The Enigma of the Sigma (Purim 5784)

 

Note – I recommend this related post: Divergence from the Womb

 

 

וְכׇל־עַבְדֵ֨י הַמֶּ֜לֶךְ אֲשֶׁר־בְּשַׁ֣עַר הַמֶּ֗לֶךְ כֹּרְעִ֤ים וּמִֽשְׁתַּחֲוִים֙ לְהָמָ֔ן... וּמׇ֨רְדֳּכַ֔י לֹ֥א יִכְרַ֖ע וְלֹ֥א יִֽשְׁתַּחֲוֶֽה׃

 

I am proud to call myself a DIY (Do-it-Yourself) psychologist. I even gave myself a doctorate from University of Google at Home (UGH). My thesis was on MBTI, Myers-Briggs Typology Indicator. If you are not familiar with MBTI, I urge you to look it up HERE.

I became a fan of MBTI ever since I learned about it in an honest-to-goodness psychology class that I really attended many years back. MBTI goes a long way in explaining what makes people tick and why “these” kinds of people simply cannot behave like “those” kinds of people and why we cannot expect folks who act “this way” or “that way” to ever change. It is often used by relationship counselors and therapists as a tool to help determine where couples share common ground and where and why they cannot connect on other issues and how to deal with these unchangeable conflicts.

I went so far as to write a term paper on MBTI for that class I attended in 2005. This is what I was calling my “thesis” in the opening paragraph of this post. You can see that paper and how I applied MBTI to our Avos HaKedoshim HERE.

It was very easy for me to identify myself as an “INTJ” (Introverted-Intuitive-Thinking-Judging) which makes a lot of sense because INTJs are the ones that go for this kind of thing. INTJs are the ones that need things to make sense. Their decisions are based on rational calculations and not on emotions. Because of this, we INTJs tend to come across as cold, unfeeling, non-compassionate types.

As long as we are not sociopaths, this is the furthest from the truth. We are conservatives and not liberals. We are not prone to indiscriminate or misplaced compassion like liberals or like those who have the F (Feeling) attribute are. We use our compassion sparingly. Since we are low on the F scale, we do not allow ourselves to be governed by our emotions. But we have them as much as anyone else.

Hence, I have been wearing MBTI and my personal INTJ status on my sleeve as a sort of identity card. Yep, I am a member of the “exclusive” INTJ club - for what it’s worth.

Note - There are a total of 16 MBTI combinations and each one can be considered its own “club”. INTJ is known to be among the rarer types. It is presented as the third rarest type overall (2.1%), but it is only the fifth rarest in males (4%). All this is in the worldwide population, but I believe the percentages are much different in the Torah world with a higher percentage of INTJs.

I consider this to be one of a sizable group of privileges. I believe it is a privilege to be Jewish and a privilege to be a male. I make a bracha on these two privileges every morning. It is certainly a privilege to live in Eretz Yisrael and especially in Yerushalayim. There should be a bracha for these as well. It is a privilege to be shomer Torah and mitzvos and a chareidi Jew by my definition. It is a privilege to be a husband, a father and a grandfather. It is a privilege to have good family roots (yichus) and an extended family.

These are the universal ones that almost anyone can agree with. But I have some strange ones. I also believe it is a privilege to be an INTJ and, as weird as this may sound, to be left-handed. I happen to prefer exclusivity (it’s an INTJ trait).

I thought this sums up the exclusive clubs of rare personality types, until I was introduced to…the wolf pack.

In recent years I sometimes saw the term “alpha male” associated with people like Donald Trump and Harvey Weinstein and Bill Clinton and even Bibi Netanyahu. Initially, I just assumed it meant something like a stereotypical masculine type. Well, men will be men. But something caught my eye when I saw a clip about up to 7 male types, starting with Alpha and Beta and going to Zeta. I was curious to see where I fit into this spectrum.

Before I go on, let me explain where this comes from. Apparently, in the animal kingdoms, the males of the species (and their mates) can be categorized into classes. This is primarily seen in social animals like wolves and primates that live in dens or colonies. These packs of creatures always have the leaders that take charge and bully everyone else around. These are known as Alpha. They are like the Rebbas. After that are those who protect and cater to the leaders. These are the Betas or the Gaboyim (or the distinguished Chassidim). After that are the tough enforcers that protect the whole group. These are the Deltas or the Vilde Bucharim. Lastly, we have the wimps that let everyone else kick them around. The ones that eat the shirayim from the Rebbas. These are called Omegas – the regular Chassidim.

