Interlude to the Four Horsemen - Permanent Solutions to Temporary Problems

 

There is a well-known saying about suicide – Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Even though it may not always be true that the “problem” is temporary, it certainly is most of the time. But the main message, which is certainly true, is that the “solution” is permanent, meaning, irreversible. If it is, R”L, successful, it can’t be undone. No way, no how. Irreversible solutions are never to be implemented except when there is absolutely, positively no alternative whatsoever.

There are other events in life which are irreversible even if they aren’t so absolute. The best example is medical procedures such as amputations, removal of organs, or dental extractions. In some cases, the missing “part” can be replaced by a prosthetic one, but it is never the same. Of course, things like abortions, lobotomies and “gender reassignment” are totally irreversible. And let’s not forget tattoos.

There are events that can be terminated or “undone” but the effects of the event are permanently inflicted and can never be erased. I am specifically referring to marriage which can be undone through divorce or even divorce that can be reversed with a new marriage or remarriage. Every marriage ends, either in death or divorce. But neither death nor divorce can destroy the marriage that existed until then. It will always remain and, in this light, anyone who is ever married to another is always married to them at some level. An “ex”-spouse is an actual spouse that just happens to have an “ex” in front. And, needless to say, when there are children.

You may notice that all the above is referring to self-inflicted man-made events. This is because self-inflicted events are, more or less, within the control of the one affected. When one makes a choice, we hope it will be an intelligent and wise one. As a rule, people act in their own best interests.

Yet, it goes without saying that what one does to another works on the same scale of permanence. Homicide is as permanent as suicide and can also be described as a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but it isn’t permanent to the perpetrator. One can also permanently injure or cripple another person. Even if it’s not as absolute as death, it may be just as irreversible. And an injury that results in severe damage such as loss of limb, paralysis, blindness, deafness, or brain damage can put a living person out of commission as if he or she is dead.

We know that the gemara in Avoda Zara 5a tells us that when a person is “out of commission”, he is as good as dead. The gemara tells us:

Four people are considered as if dead – A poor person, a blind person, a leper, and one who has no offspring.

I do not believe that this list is exclusive. These four examples are listed because each one has a direct reference in Tanach. But the gemara in several places, specifically Bava Kamma 85b, makes the status of a deaf person even more severe than a blind person. Likewise, it just makes sense to say that just like a leper is repulsed and barred from social intercourse, anyone who is repulsed and barred from social intercourse is as good as dead.

And this will certainly include someone who is incarcerated in prison.

In August 2017, I devoted a full featured post to educating my readers about the realities of prison. After a lengthy analysis, this is what I concluded:

One thing we know for sure is that a prison is not a healthy place for a human being. For one who doesn’t qualify as a “human being” it doesn’t much matter. But for one who does, and primarily for one who is Jewish, and more so, one who officially observes Torah and Mitzvos, it is deadly. Firstly, it is a very dangerous place where one is exposed to violent and promiscuous people with no adequate means of defense. Secondly, it takes a tremendous toll on one’s self esteem and emotional and psychological well-being. Suicide, R"L, is not uncommon. Thirdly, and as a consequence of the previous, one is vulnerable to depression and the associated lowering of immune defenses and to contracting all kinds of deadly illnesses. So, for just about anybody, prison literally shortens one’s life.

 

And for an observant Jew in a non-Jewish prison, there is no real chance of being able to keep Torah and mitzvohs, proper Kashrus, Shabbos observance, Yom Tov, tefillin, and even saying brachos causes problems. No way to maintain a family life, tznius or family purity (if somehow applicable). And of course, there are countless other spiritual challenges to boot.

Chazal also tell us directly that being in prison is called a life-threatening situation and they learn it from Dovid Hamelech. They tell us (Brachos 54b):

Says Rav Yehuda in the name of Rav - There are four who are obligated in “thanks” (either a korban Toda or to bless the gomel): (1) One who traveled on the sea (2) one who traveled through a desert (3) a sick person who recovered and (4) one who was released from incarceration. From where do we derive this? From the words of Tehillim chapter 107.

