We are all taught that when we have a wound or a mosquito bite that scabbed over, just leave it alone. Do not pick at the scabs. If you do, you are just irritating the wound and it will take longer to heal. Not just that, it is likely to leave an uglier scar than if it was just left to heal by itself. Don’t keep picking at it.
I truly wish Nicole Meyer and her sisters would know this lesson. They claim that they were “wounded” by the “evil” Mrs. Leifer. Well, that was beyond 18 years ago and there hasn’t been any wounding since. But they just keep picking at it. And it still hasn’t healed. And, as long as they keep picking at it, it isn't going to heal.
First, they needed to disrupt 10-15 years of their lives for a pursuit of misplaced “justice” which is really revenge. You would think that after they finally got their revenge justice, they could just leave everything alone and let it "heal”. But…No-o-o. They need to keep picking at it. They need to make sure they don’t heal and that the scars stand out. It’s another form of self-harm.
Not only won’t it heal, but it will spread. They are seeing to it that it spreads.
To start with, Dassi Erlich came out with her dishonest and poisonous book bent on blaming everyone in the world. I discussed it at length. At the same time, Nicole has taken to TikTok. Her account is over three years old and currently has about 20,000 followers. I cannot determine how many video posts there are, but they number in the hundreds.
How many of these hundreds of videos are clear of any lashon hara or motzi shem rah? 10%? 20%? It’s hard to assume it is any more than that, but even if it reaches 50%, we still have hundreds of short videos chock full of lashon hara, motzi shem rah and sinas chinam for her 20,000 followers. They are meant to be available on the Internet forever!
One thing that stands out is that every single thing she says about Malka Leifer is derogatory. Not a single thing positive to say. Zero.
How does somebody do teshuva for that? How can somebody heal from that?
As an example of one video that I actually looked at, Nicole displays a picture of Malka Leifer smiling and all dressed up wearing pearls. She tells us that this picture is cut in half. She is in the other half but cannot share it. Today is her 18th anniversary and she tells us that Malka Leifer abused her even on her wedding day.
Let’s assume this narrative is totally 100% true. This post is dated Aug. 20, 2024. Mrs. Leifer has been “found guilty” and is in jail for over a year. Why does anybody need to know this “truth”? Who does it help? What is the toelles?
I may get back to TikTok later but what I really want to discuss is that Nicole has likewise gone riding the podcast circuit. This gets much more exposure. I’m not talking about Jewish podcasts like The Struggle or Meaningful People. I am talking about raw secular non-Jewish podcasts where she is paying homage to their gods, not ours.
I have no idea how many “appearances” she has made since 2023, and perhaps she was initially keeping a low profile. But in 2025, shortly before the privileged documentary was released, she participated in two very high-profile podcasts in the non-Jewish arena.
One was a serial podcast called I Catch Killers. This is hosted by a fellow named Gary Jubelin. Gary Jubelin was a very successful and highly celebrated homicide detective in NSW, Australia. Sometime around 2023, Jubelin was convicted of unlawfully recording conversations of suspects, fined AU$ 10,000 and forced to retire. As do so many [Australian] folks forced into early retirement, they go into show business and make even more money and get even more famous. As you may assume, the focus of this podcast would be to assess the criminality of our episode.
The other one is likewise a serial podcast called Sins of the Cross. This is hosted by an Aussie named Glen Fisher who grew up in a very bad neighborhood. He was abused multiple times (real abuse – by men) and fell into homelessness and drugs, the works. Miraculously, he pulled himself out of it, went straight and found religion. He got many of his abusers into trouble. Started charities, wrote a book and now hosts a podcast where he interviews fellow “survivors”. Understandably, the focus of his podcast is to assess the horrors of abuse.
Incidentally, Glen Fisher was also featured on I Catch Killers.
Both of these podcasts are in a non-Jewish setting and reflect non-Jewish values and standards. They are all about abuse, abuse, abuse, victim, victim, victim, and justice, justice, justice. And they employ the secular non-Jewish definitions of all of them.
In these podcasts, Nicole comes across very articulate, very intelligent, very poised. Nevertheless, since these are all amicable, sympathetic interviews, nothing she says is challenged and there is no pushback. These podcasts are mere echo chambers. Abuse, victim, justice, abuse, victim, justice, lather, rinse, repeat.
In spite of everything I already knew, or thought I knew about this episode, these podcasts were very revealing. This is especially since most of noise that I filtered until now has come from Dassi Erlich. She’s not even pretending to be religious. But, in these podcasts, it’s Nicole, the oldest and the “observant” one, who is showing her cards.