This is known as the wolf pack hierarchy.

At some point some folks figured out that we can identify the same classes in human society. And so, people were soon being categorized as Alpha, Beta, Delta, and Omega. But, as humans are much more intelligent and complex, it was noticed that there are those who don’t seem to fit into any of these classes. If we look closely, we note that each of the four classes described has its position or function as part of the pack. They are all team players.

In human society there must be some independents who don’t fit any of these types; those who are “in business for themselves” and don’t take a position on the team. The lone wolves. And so, some additional classes were “invented”. (None of this is truly scientific, but it is certainly indicative).

The Alphas and maybe the Deltas are the super-aggressive ones and the Betas and Omegas are the passive ones. I don’t fit any of those. But as I perused through the descriptions of the classes, the class that defined me the best was the Sigmas. Apparently, we don’t really have these in wolves, but we do in people.

Sigmas are introverted Alphas. They live in their own world, but in that world, they are the leaders. The Sigmas are high achievers but are not looking for limelight. They don’t need validation from other people, no prizes, trophies, fame or fortune. They get what they want without taking it away from others. They avoid open competition or confrontation. They do not let anybody else control them or dictate to them. They are not interested in being a Rebba and do not need or want any chassidim.

In a word, they are passive-aggressive.

As I first read about these attributes and identified with them, my thoughts were that these are the basic attributes of a standard INTJ. So, I tried an experiment. I just Googled up the combination of words “Sigma male” and “INTJ”.

Bingo!

About 141,000 hits including more 10 minute You Tube clips than one could ever watch. At the top of the Google page was a “random” excerpt that read as follows:

Sigma males, also often described as “lone wolves”, tend to be independent, successful and self-reliant. They march to a different drum. Because many INTJs can be described this way, there is likely a strong overlap between the two groups.

I wrote earlier that INTJ Sigmas are introverted Alphas. I would also say that Sigmas are Alphas with a conscience. How so?

Well, let’s get a better picture of Alpha males.

An Alpha male is an achiever driven to success. The problem is that his definition of success is success in the eyes of everybody else. Not necessarily in his own eyes. The Alpha male craves power and recognition and to dominate others because this is what gives him self-worth. He seeks fame and fortune…and women. Lots of them. All at once.

He needs these things, and he will use any means at his disposal to attain them. He is interested in winning and not in playing fair. The fact that he is strong enough to obtain them makes it fair. Might makes right. Thus, if he can and thinks he will get away with it, he will cheat on his studies and on his business clients and on his relationships to get what he wants.

It’s a Nietzsche philosophy of survival of the fittest. Unless they have external ethical constraints, such as being afraid of getting caught and humiliated or of heavenly retribution if they are religious or of local law enforcement, or any other situation where they stand to lose more than they’ll gain, they will persist in their goals.

People of authority, lawyers, prosecutors, judges, and politicians are predominately Alpha. Professional athletes, mercenaries and, of course, violent criminals are almost exclusively Alphas. We won’t say that most Alphas are wicked or narcissistic, but most narcissists and wicked people are Alphas.

Sigmas have a whole different definition of success. To a Sigma, success means being successful in his own eyes. He doesn’t care what anybody else thinks. He is not interested in power, recognition, or fame. He only wants to feel good about himself. He doesn’t use women or fancy cars to show himself off, so he doesn’t need a personal harem of women or a sports car. He doesn’t mind fame and fortune (or women) as long as he knows that he earned it by legitimate efforts.

An INTJ Sigma will not cheat on his tests or his clients or on his relationships. It doesn’t matter if nobody finds out. He will know it and it will make him very, very uncomfortable. Getting things through deceit goes against his standards of achievement. Unlike the Alpha, he will feel like he didn’t really achieve it and it will give him no pleasure because this does not give him his kind of self worth.

Believe it or not, I am not talking about righteousness. Just like I wrote that not all Alphas are wicked, likewise, not all Sigmas are righteous. We play it straight because that is what makes us feel good and worthy, not because it’s the right thing to do.