The common denominator of these four scenarios is that the individual emerged alive from a life-threatening situation (see Rashi s.v. צריכין להודות). In all these cases, the dangers are so rampant that the individual must consider himself fortunate to be alive. It tells us that, all too frequently, these adventures do not culminate in a happy ending. And when they don’t, the “damage” is irreversible.

But, even when one is released from prison, there is an indelible mark. In many ways, it’s just a prolonged death. Some say prison is a lot like marriage and others say that marriage is a lot like prison. Both of them always end either in death or divorce/release. Even when they are terminated before death, the effects are permanent. Always.

Certainly, for the duration of time that one is in prison, he or she is "out of commission" and is as socially dead as a leper.

As such, I concluded my discussion about prison life thusly:

All told, prison is no place for a Jew. Not for any kind of Jew.

 

Sof davar, barring a situation of pikuach nefesh to other Jews, there is no justification for allowing, and certainly for facilitating, the incarceration of a Jew into a non-Jewish prison. Prison life literally physically shortens the life of an inmate and prevents them from living as a Jew.

 

Anybody who causes a Jew to spend time in a non-Jewish prison (again, where there is no pikuach nefesh to anybody else) will have to answer for every lost minute of life, every lost mitzvah, and every forced transgression. Rationalizations such as punishment for past crimes or the quest for “justice for the victims” and "closure" will not do the trick.

 

We Jews live by the adage of ואהבת לרעך כמוך – Love your fellow as yourself, and, as Hillel said, מאי דסנאי לך לחברך לא תעביד – What you detest, do not do to your peer.

We decry suicide, which is an option of dealing with one’s own problems, as being (pardon the pun) overkill. A permanent solution to a temporary problem. Most of the time. In all cases, the damage is irreversible. When we look for solutions of problems caused to us by other Jews, we need to apply the same standards. We need to determine if we are dealing with a temporary problem or a permanent one. And we need to be responsible enough not to apply permanent solutions to temporary problems and not to inflict needless irreversible damage.

Incidentally, this isn't just my opinion. So says HRHG Rav Moshe Feinstein, ZTL, in Igros Moshe Orach Chaim 5 Siman 9. And before him this is found in Chofetz Chaim Hilchos Lashon Hara 10:2 condition 7 (see Beer Mayim Chayim 12).

From this it emerges that anybody who actively (or even vocally) strives to put somebody in prison is cruel and vindictive and a student of Bilaam HaRasha. There is no other way to put it.

This is something to take very seriously because our Torah tells us (Shmos 22:5) – שלם ישלם המבעיר את הבעירה.

The one who lights the fire, pays for the damage.

The Four Horsemen of the Kol Koreh Apocalypse – Intro and Part 1

Author’s note – If you are not up to date on this topic, please see my previous posts. May 4, 2022 click HERE. July 29, 2022 click HERE.

 

 

I have come to discuss the Four Horsemen of the Kol Koreh Apocalypse, but first, let’s summarize in a nutshell what we learned in the previous posts.

911 vs. Reporting to the Police

We learned that calling 911 is not the same as filing a complaint at the Police or Child Protective Services.

911 is a dispatch service for emergency responders. When one calls 911, they are not interested in the names of the victims or perpetrators. (Of course, they are interested in the name of the caller for follow-up purposes, but this is incidental.) They are only interested in two things: What is happening and where is it happening.

Nothing else.

Not only is it imperative to call 911 when a dangerous event is in progress, but it doesn’t even approach the parsha of mesira. As a matter of course, the caller is not identifying the perpetrator or the victim. Certainly, the caller could say that this person is being assaulted by their spouse or parent or sibling or such, but the identities of either side is not important at this point. The purpose is to contain the emergency. Nobody is being turned in for prosecution or punishment. The caller, if it isn’t the actual victim, may need to make a statement afterward and possibly testify much later on, but they are not enmeshing themselves into this event.