Let me say that regarding the objective facts of what happened, Nicole comes across very credible. All indications are that some forms of abuse took place and she is not making up the basic story. I see a lot of pain and a lot of trauma. I believe the pain is genuine and the trauma is genuine.
But her subjective analysis of her experiences show something else. They show a lot of hatred and a lot of anger. A tremendous amount of anger. In England and South Africa, and I assume, in Australia as well, people do not say they are angry. They say they are cross.
In Judaism we say that it is a severe sin to angry. A severe sin to be cross. כל הכועס, כל מיני גהינום שולטים עליו. One who is cross, all forms of purgatory dominate him (or her). So, it’s a sin to be cross. Let us discuss the Sins of the Cross.
Nicole Meyer is very, very cross. What is she cross about?
Well, for starters, she is cross that the evil Mrs. Leifer abused her for so many years. Yet, when she finally shlepped her all the way to Australia with every intention of getting full revenge justice, interminable jail sentences, and validation for her perpetual victimhood, it didn’t work out that way. Mrs. Leifer was acquitted of every charge that pertained to her. Of the remaining 22 charges, she was convicted of 18 of them and acquitted on the rest. This brought a total sentence of 15 years minus time served.
To some extent, this contradicts numerous statements that we heard from Dassi Erlich when she said, “All I want is to face her in an Australian court.” [This quote is from memory and may not be exact.] What they really meant is that they wanted to deface her in an Australian court. They did what they did and got what they got but they are still not satisfied.
In some post-trial interviews, Nicole said that she does not understand why Mrs. Leifer was acquitted for all charges pertaining to her. She knows “her truth”. Despite this, she did indeed mention two contributing factors:
- She wasn’t allowed to present all of the evidence that she wanted. A lot of evidence was ruled to be inadmissible. Of course, we will never know the strength of this so-called evidence and why it was considered to be inadmissible. For sure, Nicole won’t tell us.
- The defense asked Nicole to read out to the jury a few letters that she had written to Mrs. Leifer thanking her “for her help and for putting a smile on my face.”
I am sure they had a lot of impact, but I think there is a third, much stronger reason. This is where I found her podcasts, especially the one with the detective, to be so revealing, and it is something that I suspected from the get-go.
From what Nicole tells Gary Jubelin, the discussion about seqsual abuse was very marginal. It wasn’t really seqsual abuse. That was just a by-product. It was a venture of total domination and mind control. Like a cult leader. A condition that has recently been called coercive control or narcissistic abuse.
Here is how she describes it (30:00):
I've actually thought I could write a book on the seven years that I was with Malka Leifer because it is so extensive. And the coercive control and the impact and the control she had in every single area of my life is extremely difficult to understand unless it's really fully understood.
And 1.5 minutes later:
Like she groomed a community. She groomed the teachers. She groomed all the students. It was Mrs. Leifer at this and Mrs. Leifer at that…I would say she groomed majority of the community with her actions, her behaviors, where she was, her visibility was always there.
So, Nicole claims that Mrs. Leifer groomed the entire community.
This is very much like Joan Samson’s The Auctioneer. This is a 1970s fictional thriller about a sleepy rural town in New Hampshire just minding its own business until a charismatic man of the world arrives out of nowhere and suggests holding an auction to support the town’s one-man police force. Soliciting donations from the townsfolk, his auction goes so well that he holds another, then another, then another, week after week, month after month. Eventually the beleaguered townspeople have nothing left to give, but the auctioneer, backed by the increasingly powerful police department, is unrelenting in his demands for more. Those who resist meet with violent “accidents.” In short, his charisma and smooth talk undoes the entire peaceful town.
We’ve all heard of this – narcissism, gaslighting, mind control, domination, isolation. It is the exact same abuse she got from her parents except they did it by force and Mrs. Leifer did it by charm. Yes, this behavior is abusive and traumatizing and debilitating. But there is one problem.
It is not a crime.
There is one very chilling statement in The Auctioneer: “Just remember this,” he said. “Whatever I’ve done, you’ve let me do.”
In truth, I came across a YouTube clip of a woman therapist presenting a very legal definition of coercive control and claiming that it is now a crime in about seven US states. Though, it is very difficult to establish and would require precise documentation. [Tznius alert – the woman therapist is not properly dressed in the clip so I cannot recommend watching it, only listening to it. Perhaps, scroll out the media window or switch to your emails or solitaire app while you listen.]
Still, in most places it is not a crime and will probably never be one. I assume such to be the case in Australia, especially since she wasn’t charged with it.