You can imagine that most heads of state and US presidents will be Alphas. Most of them won’t care if the elections were fair or even if there were no elections at all. They want position and power, and they got it.

In my opinion, the only US presidents in the last 100 years who may be Sigmas are Harry S Truman and Calvin Coolidge and maybe Dwight Eisenhower. Nobody after them (I think Gerald Ford was a Beta). Interestingly, Coolidge, Truman and Ford were not even elected as presidents. They were all selected by their predecessors as Vice Presidents and initially reached the office without elections. Eisenhower, like Trump, was elected president without ever having served in any capacity of politics. I also think that Thomas Jefferson and Abraham Lincoln were Sigmas.

According to the Google sources, Sigma males are a rare breed of men. One source claimed that Alphas comprise about 24% of the general male population, Betas comprise about 26%, the other non-Sigmas collectively take about 47% leaving the Sigmas at about 3%. This makes a lot of sense being that INTJs are also about 3%. But I repeat, this ratio applies to the general population, but I think the numbers are different with us Jews.

One place where we won’t find a lot of Sigma males are in jury boxes. Sigmas are independent critical thinkers. They cannot be brainwashed. This is never good for the prosecution but is even too unpredictable for the defense. The moment a trial lawyer – invariably an Alpha – senses a Sigma, he’ll find a way to disqualify him (or her).

In general, Alphas are not very fond of Sigmas. There is an unspoken rivalry between them. This is because an Alpha needs to be dominant and the Alpha can dominate everyone but the Sigmas. Remember what I wrote that Sigmas cannot be controlled through intimidation or by communal brainwashing. They are the critical thinkers and will challenge any idea that is not logical to them.

וכִרְאוֹת֩ הָמָ֨ן אֶֽת־מׇרְדֳּכַ֜י בְּשַׁ֣עַר הַמֶּ֗לֶךְ וְלֹא־קָם֙ וְלֹא־זָ֣ע מִמֶּ֔נּוּ וַיִּמָּלֵ֥א הָמָ֛ן עַֽל־מׇרְדֳּכַ֖י חֵמָֽה׃

In fact, the Alphas actually feel threatened from Sigmas. It’s not because they fear the Sigma wants to take his imperial crown, the Sigma doesn’t want his crown. It’s because the Sigma will tell the world that the emperor isn’t wearing any clothes.

וְיְסַפֵּ֨ר לָהֶ֥ם הָמָ֛ן אֶת־כְּב֥וֹד עׇשְׁר֖וֹ וְרֹ֣ב בָּנָ֑יו וְאֵת֩ כׇּל־אֲשֶׁ֨ר גִּדְּל֤וֹ הַמֶּ֙לֶךְ֙ וְאֵ֣ת אֲשֶׁ֣ר נִשְּׂא֔וֹ עַל־הַשָּׂרִ֖ים וְעַבְדֵ֥י הַמֶּֽלֶךְ... וְכׇל־זֶ֕ה אֵינֶ֥נּוּ שֹׁוֶ֖ה לִ֑י בְּכׇל־עֵ֗ת אֲשֶׁ֨ר אֲנִ֤י רֹאֶה֙ אֶת־מׇרְדֳּכַ֣י הַיְּהוּדִ֔י יוֹשֵׁ֖ב בְּשַׁ֥עַר הַמֶּֽלֶךְ׃

To be up front, I get a strong feeling that Sigmas make most classes of people nervous and uneasy just by being who we are. They feel that we have something they don’t but can’t figure out what it is. I think the answer is that Sigmas, by definition, have a certain type of self-esteem that the other classes don’t. It is what defines us.

ּ֣כי מׇרְדֳּכַ֣י הַיְּהוּדִ֗י מִשְׁנֶה֙ לַמֶּ֣לֶךְ אֲחַשְׁוֵר֔וֹשׁ וְגָדוֹל֙ לַיְּהוּדִ֔ים וְרָצ֖וּי לְרֹ֣ב אֶחָ֑יו

I call this the stigma of the Sigmas.

As such, if there is one place you will find an abundance of Sigmas, it is in Hollywood. Hollywood is very two-dimensional that it portrays clear good guys (heros) and clear bad guys (villains). The good guys are very often the quiet unassuming underdog who eventually out maneuvers the hapless villain. As such, most of the villains personify Alphas and most of the heroes are Sigmas.