Let’s refer to something like this as a “911 situation”.

Calling 911 is done from your location and usually does not take up more than two minutes of your time.

Filing a police report or other social services is the polar opposite. One files a police report when there is no event currently in progress. The events already occurred. There is no “crime scene” to investigate. The entire purpose of filing a complaint is to initiate legal proceedings against another person. The complainant, who is usually the victim or guardian of the victim (in truth, the complainant must only be either the victim, the guardian, or an eyewitness – only one of those three has the authority to press charges), must be identified and have their details attached to the case. Of course, the complainee must also be positively named and identified.

As such, the two sides will be inextricably bound to each other throughout the prosecution process and probably beyond.  

Mesira - When it Applies and When it Doesn't

In addition, we know that reporting a Jewish person to non-Jewish authorities for legal proceedings is the classic definition of mesira. This is one of the gravest transgressions a person can commit, and it is an offshoot of malshinus which includes Lashon Hara and all that goes with it.

There may be a few other transgressions that come with it such as לא תענה ברעיך עד שקר if any details aren’t true and לא יקום עד אחד באיש if there is no one else to corroborate the complaint. These may be not as grave.

Now, we all know that malshinus may be permissible under certain conditions. Moreover, when the Shulchan Aruch discusses the gravity of mesira in Ch”M 388, it tells us two exceptions (three, actually, but only two apply to criminal activity). These would be:

• A rodef – assault in progress or a 911 situation
  
  
• Meitzar ess harabim – Public menace who is expected to continue doing harm if not apprehended.

The second of these exceptions would address the cases of diehard "professional" offenders who are married with families and, as such, have no excuse to be promiscuous, who have been at least partially exposed, and who still look outside to prey on vulnerable people. They know they are being watched and are unrepentant.

In my opinion, the cases of Yehuda Meshi-Zahav, Chaim Walder, and a not-as-famous offender in England who I will call Teddy meet this definition. All of whom were middle aged people with families who were accused of fooling around. There were earlier accusations and complaints to Rabbanim against them, and they still continued their shenanigans.

Malka Leifer does not meet this definition for at least three reasons. I will discuss this at length as one of the Four Horsemen.

Meitzar ess harabim, in this context, means a clear and present danger even if it is not a 911 situation – an event in progress. This explains why it is certainly permissible to file a police report or CPS report in order to obtain a legitimate order of protection (which usually requires a court appearance or at least a court order, by the way). However, to file a police report just for the purpose of administering “justice”, which inevitably means secular non-Jewish justice, has no authorization in the laws of mesira.

Practical Issues

Aside from the Halachic hazards of filing a police report, there are quite a few practical ones. One, as I wrote earlier, is that it will generate an inextricable bond between the victim and the alleged offender for no short amount of time, if not forever. Secondly, I noted in my previous post that the very action of filing a police report is tedious and harrowing.

I wrote not to expect it to take less than three hours “total” of your time. This is what I meant. Let's suppose that the closest police station is usually between a 15 minute to half hour drive from your house. Of course, it could be sometimes less and sometimes more. I heard that in Lakewood, it can take a half hour to drive a half mile. So figure in driving time to and from.

Once you get there, depending on how many folks are on duty and how busy they are, and in full knowledge that your complaint is not a tremendous emergency to them, they may keep you waiting for hours doing nothing. Worse, they may tell you to come back another time. How about that?

When they finally talk to you, you will need to fill out forms and sign your name and you will be grilled for details. It may take ten minutes, it may take two hours. And, who has to press charges?

The victim. Especially if the victim is over 14. If there is a living and healthy victim, they must get a statement from the victim or they have no case. If the victim is really a little child, a parent or guardian can file the complaint but if the parent is not an eyewitness and cannot give any precise details (especially about when did an offense occur), there will probably also be no grounds for a case. Even if the parent or guardian files a complaint, as long as the victim is old enough to talk, they will be questioned. They have to be. This may mean the police telling a parent, “Come in next Tuesday at 3:00 and be sure to bring the kid."

