloud has a silver lining. We knew that with the airport closed and the planes grounded, there must be tons of surplus airline means that we can get dirt cheap and use them for this great mitzvah.

We contacted one supplier and he told me lots of the surplus was bought out and a lot is in the deep freeze waiting for the airlines to go back into business. However, there is one airline that seems to be totally defunct and the meals are already near the expiration date, so he can let me have those for bubkes.

I asked him which airline this is and he said it’s a lesser known European airline called Z-CoronA Mülek Airlines. Not flying anymore due to the shutdowns.

I asked if he has any Mehadrin meals available and he said he has about 40 left. So we took them off his hands, stuck our own name on them and gave them to our nearest and dearest. (We couldn’t get any further than that). Here is what they looked like:

 

When we opened them up we found the Kashrut certificate plus a short overview on the history of Z-CoronA Mülek Airlines.

This is what it said: 

About us –

Z-CoronA Mülek Airlines started out as a private family-owned airline founded by the brilliant entrepreneur and pioneer inventor Wilbur (Eliphaz) Radical-Wright and his half-brother – and son – Orville (Reuel). This was a transportation upgrade from the family mule business.

Our main competitor was Ananei HaCovid Airlines. All the Hebrews liked to fly Ananei HaCovid. Of course, we wanted the Hebrew business(es), but it was hard to reach out to their clientele. Our big break came when a large group of Hebrews were traveling back to Israel from Cairo. Ananei HaCovid announced that they would only accept passengers who were vaccinated. Those who refused to vaccinate, were rejected by Ananei HaCovid.

Z-CoronA Mülek Airlines jumped right into the pot to pick up the slack[ers]. We were there and waiting and picked up all the stranded passengers. No vaccinations required, although we had our own alternative treatment. It was sad that so many did not make it through the trip, but we tried our best.

Many generations later, a family grandson and aviation enthusiast Howard (Haman) Hughes-Less, rose to leadership at Z-CoronA Mülek Airlines. He bought out other struggling airlines such as Air Shushan and Madi-Air. He appointed his own sons as corporate executives and thus formed an Ag[r]agate.

Z-CoronA Mülek Airlines served as the national airline of the Persian Empire up until 516 BC. We flew to 127 countries and were renowned for accommodating the desires of each and every man. We used only the newest state-of-the-art aircraft and achieved a then unheard-of flying altitude of 50 cubits. CEO Haman Hughes-Less also built some magnificent wooden hangars for his plan[e]s at Koresh International Airport.

Unfortunately, in 516 BC we encountered unexpected turbulence. The Emperor’s first wife was flying back home from a celebration and got caught in heavy tail winds. What's worse, we lost her luggage and she had absolutely nothing to wear. She filed a complaint with customer service. The CEO, unaware of her exalted status, unwisely suggested that she never fly our airline again. Around the same time, a disgruntled customer who only flew Ananei HaCovid Airlines convinced the Emperor not to trust us. As a result, we were slapped with an anti-trust suit.

This occurred during a horrible plandemic when many countries declared a moratorium on air travel. The travel restrictions, the anti-trust suit, and the fake news forced us into bankruptcy. The airline was liquidated, the planes were sold for scrap and the CEO and the other company executives lost their homes and took up permanent residence in the wooden hangars.

Sadly, Z-CoronA Mülek Airlines isn’t flying right now. It’s just a memory.  And we’re stuck with a lot of unused Kosher meals that we can’t get rid of. Enjoy!

Z-CoronA Mülek Airlines – The Best in Aviation from Z to A

Next time you are banned from the Ananei HaCovid, don’t get wiped out! – Remember us!

Have a great after-Purim and a Chag Kasher V’Sameach