I
was recently at a shiva house and the avel told over a story. There was a
minyan that was one man short. To fill the minyan, someone suggested to call an
elderly Jew from the adjacent complex who was not known to be religious. The
elderly fellow consented to join the minyan. Afterward, he remarked that he had
not set foot into a shul for almost fifty years.
When
he was asked why not, he told over that he had a lifelong grudge. He was a very
poor immigrant who lived only with his father since his mother had died. Once, when he was about eight or ten or so (let’s say ten), it was his mother’s
yahrtzeit, so he went to shul to say kaddish. As a penniless orphaned immigrant,
all he could do was to scrounge up a few kichels for shul but nothing
more. For whatever reason, his father
was not with him at shul and so, he was at the shul by himself. He remained
through the davening and said kaddish and afterwards put out the small plate of
kichels. One of the regulars teased him and said, “This is what you call a
tikkun?”
As
you might guess, he was very offended and humiliated, and made up never to go
back to that shul. Apparently, it was not only to that shul, to any shul.
Really,
this is not an exceptional story. Probably all of us have heard stories just
like this about people who had traumatic or humiliating experiences in their
developing years which turned them away from Yiddishkeit and religion.
Of
course, the purpose of telling this story at the shiva was to drive home a
point about sensitivity and how a single sarcastic or cynical comment can drive
a vulnerable person to shun religion. The trite lesson of חיים ומוות ביד הלשון. And the Torah warns us: כל יתום ואלמנה לא תענון.
This
lesson is intended to teach us how we should view the “perpetrator”. How much
damage he did and that we certainly should not “be like him”. We probably think
of him as one of the most heartless people on earth and will have a lot to answer
for in the Heavenly Court. We might say that the Yetzer Hara had this guy in
his clutches.
As
is my style, I like to look at the other side of the coin. I want to look at
the 10-year-old, and now probably about 60-year-old, kid. We see him as the
poor orphaned victim and most of us can sympathize with him and understand why
he has not walked into a shul for fifty years.
I
am not as sympathetic.
No
question, a 10-year-old yasom is a very vulnerable person. He had a void in his
life and his “greenhorn” immigrant father wasn’t able to compensate and, from how
it was told, even the child was an immigrant. One cannot be more socially disconnected than that. Moreover, if he shunned religion at such an age, we assume that he
did not go to Jewish day school and probably was not bar-mitzvah. Likely, he never
put on tefillin, never went to yeshiva and learned. And probably did not keep
other mitzvos. A lost soul.
I
get all that.
Still, as I heard the avel tell the story, I asked myself (and maybe even asked the avel), “50 years?” He certainly had some religious upbringing and knew how to daven in shul and say kaddish. Someone ticks him off and he goes on strike for 50 years?
50 years?
That’s
a long time to bear a grudge. And it’s a long time not to move forward.
Yes,
he was young and vulnerable. And the Yetzer Hara saw a soft, unprotected
target. A prime candidate for his “molestation”. And, like every molester does,
he groomed him to become his “friend”.
Let’s
look again at the “heartless” perpetrator. I don’t see him as “heartless” as
much as just plain thoughtless. I’m sure this person didn’t realize how
vulnerable the child was and how humiliating it was to criticize him. Jews tend
to be cynical and especially because many of us, and certainly the old timers,
had to go through this kind of thing themselves. In the old days, nobody was
spared.
I
see no reason not to dan l’kaf zchus and assume that if he would have known the
impact of his remarks, he would have apologized and mollified the boy. But he
never got the chance. The Yetzer Hara didn’t want him to. The YH wanted to make
sure this kid does not go to shul. After all, who knows what other mitzvas he
might ch”v start doing?
Evidently,
the YH was working on both sides of the street.
But
50 years is a long time. And after a while a yasom is not a yasom anymore, and a victim is not a victim anymore. Initially,
this event was a reason not to go to shul. Later it became an excuse.
There
is a valid reason why he left then. But that isn’t a reason not to come back
when he is older. He has no reason, just an excuse. Perhaps, when he was approached
50 years later, he finally realized that he has no reason nor any excuse not to
comply. Perhaps he had been married and had some grown children. There comes a
point where he can’t be a yasom anymore.
But
there is no way to get back what he could have had over the past 50 years. And I
am sure he is ready to blame this thoughtless Jew for everything. He as much as
said so. But it wasn’t him.
Many
people suffer traumatic experiences in early life. Experiences that cause them
to move away from HKBH. That’s exactly what the YH wants. It’s what he has been
grooming them to do. And every time the person might want to take a new step
forward, comes his old pal the YH, who has always been there for him, and
reminds him or her about how hurt they were at that time. He never lets them
forget it. He never lets them get past it. He always brings them back. He makes
sure they relive it again and again. 10, 20,30, 50 years or more.
About
six weeks ago was Parshas Bechukosai. This Parsha tells us what we need to do
to have a successful life – doing Hashem’s mitzvos with some degree of ameilus
b’Torah. But right afterwards it tells us how to lose it all. First, we “neglect”
to study Torah. Then we abandon mitzvos. Then we loathe others who perform
them. Then we despise the Gedolim. Then we prevent others from observing. Then
we deny the mitzvos were ever commanded. Then we deny the existence of HKBH.