All told, to file a complaint is typically a multi-hour family outing. Pack a lunch. And if a young lady wants to go in on by herself, she’ll need nerves of steel or she’ll fall apart.

Summary

Once we know all of this, it is difficult to see what toelles there is in this broad scoped Kol Koreh. It only makes sense to be applicable Halachically in a situation of rodef – a 911 situation, or meitzar ess harabim – for protection. In a practical sense, it is hardly applicable at all.

Don’t blame me. These are the messages that we were getting from such notable poskim as Rabbi Doniel Neustadt and Rabbi G.

Rabbi Neustadt originally refused to sign this Kol Koreh because it only makes sense for 911 situations, and this is seldom the case. This is why he said, “It is not happening right now.” He meant that, most often, it is not a 911 situation.

I will venture a guess that the reason he changed his mind in 2022, is in the wake of the Walder and Meshi-Zahav debacles, and he felt it was worthwhile to endorse it for the meitzar ess harabim cases. I object because, if it was focused primarily on these situations, the wording should need to reflect that. It is way too broad-scoped.

It is also the message we got from Rabbi G. who is also a noted posek of the same caliber (and is approximately the same age) as Rav Neustadt. Rabbi G.’s statement indicates that he did not sign it because it is not practically applicable. “Try getting an emotionally injured young Jewish lady to speak to the goyish police.”

To summarize it all, the issue of molestation is being presented as a widespread social pandemic. Out of desperation, some of our leaders are looking for a miracle "vaccine". This Kol Koreh is deceptively trying to tell us that to “promptly notify the secular law enforcement” is always the best course of action. It’s our “vaccine”.

Alas, as I wrote about a recent medical pandemic, for a vaccine to be recommended, it is imperative to pass these three tests:

• Is it effective?
  
  
• Is it safe?
  
  
• Is it necessary? – i.e., are there no alternative courses of treatment that may be simpler, less invasive, less expensive and just as effective (or even more effective)?
  
  

With regard to the medical pandemic, all the research that I have done has led me to conclude that the available vaccines fail miserably in all three tests. At best, each individual needs to consult with their medical caregiver to determine if the benefits outweigh the risks in his or her case.

Regarding this current social pandemic, I must likewise say that I have conducted a lot of research and I have published my findings. Here, as well, many, many situations do not stand up to the test of being safe (in the best interest of the alleged victim), effective, or necessary. Actually, from what professionals such as R’ Zvi Gluck from Amudim and R’ Yehoshua Berman of Maaneh have told us, I believe it is the majority of cases.

The Four Horsemen

To illustrate where this “vaccine” can do more harm than good, I compiled a group of scenarios that I am calling the Four Horsemen of the Kol Koreh Apocalypse. They are:

1. The case of Amudim’s PSA video, “Shattered”.
   
   
2. The case of Harav Ratzon Arussi’s media ambush
   
   
3. The case of Malka Leifer
   
   
4. The case of the Mother in Pain (Jewish Press)
   
   

 

Due to the unforeseen lengthiness of this introduction, I don’t think it’s a good idea to squeeze all four cases into this post. I will just discuss the first one now and leave the others for a future post (maybe more than one).

 

Horseman 1 - Shattered (Amudim)

Amudim looks to be an upstanding and dedicated Jewish organization that specializes in crisis intervention and case management. From their website, it looks like they deal with all types of traumatic situations including domestic abuse, substance abuse, other addictions, depression, eating disorders, self-harm, mental health issues, and of course, sexual abuse. It is gratifying to see this comprehensive list – as opposed to some other organizations that are only interested in sexual abuse – because, so often, many of these issues overlap and it requires a multi-faceted team to be able to see the entire picture. Clearly, their goal is to help individual people deal with their problems. They are not interested in “changing the world” and saving it from wicked people. They seem to understand that “wicked” people are created by the same G-d who created the righteous ones – for whatever reasons. We need to coexist with them.