Do you know why it won’t be a crime? It is because, most of the time it is not driven by criminal intent. It is usually a result of a cycle of emotional abuse, insecurity, low self-esteem, not knowing how to love or to be loved, PTSD, a craving for power, paranoia, and other pathologies. These should put abusers into therapy but not prison. In general, they have committed no violent crime.
But Nicole and her sisters are very cross. So, like our DoorDash girl, they need to redefine this coercive control as a violent crime in the name of getting revenge justice. The way to do it is to overblow every touch and caress into seqsual “abuse” and “rape” to get it to constitute a horrific crime. This is even without any claims of being forced.
Well, they get mob bosses on “tax evasion” and “racketeering”, don’t they? Just, these guys do have criminal intent.
In any case, in Nicole’s case, she was basically at the age of consent all the way through and the seqsual aspect was relatively marginal. especially since female-to-female seqsual activity is much harder to define and to substantiate. As such, my assumption is her case was too weak for a conviction.
And so, Nicole is very cross. And when you consider that, by the rules of our Torah, none of this is criminal, Nicole is sinfully cross. Allowing oneself to be manipulated does not carry much currency in a Beis Din. Emotional pain may be considered damaging and damages need to be compensated, but it is not criminal by our standards. Conversely, vengeance is criminal. And sinful.
This brings me to the other “revealing” factor which was always self-evident. This was an exchange at the end of the podcast with Glen Fisher and it blew me away.
Bear in mind that the focus of Glen Fisher’s podcast, Sins of the Cross, is discussing the horrors of abuse as they affect the victims, not the criminality of the abusers. Most of the podcast was Glen Fisher and Nicole Meyer comparing notes on their respective experiences. Clearly, Glen Fisher had it much worse since he was genuinely seqsually molested with real acts of se%. He was allegedly molested by male parts. Nicole was allegedly molested by female fingers.
The part that fascinated me was about the 55:00 mark of the podcast. Glen fisher brings up the fact that he may have the opportunity to actually speak to his abuser when he will be assessed for parole. He says that initially he felt that he should approach his abuser to tell him these three words:
I forgive you.
He then clarified what he meant by saying that he wanted to show the abuser that he no longer has power over him and that he is not letting him live rent free in his head. In other words, he has learned to let go.
This is one of the only segments that Nicole did not fully concur with the host. She emphatically said that she too longs to have a “conversation” with Mrs. Leifer, but nothing along the lines of “I forgive you”.
In the Gary Jubelin podcast (45:40), she is a little more articulate. Her dream is to give Mrs. Leifer some kind of mussar shmooze first itemizing everything she did to her and then to say, “but you cannot break me and you cannot take away my life. I'm taking it back what you took and I'm going to show you that what you have done to me is not going to break me and not going to impact me the way you think it did.”
Sounds very defiant, just that, despite the alleged coercive control and narcissistic abuse, I am not convinced that Mrs. Leifer was ever really trying to break her or take away her life. So, it would be a pyrrhic victory, in my opinion.
But what’s clear is that Nicole cannot let go. Unlike Glen Fisher, she cannot forgive. Forgiveness is not in her vocabulary. Her hatred runs so deep. She keeps picking at the wound and it will never heal. The sins of the cross are eternal.
I came across this TikTok video. In it, Nicole once again expresses the three top things she would say to Mrs. Leifer if she could have a conversation with her.
(1) She would tell her that “she didn’t break me.” - I commented on this earlier. There is no evidence that Malka Leifer was aiming to destroy anybody. It looks like she only needed to fill her own empty spaces. And, if so, why does Nicole Meyer need to break Malka Leifer?
(2) She would ask, “did she know what her abuse was doing?” – How would Nicole respond if she says no, she didn’t?
(3) She would ask, "will she ever admit what she did?" – My answer is that she can’t. The Sapper sisters won’t let her.
I have followed this case for over ten years. All I saw was a quest to prosecute, punish, imprison. Never, ever did I see any attempt to make Shalom, to reconcile. To just ask for an apology and leave it at that (they already got money from the school). Never any attempt to settle this quietly or to make a personal demand and "if you don’t do it, then we will contact the authorities". It was straight to authorities from the get-go. Go straight to jail - Do not pass go, do not collect anything.
From the start, they wanted blood and vengeance and not peace. And it was always hidden under the battle-cry of “justice”. And they still want it. Hence, to admit anything would only make things worse for her. Why should she even try?
If Nicole wants to have a sincere conversation with Mrs. Leifer, there is one question that she will need to ask her before any other one. But I know she could never bring herself to do it. She won’t have the courage. It might destroy everything she worked for since 2011. And the question is:
Mrs. Leifer, did anybody molest you when you were young?
The sins of the cross. I am not sure who is the evil one.
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