This
is the point of no-return. And how did one get here?
He
gradually went down the slippery slope. One level drags one down to the next.
(Rashi Vayikra 26:15). And where did it all begin?
Yep, by grooming. It began when
the YH told him that there is no reason to understand what HKBH wants from us. No
reason to study the Torah. It’s enough just to be observant and do mitzvos. You
don’t have to understand them. You don’t need to be an expert. Just be an
uneducated consumer.
This
is how the grand molester, the Yetzer Hara, grooms us.
Last
Shabbos we read Parshas Chukas in Eretz Israel. This coming Shabbos the
slowpokes in chu”l will read Parshas Chukas. Parshas Chukas tells us the story
of the copper snake. A very strange story. What’s it all about?
Let’s
go back to Parshas Acharei Mos.
כמעשה ארץ מצרים
אשר ישבתם בה לא תעשו
The deeds of the land of Egypt where you dwelled you are not to do,
Okay,
they can relate to that. They were there in Egypt and saw it all. They know
what this means. But there's more:
וכמעשה ארץ כנען
אשר אני מביא אתכם שמה לא תעשו
The deeds of the land of Canaan to which I am bringing you, you are not to do,
Stop
the presses! We already mentioned Egypt and we know what it’s all about. We were
there so we have an accurate feel for what the Torah is about to tell us. Why do we need to add on
Canaan? They aren’t any different and we haven’t actually been there, anyway.
HKBH
knew something we did not yet know. The nation standing at Mount Sinai who are
hearing these words, the nation who were redeemed from Egypt, isn’t going to
arrive in Eretz Canaan. They will die in the desert and a new generation is
going to enter the land of Canaan. And this generation that enters Canaan will
not be those who left Egypt and will not be those who saw and internalized the depravity of
Egypt. They will be a nation of Jews who were raised and nurtured in the
sheltered “Lakewood” of the desert and have no first-hand knowledge of the
depravity of the pagans. This kind of behavior will be totally alien to them.
Hence, they must be forewarned that they will enter a land of depravity which they
have never witnessed and will need to be ready to handle it.
Parshas
Chukas is a pivotal parsha. This is the parsha where we “skip” 38 years of dark
ages and arrive at year 2487, one year prior to entering the land (2488). And we have
a new and complete congregation. A new generation of Jews. A generation who “does not
know Joseph” and does not know Pharaoh, either.
After being encamped in the desert wilderness and sheltered by the Clouds of Glory for 38 years, this naïve nation is finally standing at the outskirts of “civilized” nations. They begin seeing things they have never yet seen. Fields with wheat and barley, olive groves, vineyards, orchards. Wells and springs.
They
have been living in booths made of clouds, drinking “tap” water and eating this
strange frosty “bread”. For the younger ones this has been for all their lives. It is all they have ever known. This bread
is not miraculous. It’s the norm. We get it every day. And nothing else. And,
truth be told, we’re sick of it!
We
want real water, real food, not this ruinous bread! Oh, and while we’re at it,
I don’t think we need these clouds anymore, either. We don’t know what Egypt
was like because we weren’t there, but if it’s anything like the splendor we’re seeing in
these lands (Edom, Sichon and Og), we would rather that you never brought us out of
there.
The
Torah says that HKBH sent the venomous snakes which bit many people of the
nation and put many people to death.
Once
we recognize that we are dealing with a new and young and naïve nation, it is
hard to understand what was so terrible about their complaints.
To
understand this, let’s see what happens next.
HKBH
tells Moshe to make for himself a serpent (not a snake) and to raise it up on a
pole. Whoever is bitten and looks at the serpent will live. Note that it doesn’t
say that if he does not, he will die. Moshe then fashions a serpent in the form
of a copper snake. The “bitten” people look at this snake and live.
What
is happening here?
In
this week’s edition of Toras Avigdor, Rav Miller ZTL explains that the “nachash”
is an old friend that we know from Brias Olam (Creation). This is the snake that persuaded
Adam and Chava to eat from the Eitz Hadaas.
The
snake was always meant to be our Yetzer Hara, but it was initially meant to be
a more visible and defined entity. It stood up straight. We could easily
recognize it and identify it. This was because we did not yet know of both good
and evil. Good and evil means good and evil intertwined in every entity
(for this we can use a full discussion of the Parah Adumah from this parshah
but we’re not going to go there now). But now, after the sin and the new "knowledge", the Yetzer Hara has to
take on a new form. One that one doesn't recognize. One that crawls on its belly at ground level and is the
same color as the sand and soil. Brown and copper.
The
Yetzer Hara is now a clandestine secret agent in all kinds of disguises. Like
the old-time radio crime-fighter “The Shadow”, he is all but invisible, knows “the
evil that lurks in the hearts of men”, and has the ability to “cloud men’s
minds”. Just he’s not interested in fighting crime.
