We are back reviewing in good faith Dassi Erlich’s wondrous book – In Bad Faith.
In my previous post, I first analyzed the book from the viewpoint of a typical secular reader. My conclusion is that it’s a very good book. It is well written and laid out and spellbinding. Dassi, the protagonist, overcomes abuse and adversity and, from a non-Jewish perspective, everything that Dassi does in the second part of her book is virtuous, brave and heroic.
Next, I analyzed the book from the viewpoint of an Orthodox Jewish reader. My conclusion is that the first part does a good job in telling us about how mental illness can adversely affect members of our community and it is a good idea to be able to recognize it and treat it.
This would be a very worthy narrative if this were how Dassi presented it. But she did not. She misrepresented it as a vehicle to create overwhelming sympathy for herself and overwhelming animosity for her mother and Mrs. Leifer, the two “monsters”, and, by extension, for the Adass community and her ex-husband.
I will comment that she seemed to go very easy on her ex-husband. I assume that this is out of consideration for their common daughter.
In any case, Dassi has no business making this distortion. Mental illness is a human condition that does not know race, religion or politics. It is a disgrace that Dassi is compelled to package it all up under the heading of religion or faith. There is clearly an agenda here.
This does not mean that all the affected players are faultless. We know that mental illness alone does not inhibit one’s ability to make choices in how they behave. We call this bechira. Chazal tell us that a person does not sin unless he is “possessed” with a “ruach shtus”, like a temporary insanity. But we are still responsible for our actions.
As such, I agree that there is no reason to let Mrs. Leifer off the hook. She bears responsibility for her choices. She must certainly be liable for compensation, but there is also no need for punishment. At the same time, there is no reason to let Dassi’s mother off the hook, either. I believe she injured Dassi way more than Mrs. Leifer did. But somehow Dassi does not care to prosecute her.
Moreover, there is no reason to let Dassi off the hook for the choices she made in the second part of the book which, by Jewish law, was far from brave or heroic. As I noted in my previous post, Jewish law is more compassionate than any when it comes to dealing with personal injury. But Dassi shuns all of Judaism and its compassion and chooses a more heartless and vindictive path.
The time has come to analyze the merits of the book. Who, if anybody, is helped and who, if anybody, is hurt? Is the world now a better place? Has the book achieved its goals? Has it delivered on its promises?
Who are the winners and who are the losers?
Dassi Erlich (and Hachette Books)
Let us begin with Dassi herself.
One of the main reasons people write and publish books is for income. I have no clue what kind of deal she has with her publisher and what are the book’s revenues, but from the acclaim, I assume it is a financial success. Revenues do not have to come solely from book sales. They can also come in the form of paid interviews, book signings or speaking engagements. Even if any of these are done pro bono, it usually brings an all-expenses-paid trip to the various locations including dinner meetings and free lunches and other frills.
So, all told, we can assume the book is profitable. This is a gain for Dassi and her publisher but for nobody else.
Additionally, there is accolade, honor, and fame. It looks to me that Dassi has an emotional need for recognition and validation. This makes a lot of sense that, after spending her entire childhood as a “nobody”, Dassi needs to be a “somebody”.
Again, the fanfare and acclaim that I see on her Facebook page indicates that she has succeeded in amassing a multitude of followers.
Thus, the book is surely beneficial for Dassi Erlich. Yet, I have one reservation about this, which I will bring up at the end of this post.
Adass Community and Jews World Wide
Now, let us discuss the Jewish community both Orthodox and secular.
Dassi’s book is a tremendous success in maliciously damaging the Adass community, all Orthodox jews and all Jews world over. Since this is her goal, it is a success, though I fear it may have gone a little too far.
As concerns the Adass community, which by default encompasses all of Orthodox Jewry, Dassi employs the power of suggestion by her dishonest cover, title and subtitle to make the reader think that she is bringing them inside a horrible sadistic cult that is rife with pedophilia just like the Catholic church, and that this is sanctioned by those in power. She does this again with the way she titles Chapter 2 – Growing Up Adass.
As I read, I checked through the entire book to see if there was any hint of pedophilic rings or nefarious activity being covered up and perpetrated by saintly looking rabbis. There was absolutely no mention of any such thing. So, I was very disappointed and believe that I should be entitled to my money back.
There is no evidence at all that the community in any way supported Mrs. Leifer’s alleged activities. Dassi herself attested (31:30) that they were not even aware of it. And, as soon as they got wind of it, they promptly shipped her out of Australia back to where she came from despite her denials and objections. I will note, as I have done numerous times, that Mrs. Leifer was not a wanted criminal at the time and there were not even any police complaints on file about her.