In the course of their outstanding work, they have produced a number of short PSA videos. They are all very professional and very powerful. The purpose of their videos is to encourage people in crisis to get help and to reach out to them. This is so the people can get help for themselves. They do not outwardly encourage anybody to “get involved” and to “take care” of evil-doers and to go to the police.

One of their keynote PSA videos, and the one that focuses on victims of sexual abuse is Shattered.

Shattered portrays what seems like a normal well-adjusted frum family. Two loving parents a bunch of daughters and a single son who looks to be about 15 or 16 years old.

The false tranquility of the home is represented by a sumptuous Shabbos table. As the video progresses, we notice that the teenage brother is getting much too close to his little sister. The father seems to be totally oblivious, but the mother is acutely aware of what is going on. Part of her may be in denial but the other part isn’t. She loves all her children and doesn’t want to throw the family into turmoil – i.e., disturb the Shabbos table - so she is totally at a loss of what to do. In the meantime, all she does is sweep it all under the rug. Kind of hoping that it will all just go away. But the rug is right under the Shabbos table and the pile gets higher and higher until the Shabbos table tips over. All the nice dishes and glasses slide on to the floor and shatter.

Interestingly, in this scenario, we see not only the victim but the perpetrator. And the perpetrator is a young person who is very close to the victim. He is also very close to the parents who are supposed to protect the victim. The father is oblivious and the mother is caught in a maternal bind. She loves the victim and she loves the perpetrator. She doesn’t know how to protect the victim, whom she loves dearly, without hurting the perpetrator, whom she loves just as dearly. She feels torn and powerless.

Clearly, the last thing she would want is to report the perpetrator to law enforcement. This would not solve her problem. It would not even solve the victim’s problem, for although it may put an end to the molestation, it would still put her in the epicenter of a family tragedy which will afflict her just the same. Also, “civil authorities” may, on their own, decide to involve Child Protective Services who may remove from the home not only the perpetrator, but also the victim. Thus, the mother could potentially lose two children. And the victim will be traumatized even more.

Amudim is certainly not broadcasting a message is to call “civil authorities” as Reb Dovid J. Nyer, HRHG Shmuel Feurst, Rav Shraga Feivel Zimmerman and numerous others are erroneously urging us to do. Their message is to call Amudim.

This ought to be rather obvious and the only kaf zechus I can give to Rav Feurst and the other Rabbanim is that they would say, “Of course, we weren’t talking about this kind of a case. We were talking about a normal case of an unrelated molester.”

Aside from the fact that this Kol Koreh makes no such distinctions, it is worthwhile to watch the Shattered video to the very, very end. After the curtain falls (as does the Shabbos table), at about 4:25, the video tells us some facts. “93% of child sexual abuse victims know their abuser. Most often the abuser is someone who is close to the victim, and someone the victim trusts.”

Yes, these can also include unrelated people like a teacher, principle or a counselor, but the implication is that even these are the minority of the 93%. Moreover, Rabbi Zvi Gluck said so expressly on his Halacha Headlines interview.

These cases are the “normal”. And if the aim of the Kol Koreh is to reduce sexual abuse but is not targeting the majority of “normal” cases, what is it going to accomplish? And if it aims to include even these kinds of cases, it is utterly outrageous and counterproductive.

The point is that this Kol Koreh is not applicable to abuse cases within a nuclear family. And this is a great portion if not even the majority of cases (and I still have 3 more horsemen to go). But, the question looms: Is it ever not an inter-family case? Like, aren’t we all related? 