Now I can only relate to movies and television from my earlier years, a generation ago. I don’t know who today’s Hollywood heroes are.

I think the archetypical Sigma of all INTJ Sigmas is Mr. Spock from Star Trek – played by our Jewish Leonard Nimoy. The comic book and movie Batman checks all the Sigma boxes. I think virtually all the Hollywood roles played by Humphrey Bogart, John Wayne, Charlton Heston, Clint Eastwood, Al Pacino, Harrison Ford, and Anthony Hopkins are Sigma roles. Thus, it stands to reason that most of these guys are Sigmas in real life.

Fictitious detectives such as Lt. Columbo – also played by our Jewish Peter Falk, Sherlock Holmes, Charlie Chan and Hercule Poirot are also Sigma personalities. And let’s not forget Kwai Chang Caine - Mr. Kung Fu (David Carradine). Sigma extraordinaire.

So, along with all the other “privileges” I noted above, I think it is a privilege to be an INTJ Sigma. But I don’t want to be selfish. I want to share it. All the above relates to the world at large. But let’s get closer to home. How about us Jews?

As noted already, my personal observation is that we Orthodox Jews spawn a higher concentration of INTJs and Sigmas. Why is this?

Because we are different.

הֶן עָם לְבָדָד יִשְׁכֹּן וּבַגּוֹיִם לֹא יִתְחַשָּׁב

Firstly, let’s refer to my earlier term paper about MBTI. The essence of that paper was to display that most of our esteemed ancestors would fall into the INTJ personality type. This would certainly include Yitzchak Avinu, Yaakov Avinu, Yosef HaTzadik and Moshe Rabbenu. Even though Avraham Avinu and Aharon HaKohen were more of the extroverted type, I still would call them Sigmas. One doesn’t need to be INTJ to be Sigma, just it comes more naturally to INTJs.

I personally believe that there is a hereditary aspect to all of this. We are their descendants. But not this alone. It is nature combined with nurture. We are taught in cheder and Yeshivos to be individualistic and to think for ourselves. This was actually the compliment that Moshe Rabbenu said about us as a nation when he pleaded on our behalf and called us a stiff-necked people.

HKBH wanted us to be a segulah from all the nations (Shmos 19:5), I think He wanted us to be a Sigma from all the nations.

והייתם לי סגלה מכל העמים – אל תקרי סגלה אלא סיגמה (תורת יחזקאל)

Chazal call us one sheep between 70 wolves. I would characterize it a little differently - one Sigma wolf among 70 Alphas.

We are the white wolf of the family.

And there can be no doubt that all of our adversaries were Alphas – Nimrod, Yishmael, Eisav and Amalek, Lavan and Bilaam, Pharaoh, Nebuchadnetzer, Titus – all of them alphas. All of them thought they can dominate us, but it just doesn’t work.

Nothing is clearer than the standoff between Haman and Mordechai. The ultra-Alpha versus the ultra-Sigma. Haman had the yedei Eisav which seems to work against everyone else. But Mordechai had the kol Yaakov. This is something that only we have.

This is the struggle that we are fighting to this very day. Especially in this time of war. The whole Alpha-driven world is trying to dictate to us what to do. How many pundits have I heard claim that “Israel is in trouble because they are losing the sympathy of the world”? They will not admit the truth: Israel never had the sympathy of the world. We didn’t have it any more on Oct. 8 than we have now. It was all just lip service then. We haven’t lost anything. It was never there.

All the western nations are afraid of the Islamists making violent protests. So, the Western nations are telling us to “stop the genocide”. But it’s not genocide, it’s just a vicious war. It's just that since we are winning this war, b’Chasdei HaBorei, it suddenly becomes a “genocide”. And they are trying to force us to stop this false “genocide” using all kinds of vacuous threats and even international courts of "justice".

So, the United States doesn’t want to let us go straight into Rafah and, B’Ezras Hashem, win this war, to make the world a better place for everyone. Yet, they cannot threaten us with holding back military aid. They are afraid to do so because they know that if they cut us off, we will produce our own weapons (or buy them somewhere else) and go it alone. Then they won’t have any more leverage on us whatsoever. They will lose total control.