The amazing thing is that Dassi’s big sister, Nicole Meyer was working shoulder to shoulder with Mrs. Leifer for a number of years before the allegations broke out. If anybody was protecting Mrs. Leifer, it was Nicole Sapper Meyer.
Due to this lack of dirt, Dassi needs to build a case against the community. This is where the [Dis]Honest truth comes in. She needs to discredit the school for doing the right thing. She criticizes the school for not taking steps which do not conform to their own (and our) values.
Thus, in Chapter 20, Dassi gives us a play-by-play account of how the “blowup” unfolded based on court testimony. According to Dassi’s account, the allegations came to light to the Adass officials at the very end of February, 2008. She seems to be shocked that it took all of 10 days for the matter to be resolved with Mrs. Leifer’s removal.
There is more “shock” to come. On page 234, Dassi tries to make a case that there were rumors of abuse going back seven months. She claims:
They had all known, had heard the rumours and yet no one had acted.
Aside from the contradiction in terms that “had all known” does not equal “heard the rumours”, from her account, the “all” in “they had all known” was all of three people: Mrs. Casin, a community psychologist, Mrs. Bromberg, a major teacher, and Mrs. Wurtzberger, a rebbetzin.
Mrs. Casin alerted Mrs. Bromberg and Mrs. Bromberg confronted Mrs. Leifer who successfully allayed her concerns for the time being. Note that Mrs. Bromberg had not heard any complaints directly from any students, nor anything at all before being alerted by Mrs. Casin, so there was no reason not to accept what Mrs. Leifer told her. Rebbetzin Wurtzburger also only heard them as rumors and did not want to believe them. There is no indication that Rebbetzin Wurtzburger told her husband about any of this, and no indication that any member of the Rabbinical council heard any rumors at all prior to February 2008.
Concerning Mrs. Casin and Mrs. Bromberg, Dassi cannot truthfully say that they did not act. They confronted Mrs. Leifer. Nor can she truthfully say that “They had known”. There were nothing more than unsubstantiated rumors coupled with a denial from Mrs. Leifer. There is not much more one can do for mere rumors. Bear in mind that, initially, the rumors were not believed because things like this do not normally happen in the ultra-Orthodox community. Dassi said so herself in her podcast interview in Sept 2017.
There are a few other places, but not many, where Dassi maligns members of the Adass community. In all of those cases, Dassi does not tell us a complete story, only what she wants us to know – and think. This is another variation of the [Dis]Honest Truth.
On page 154, Dassi tells us:
When my sister Tamar and her husband had approached the same rabbi several months prior for some understanding on my behalf, explaining to him that I had been abused by Malka Leifer his response had been, ‘What’s the big deal? It was just a woman.’
Ahem. Tamar and her husband approached this Rabbi for “some understanding on my behalf”. Really?? is that all??
I have a secret. People do not approach Rabbis for “understanding”. They approach Rabbis for Halachic guidance, to perform some clerical service, or perhaps to use their influence to intervene on some personal or communal matter. Of course, the Rabbi’s conduct should be predicated with understanding but other considerations such as Halachic values are just as important if not more. “Understanding” alone was not what they were after. They wanted something else but they were hoping that the Rabbi would be "understanding" to cooperate with them. So what were they after? What did they approach the Rabbi for?
Dassi doesn’t tell us, so we have no real way to evaluate this story except on her terms.
By the way, the remark, “It was just a woman” carries important Halachic significance. I explained it in this introductory post on the Malka Leifer affair written way back in 2016. (See the definition headed Lezbian Activity and the definition headed R^pe).
On page 156, Dassi tells us:
Days after Leifer had left the country, the school had sent out a letter to past students, promising to help cover the cost of therapy. The therapist wrote to Adass Israel School asking them to cover a two-week admission. The school refused.
Dassi tells us that the school refused – which is not meant as a compliment – but neglects to tell us why they refused. She also does not tell us if they flatly refused or if they had some counter demands from Dassi which Dassi may have refused.
Dassi also does not seem to acknowledge that this event is taking place a full three years after the “days after Leifer left the country”. Was the “promise” still valid three years down the road? Who funded the therapy three years ago? Was it the school? Insurance? A donor? Was this funding still available?
Dassi does not seem to acknowledge that a two-week hospital stay is not the same as a few therapy sessions cost-wise. Nor does she acknowledge that this took place after she filed her complaint to the Victorian police thus pitting herself as a hostile entity toward the school.