Rav
Miller explains that the snake, a.k.a. Yetzer Hara, does not want publicity or
exposure. He wants to stay camouflaged where one doesn’t see him. The
instruction to Moshe from HKBH was to do the opposite. To take the 'snake’ in its
camouflage fatigues (dull copper) and hold him up for all to recognize. When one can
now identify this rascal, he can know who the enemy is, and then, he can even
learn how to recognize it in his habitat and learn how to avoid it.
As
such, aside from the “pashut pshat”, we can understand the allegorical lesson
of this event. The inexperienced nation was beginning to stray after their eyes
and see distant fields where the grass appeared to be greener. They yearned for
a piece of the action. HKBH sent upon them the "nachash", the Yetzer Hara, which “bit” them and
caused them to burn with all kinds of passions. This, in turn, led them to
disconnect with their spiritual side and the source of life and they began to
die. It was a spiritual death.
Moshe
created a brown/beige snake (not fiery polished copper) to show them that they
are being attacked by a Yetzer Hara who is always camouflaged and crawls on its
belly, and one cannot see him coming. As the Mishna says in Rosh Hashanah (3:8),
those who would be inspired to fight the Yetzer Hara and rededicate their
hearts to HKBH were healed. If not, they deteriorated. This, says the Mishna,
is the same thing that happened in their earlier war against Amalek when our hands weakened from Torah.
The
new generation were young and inexperienced. They were very vulnerable. And all
this time, the great molester, the Yetzer Hara, was grooming them to do his
bidding. He disguised himself as nothing more than lush, green looking
pastures. Moshe needed to teach them that what looks like greener pastures is
the Yetzer Hara’s way of dressing up dry brown (copper) soil.
The
lesson of the Copper Snake is not enough. Molesters, like the YH, are hell-bent
on getting what they want. The crafty ones do it by grooming the victims to
become their friends and convincing the victims that they are doing things they
will like and appreciate. They want them to think they are doing them a favor
and submit to them willingly. They want the fun to be consensual.
When
this doesn’t work, they have another method. This is to incapacitate the victim
and do what they want without his/her consent. They try to put them to sleep so
they do not know they are being molested. To do this, they may resort to what
are known as “date-rape” drugs. These are substances that are added to drinks
and put the user asleep and debilitates them.
Renowned
Belzer Rosh Yeshiva HRHG Pinchas Fridman, Shlita, releases a drasha every week
titled Shevilei Pinchas. In his drasha last Shevuos, he discussed our legend
that the Jewish nation overslept on the morning of Mattan Torah. HKBH sounded
heavenly Shofarot to wake us up. He writes that the Shofarot were meant to rouse
us to do teshuva just like we do in Chodesh ellul. He quotes the Rambam in
Hilchos Teshuva 3:4:
Even though sounding the shofar on Rosh Hashanah is a Torah decree (גזירת הכתוב), there is an implication in it, saying ‘wake up sleepers from your slumber and rouse up from your stupor, and examine your deeds and do teshuva and remember your Creator’.
Clearly,
the Yetzer Hara doesn’t want us to think about our Creator, so he lulls us to
sleep. Rav Friedman goes on and tells a story of a scholar who fell asleep in
the Beis Midrash of the Tiferes Shlomo. The Tiferes Shlomo approached him, woke
him up and asked him if he could answer “the captain’s question”?
The
scholar was puzzled, so the Rav explained, I am referring to the captain of
Yonah’s ship. The one who asked him, “Why are you sleeping? Rise up and call
out to your G-d.” He then quotes a sefer Arvei Nachal which says that the
gemara, tells us that the Jewish nation is compared to a Yonah (Brachos 53b).
Thus, Yonah is the entire Jewish nation traveling through galus and chooses to “sleep
it out”.
Our sages compared us in this long bitter exile to a ship that is foundering at sea that is expected to sink at any moment, and there is no hope save for the hope that HKBH will save it, for there is no other plan. Likewise, are we in this exile as a sheep among 70 wolves…with no way out. And for this the scripture calls out, “And Yonah descended to the bowels of the ship, and he laid down and slumbered.” The Jewish nation is compared to a dove and the Ruach Hakodesh (the Captain) screams at us, “Why are you sleeping? There is no time to sleep. Just rise up and call out to your G-d. Perhaps G-d will think of you and we will not be lost.”
When
we pray maariv we say, הסר שטן
מלפנינו ומאחרינו. Remove the Satan from in front of us and
from behind us.
What
is ‘from in front of us’?
When
we can see him and recognize him, even if he is laying low and camouflaged.
What
is ‘from behind us’?
When
he puts drugs in our drinks and lulls us to sleep.
He
is the grand molester, and he comes from all sides.
What
is the remedy?
We
learned the lesson from Parshas Bechukosai that we must supplement our mitzva
observance with ameilus b’Torah. If not, he will groom us and drag us down step
by step to rock bottom.
But
if we are drugged, we can’t even do that.
We
can only arise and call out to HKBH.
קום, קרא אל א-לקיך.
קרוב ה' לכל קוראיו
לכל אשר יקראוהו באמת
יונה בן אמיתי
One thing is certain...
...we cannot be "victims" all our lives.
No comments:
Post a Comment