Incidentally, I think that the only place on earth where one can aquire (and require) this entire list is the Upper West Side!
B'Teavon!
Yechezkel
Taking a few crumbs to Tashlich from whatever old bread is in the house
lacks subtlety, nuance and religious sensitivity. I would suggest that we
can do better. Instead:
For ordinary sins, use - White Bread
For exotic sins - French Bread
For particularly dark sins - Pumpernickel
For complex sins - Multi-grain
For twisted sins - Pretzels
For tasteless sins - Rice Cakes
For sins of indecision - Waffles
For sins committed in haste - Matzah
For sins committed in less than eighteen minutes - Shmurah Matzah
For sins of chutzpah - Fresh Bread
For substance abuse/marijuana - Stoned Wheat
For substance abuse/heavy drugs - Poppy Seed
For drunkenness - Hamentashen
For arson - Toast
For timidity - Milk Toast
For haughtiness - French toast
For high-handedness - Napoleons
For having doubts - Wonder Bread
For being sulky - Sourdough
For silliness - Nut Bread
For a quick temper - Short bread
For being rude to guests - Hostess Twinkies
For jingoism - Yankee Doodles
For telling bad jokes - Corn Bread
For telling old jokes - Stale Bread
For being money-hungry - Enriched Bread or Raw Dough
For telling small lies – Fudge
For clowning around – Cream Pie
For ridiculing RYBS - Boston Cream Pie
For war-mongering - Kaiser Rolls
For racism - Crackers
For sophisticated racism - Ritz Crackers
For evangelism - Graham Crackers
For cynicism - Saltines
For being holier-than-thou - Bagels
For unfairly up-braiding others - Challah
For snobbery - Upper Crusts
For trashing the environment - Dumplings
For the sin of laziness - Any Very Long Loaf
For being hyper-critical - Pan Cakes
For political skullduggery - Bismarcks
For over-eating - Stuffing Bread or Bulkie Rolls
For gambling - Fortune Cookies
For pride - Puff Pastry
For cheating - Bread made with Nutrasweet and Olestra
For being snappish - Ginger Bread
For dropping in without calling beforehand - Popovers
For trying to improve everyone within sight -Angel Food Cake
For being up-tight and irritable - High Fiber or Bran Muffins
For sycophancy - Brownies
For rearing children incompetently - Raisin Bread
For immodest behavior - Tarts
For causing injury or damage to others - Tortes
For hardening our hearts - Jelly doughnuts
For abrasiveness - Grits
For recurring slip ups - Banana Bread
For davening off tune - Flat Bread
For impetuosity - Quick Bread
For mimicking Queen Elizabeth – English Muffins
For risking one's life unnecessarily - Hero Bread
For auto theft - Caraway
For excessive use of irony - Rye Bread
For larceny (especially of copyright material) - Stollen
etc.,etc.
Remember, you don't have to show your crumbs to anyone.
For those who require a wide selection of crumbs, an attempt will be made to
have pre-packaged Tashlich Mix available in three grades (Tashlich Lite,
Medium and Industrial Strength) at your local Jewish bookstore or through your connections at Angel's Mafia (for sins you didn't want but couldn't refuse…)
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