This motzi-shem-ra occurs again on page 222. Dassi writes:
My lawyers had repeatedly assured me that 95 per cent of cases settled without going to trial, but we had tried mediation twice now. The school was refusing to even settle for an amount that would cover legal costs and my medical needs.
Again, Dassi doesn’t tell us why the school refused. She doesn’t tell us what dollar amount represented her “legal costs and medical needs”. She does not tell us what amount they were willing to settle for. It doesn't look like Dassi was any less stubborn than the school.
We have no clue if the school was being represented by an insurance company and it was the insurance that was refusing. (I was told off-record that insurance was involved.)We have no idea if there were other strings attached like an unwarranted apology (see HERE).
I happen to have a certificate in mediation (it was a supplement to my Toen Rabbani training). Mediation usually means that the sides are willing to negotiate, so usually neither side is being totally intransigent. What’s more, when mediation fails, it is natural for each side to fault the other exclusively for the failure, as Dassi is doing here.
This is about all the dirt that Dassi can throw against the Adass community all throughout the book. There are absolutely no shocking revelations about sanctioned sadistic abuse or child sacrifice or any secret cultish rituals that take place in this “secret” and “closed” religious sect.
What a disappointment.
But, as I wrote above, the power of suggestion overrides the reality and prods the reader to think that it’s really there anyway.
Perhaps a few astute readers (such as I) are able to discern that we are dealing with the consequences of mental illness and not with ritual evil. Even so, Dassi nonetheless conveys the deceptive impression that ultra-Orthodox Jews are typically emotionally disturbed. This is again a wicked libel to those who are inside the community as well as a grave injustice to those who are considering joining in.
All the above refers to the damage done to the Orthodox Jewish community world-wide. Dassi wants to kick the Sukka, so she wants to inflict this damage. But the damage spreads further. It affects all Jews on the face of the Earth. This is because, in the eyes of antisemites, the “iniquities” of any Jews are the iniquities of all Jews, including “Israelis” and “Zionists”. There is no difference to them.
Similarly, although it seems that Ted Baillieu is a down-to-earth pro-Israel person, her connection to Australian politicians did tremendous damage to Israel and to the Jews. I do not refer merely to diplomatic relations between the states which may have been strained, but this book serves to plant illusionary deficiencies within Jewish society into the minds of the politicians, which will cause them to demonize the Jewish people as a whole, especially when there are flare ups such as with current events. This will inspire them to join the masses to support the blood libels and false accusations of genocide and to sympathize with the terrorists.
Thus, in this era of heightened antisemitism, when a renegade Jewish person fraudulently repurposes social problems such as mental illness into religious cultish ritualistic abuse – although none exists – they are fueling the fire of rabid antisemitism.
ירא ה' עֲלֵיכֶ֖ם וְיִשְׁפֹּ֑ט אֲשֶׁ֧ר הִבְאַשְׁתֶּ֣ם אֶת־רֵיחֵ֗נוּ בְּעֵינֵ֤י פַרְעֹה֙ וּבְעֵינֵ֣י עֲבָדָ֔יו לָֽתֶת־חֶ֥רֶב בְּיָדָ֖ם לְהׇרְגֵֽנוּ׃
Lastly on this point, in my 2018 post about extradition, I noted how dangerous this is. Here is what I wrote in 2018 (it’s a little bit prophetic):
We live in a very hostile world that is not sympathetic to the struggles of the State of Israel for survival and security. There are ubiquitous open ended “arrest warrants” in many countries for Israeli officials, politicians, and military personnel for bogus “war crimes” or “crimes against humanity”. Many of our leaders and military heroes are not free to travel anywhere in the world without diplomatic cover for fear of wanton prosecution in countries that have no moral jurisdiction (only self-imposed) to whatever events they would prosecute for.
It is unthinkable that the State of Israel should acquiesce to an extradition request for any natural born Israeli citizen under these circumstances; especially when the treaties themselves provide for the exemptions.
Doing so would set a horrible precedent and could open a Pandora’s box that will haunt Israeli officials forever. It would be political suicide.
Or, if perpetrated by Dassi Erlich, it would be political homicide.
So far, we have determined that for Dassi Erlich’s personal fame and fortune, the book is a good thing. From the benefit of all types of Jews or Israelis – religious, secular, or Zionists – the book is a disaster. But that’s okay since this is who the book is meant to hurt.
Secular Society
Now, let’s look at society at large and survivors of sexual abuse. Has Dassi’s book improved their lives and made the world a better place?