There is a bit of a mashal (fable) in this clip. Molesters are not islands. As Dr. Michael Salamon says in his upcoming documentary The Hidden Truth, “Molesters are in the same house, molesters exist everywhere…” They are part of us. They are our neighbors in the community and they are family. Sometimes in the figurative Biblical sense and sometimes very literally.

Do you want to turn in your own flesh and blood, your mother or father, grandparent, son or daughter, brother or sister, to the secular police? Is this going to solve your issues?

Yes, indeed, there may be very extreme situations where there is no other alternative. But would anybody do such a thing if there is any other alternative?

And if this person is not directly related to you, isn’t he or she still some kind of a distant blood relative? (My sister just showed me how Geni displayed how her husband is related to Olivia Newton-John who just passed away). Shouldn’t we be just as torn?

I think this is how any Jew with a collective sense of ahavas Yisroel should feel. I am utterly horrified how many Jews, even “chareidi” ones, don’t feel this way.

Moreover, when this matter comes to the Rav of the community who is responsible for the welfare of everyone in the community, how is he supposed to react? If he is type of person he should be, he will feel a lot like the mother in this video clip.

Fact is, I wrote about this in my Estardition post as far back as Sept. 2008. That’s almost 14 years ago. Here is what I wrote then:

The key problem is that "doing something" all too often comes at a price. And for anything that has a price, people need to do cost/benefit analyses. Exposing and punishing the offender almost always comes with collateral damage. The prime subjects are the perpetrator’s immediate family who may be enduring tremendous turmoil even without public exposure and they certainly do not need, nor deserve any more. Moreover, there are the victims themselves who stand to lose from public exposure. And in the ugliest cases, the offenders and the victims are related to each other. The Rabbanim are responsible for everyone. In many cases, for every person pressuring the Rav to “take action’ there are 10 people pressing the Rav to keep quiet.

Before I close on this case, I want to bring up a point that I have previously said again and again and again.

We are dealing with a teenage offender and a teenage offender is really a “special kinda guy”.

There are two reasons for this.

(1) I have repeatedly written that my research indicates that a fair number of molesters – perhaps the majority – are victims of molestation themselves. This is something that always needs to be investigated and taken into consideration.

(2) The second is the statement that I quoted from Rabbi Yehoshua Berman in my oft-quoted 3 Ps post of January 2017. Here is what I wrote:

I must refer to a startling statistic stated by Rav Yehoshuah Berman of Maaneh Institute in his Headlines interview with Reb Dovid Lichtenstein Nov. 19, 2016 (47:15). He stated as an unconfirmed statistic that more than 60% of sexual abusers are minors with about 50% being aged 14 or younger!

 

I always suspected something along these lines (not as drastic) but this is the first time I heard it said from the mouth of a real askan. What it says is that most sexual abusers of young children are not pedophiles nor are they even sex addicts or dysfunctional. These are youngsters who are first coming to terms with their own sexuality or may have been freshly introduced to p0rnography and have no kosher outlets to deal with their new-found lusts. This is called “acting out” and from a legal standpoint it is called “sexual impropriety”. What it says is that, for many of them, it is only a matter of maturity and the opportunity for a healthy sexual relationship to straighten them out. It means they may actually grow out of their abusiveness and are highly curable.

Clearly, we must neutralize the threat, but we must take all measures to do it without ruining this young person’s future which may be as productive as anyone else’s in the long run.

This has special significance in a case where, for instance, the perpetrator is not the brother of the victim - part of one nuclear family - but a neighbor. Perhaps, the victim’s best friend’s older brother. Here, there is no mother of both who would be torn on what to do. Most likely the mother of the victim will be screaming for blood and would love to rush to the police.

Such a step is not likely to end well, yet this dreadful Kol Koreh is telling her she is “Torah obligated” to do just that!

The result will be the case of the "Mother in Pain” which I have slated as Horseman number 4. Maybe even two Mothers in Pain.

Are all these 200 174 Rabbanim and Reb Dovid j. Nyer prepared to take responsibility for that?

 

Stay tuned.