They are wearing no clothes.

As much as I am not a big chassid of Bibi, and I think he bowed down to Haman far too many times in the past, I think he has finally learned his lesson.

אין לנו על מי לסמוך אלא על אבינו שבשמים.

The only way to defeat Haman or Hamas is לא יכרע ולא ישתחוה.

 

If we stick with this, we can be zocheh to:

 

וּבִשְׁנֵים֩ עָשָׂ֨ר חֹ֜דֶשׁ הוּא־חֹ֣דֶשׁ אֲדָ֗ר בִּשְׁלוֹשָׁ֨ה עָשָׂ֥ר יוֹם֙ בּ֔וֹ אֲשֶׁ֨ר הִגִּ֧יעַ דְּבַר־הַמֶּ֛לֶךְ וְדָת֖וֹ לְהֵעָשׂ֑וֹת בַּיּ֗וֹם אֲשֶׁ֨ר שִׂבְּר֜וּ אֹיְבֵ֤י הַיְּהוּדִים֙ לִשְׁל֣וֹט בָּהֶ֔ם וְנַהֲפ֣וֹךְ ה֔וּא אֲשֶׁ֨ר יִשְׁלְט֧וּ הַיְּהוּדִ֛ים הֵ֖מָּה בְּשֹׂנְאֵיהֶֽם׃

 

And so, on the thirteenth day of the twelfth month—that is, the month of Adar—when the king’s command and decree were to be executed, the very day on which the enemies of the Jews had expected to dominate them, the opposite happened, and the Jews were dominant over their enemies.

נִקְהֲל֨וּ הַיְּהוּדִ֜ים בְּעָרֵיהֶ֗ם בְּכׇל־מְדִינוֹת֙ הַמֶּ֣לֶךְ אֲחַשְׁוֵר֔וֹשׁ לִשְׁלֹ֣חַ יָ֔ד בִּמְבַקְשֵׁ֖י רָֽעָתָ֑ם וְאִישׁ֙ לֹא־עָמַ֣ד לִפְנֵיהֶ֔ם כִּֽי־נָפַ֥ל פַּחְדָּ֖ם עַל־כׇּל־הָעַמִּֽים׃

 

Throughout the provinces of King Ahasuerus, the Jews mustered in their cities to attack those who sought their hurt; and no one could withstand them, for the fear of them had fallen upon all the peoples.

וְכׇל־שָׂרֵ֨י הַמְּדִינ֜וֹת וְהָאֲחַשְׁדַּרְפְּנִ֣ים וְהַפַּח֗וֹת וְעֹשֵׂ֤י הַמְּלָאכָה֙ אֲשֶׁ֣ר לַמֶּ֔לֶךְ מְנַשְּׂאִ֖ים אֶת־הַיְּהוּדִ֑ים כִּֽי־נָפַ֥ל פַּֽחַד־מׇרְדֳּכַ֖י עֲלֵיהֶֽם׃

Indeed, all the officials of the provinces—the satraps, the governors, and the king’s stewards—showed deference to the Jews, because the fear of Mordecai had fallen upon them.

 

וּמׇרְדֳּכַ֞י יָצָ֣א ׀ מִלִּפְנֵ֣י הַמֶּ֗לֶךְ בִּלְב֤וּשׁ מַלְכוּת֙ תְּכֵ֣לֶת וָח֔וּר וַעֲטֶ֤רֶת זָהָב֙ גְּדוֹלָ֔ה וְתַכְרִ֥יךְ בּ֖וּץ וְאַרְגָּמָ֑ן וְהָעִ֣יר שׁוּשָׁ֔ן צָהֲלָ֖ה וְשָׂמֵֽחָה׃

Mordecai left the king’s presence in royal robes of blue and white, with a magnificent crown of gold and a mantle of fine linen and purple wool. And the city of Shushan rang with joyous cries.

 

Dovid Hamelech told us:

וענוים יירשו ארץ והתענגו על רב שלום

 

The Sigmas will inherit the earth and delight on the abundance of peace.

 

לַיְּהוּדִ֕ים הָֽיְתָ֥ה אוֹרָ֖ה וְשִׂמְחָ֑ה וְשָׂשֹׂ֖ן וִיקָֽר׃