First question: Does Dassi’s book reduce the stigma of sexual abuse and help encourage other people who claim to be sexually abused to speak out?
Answer: I think it does. In my opinion this is one thing, and maybe the only thing, that is really worthwhile about the book.
Second question: Will Dassi’s book encourage more authentic victims to implicate and press charges against their abusers to get these miscreants off the streets?
Answer: Highly doubtful. I think to the contrary. By way of Dassi expounding on her long arduous ordeal to rope in Mrs. Leifer; to bring her to court only to have her acquitted on a third of the charges and even the guilty ones came after a long jury deadlock; then a total sentence of about 15 years reduced by time served; and with her divorce going on and the toll all of it took on her emotional wellbeing; I don’t see too many victims who read her book to want to follow in her footsteps. I think the book is counterproductive.
Third question: Will this whole episode serve as a deterrent to discourage future offenders?
Answer: On the one hand, we can never know if it caused any deterrence. We will never know if somebody was ready to embark on a career of molesting others and when they saw how Mrs. Leifer was hunted down, shipped halfway around the world, and served "justice", thought the better of it.
On a more realistic note, we know that most of these offenses are committed by people who have turbulent backgrounds and usually are not mentally playing with a full deck. It is difficult for these folks to think rationally or to control their impulses. Additionally, many such folks carry a chip on their shoulders and are imbued with hatred and anger and are looking to get back at society or individuals and don’t really care about the consequences.
So, I think it’s very unlikely.
So, on the social gains scorecard, the book may encourage victims to speak out and get help, yet, it may discourage people to turn in crooks, and won’t create much deterrence. One plus, one minus and a neutral does not spell success.
Lily
The final consideration on the worthiness of the book is the reservation I noted earlier regarding Dassi’s personal gains. I greatly fear that the price of Dassi’s personal aggrandizement will be paid by the one she loves most. Her daughter, Lily.
How will this book affect her daughter?
I don’t know if this book will hurt her and to what extent, but I am certain that it won’t help her.
Surely, I am not privy to what’s going on with her, but clearly, Dassi’s daughter lives in two conflicting worlds. Her mother has left the Sukka and kicked it on the way out, but her father, Dassi’s ex-husband, is still there. Also, her Aunts Nicole and Tamar and associated cousins. I assume that she is being sent to the Adass school or another Bais Yaakov and is growing up in the community that Dassi is demonizing in print. If she isn’t, then she is being deprived of being part of this community.
She is about fourteen years old now and at a critical crossroads of life. She cannot live in two worlds indefinitely and will be faced with excruciating dilemmas. To make things worse, one or both of her parents may remarry and give her siblings.
She will always be branded as Dassi Erlich’s daughter for better of for worse. Eventually, she will read her mother’s book and simultaneously hear her father’s side of things. She will need to judge her parents and Judaism. Is it fair to her?
In 2017, I tried to warn Dassi in this post. Here is what I wrote:
So I truly feel sorry for Dassi Erlich. She has been abused her whole life. Prior to Malka Leifer she was abused by her parents for 15 years. Then she was (allegedly) abused by Malka for another four. But now she is being abused again. This time by somebody named Dassi Erlich. If she doesn’t find a way to let go, it will continue till the end.
Why am I writing all this?
Because, as I wrote way earlier, contrary to all appearances, I really do have a lot of ahavas Yisroel. I don’t want to see Malka Leifer destroyed and I don’t want to see Dassi Erlich destroyed. There is no need for it. As far as I know, they are both victims. I think it's a better idea to try to fix wounded people than to try to break them. But I have yet to hear a single voice echo mine!
What I find mind boggling is that there are people out there that are actually helping her! They are cheering her on and actively assisting her quest for nekama. They can call it “justice” but it will destroy her just the same. They are helping her destroy herself. Some friends they are!
So if this post does reach Dassi Erlich, directly or second hand, let her know that she is only 29 and she has a daughter. It’s not too late to save herself, if she can only let it go.
That was in 2017. Dassi’s daughter was only seven years old then. Not only did Dassi not listen to me, but she made fun of me and turned against me.
Today Dassi is riding high on her recognition and acclaim, running the circuit, raking in the cash, flaunting her book about her bravery and her triumph for justice and gloating in seeing Mrs. Leifer locked up in an Australian jail. But her euphoria will not last forever. Eventually, it will dry up. What then?
Even now, there were numerous casualties in her battle and a ton of collateral damage. Dassi Ehrlich is not unscathed. And the looming question is: after all the dust settles, who is going to pick up the pieces?
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